Post # 1
It has been an off week for our relationship. For some reason, we could not get along. Turns out, we both had a lot of things we wanted say to each other. It took a few conversations, with the last one being an emotional one.
Background: SO gave me a timeline in mid November of a few months and in the year 2012. This lead me to believe he is waiting on his bonus Mid-Feb to buy the ring.
SO is always very quiet about plans for engagement and it drives me nuts. I wish he would be more open about how things are going. The waiting game is difficult and he is always the one bringing up the topic of marriage and making comments. He loves to mess with my head to throw me off. I can’t stand this because it makes me wonder if he is sticking to his original plans like he told me. I probably worry too much about this, but I can’t help it because he has been talking wedding stuff since last March.
Short story, the other night after dinner I asked him if he was looking forward to his bonus in a couple weeks. He tells me, not really that he has it spent already on parts to fix his truck. That threw me off and my first thought is “great, looks like more waiting for me” But, I didn’t say a word to him about it. He was the one who makes the comment that I must be disappointed because he’s not using the money for a ring. I try hard to avoid the conversation, but he insists, so we end up arguing over it.
I try to keep my distance from him and the topic but, he brings up the topic again a couple times over the last week. Finally he tells me that he has money saved up, he’s using part of his bonus for the ring, but that he wants me to patient because he still intends to stick to his word, but that he wants it to be a surprise and that I don’t need to know the details.
Wouldn’t it have been nice for him to tell me this before. It would have eased my mind knowing he was moving in the right direction and there was action behind his words. I swear men don’t get it all.
In the end, I made him promise that neither of us would ever bring up the topic of engagement or wedding anymore. No more messing with my head to throw me off. I am just so exhausted from the mind games and waiting emotions that we all go through. We are great now that we got everything out in the open and we understand the stresses that we are both under during this pre-proposal stage.
Anyone else have an experience similar?
Post # 3
I feel your pain – I have been going through the ‘silent treatment’ for months. It all came to a head last summer, a week before my good friend got married. I had a melt down because I felt he was nowhere near thinking about marriage. Then he told me he was planning a surprise but didn’t want to spoil the surprise.
Since then, nothing has happened. I had another meltdown around October time and told him the way I’m thinking we’ll be getting married in 2013. He agreed with that and again said he didn’t want to spoil the surprise. I’ve been on tenderhooks whenever a special occasion comes up. At New Year, I had a chat with him about a timeline and he said 2-3 months. We’re going on a trip away for Valentine’s week and I’m hoping it will be then. He also just got a bonus at work so no excuses now!
Since New Year, neither of us have mentioned marriage/ engagement. I have no idea if he has a ring or if he’s planning to propose when we’re away. He won’t say anything!! I am counting down the days til we go and hoping that I won’t be disappointed.
My advice is to keep yourself busy cos I don’t think we can rush our men along. They will just do it at their own pace. I don’t think my SO has any clue how much stress and torture he is putting me through!!
Post # 4
Boy do I ever! I understand the money worries too. It’s so hard to hold your tongue when you see them spending money on other things sometimes. We, too, have a tentative timeline to be married by Spring/Summer of 2013. It’s hard to see the time go by and wonder if they will stick to their word. I think it’s good that you both agreed to no more wedding talk. Ironically, my SO and I are in this same stage as he has made references to a 2012 wedding but has not proposed.
Even though you were worried about the mid-Feb idea in your mind, I think sometimes our SO’s are trickier/wiser than we sometimes give them credit for. I often find things out “after the fact” and think why didn’t you tell me that forever ago? 🙂 I think they do keep us in the dark sometimes which is so frustrating, but I think they do this with the best of intentions. It’s hard for me to remember that, but it’s part of that having faith thing that you just have to trust sometimes.
Best of luck to your and your waiting period! I hope it goes by quickly and you are engaged in no time!