Post # 1
This is half rant and half desperate for advice!
Backstory: My husband’s best friend of about 7 years quickly became one of my best friends 2 after my guy and I started dating. The friend, who we will call “John” is the most laid back guy you will ever meet.. the kind that is always there for you, always listening and caring for both of us, the type that always seems to soothe the drama. John has always been VERY VERY shy, something that I think stemed from his being over-weight. Despite being shy, he was always very open and “normal” with my husband and I.
John started dating a girl, his first girfriend ever (he is 25, very shy!!!) in January of this year. Bees.. this girl is INSANE! She is the definition of Drama. She freaks out about everything, has crazy tantrums, and u literally have to walk on egg shells around her.. worrying what will set her off! She is very very paranoid, saying men are always following her, trying to have trainers at the gym (where my husband is manager) fired for being “innapropriate”, she says she has to leave school because all the guys in her class look at her and talk to her innapropriately etc. Once, we were all at dinner, and she refused to talk to any of us.. and then at one point stood up, slammed her chair down and stormed to the parking lot. She is very very annorexic and screams and cries around food too (im not judging, just including this info because it adds to her tantrums) I honestly have NEVER EVER seen behavior like this before. My husband has hated her since day one, along with all of our other friends. Our friend John was constantly upset complaining about her behavior and telling us he couldnt take it and wanted to break up with her… then one day a couple months ago.. they just randomly got engaged!!!! He literally went from wanting to dump her one day, to proposing the next!
So now, I have really really really tried to like her. Its sooo hard because he literally doesnt speak to us around her because he is afraid to set her off by saying the wrong thing, I hate seeing my friend like this! I’ve tried helping her with wedding plans.. and i even offered to throw them a small engagement party in an attempt to TRY to form a friendship. I told them the party would be in our home and I would provide food and beverages etc… I contacted all the vendors for it and awaited her guest list… I finally got it… 118!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN people.. her wedding guestlist is 125!!!!! I politely told her I couldnt afford a party that big, nor would that many people fit in our home and she responded with “nevermind then, thanks for the offer but we will go a different route without you”. Also, everytime I update my facebook status with anything that could even remotely apply to her (it never does!) she makes John call my husband to demand why I’m talking about her!!! Its absolutely INSANE!
Okay, now i HATE her. What do we do.. how do we support this marriage??? Its a huge mistake and i dont think John realizes it.. he just thinks he cant do any better.
What would you say/do?? Should we keep our mouths shut or tell him how we feel?
Post # 3
wow, that’s a tough one
i’m not sure how comfortable you would be about talking to John..how close of a friend he is. you could just ask him why was there such a quick change of heart (one minute wants to break up, next is engaged!) maybe he really does love her, in which case, i’m not sure you should be putting her down and saying bad things about her to him. or maybe he’s confused?
honestly, I dont know!!!
Post # 4
Wow! This is really nuts! I think it’s probably best for your husband to talk to him one on one and find out what changed, why he got engaged, just be there to listen and hear him out. If you guys come at this guy intervention-style and very confrontational, you will wig him out and he’ll stop talking to you… obviously he has trouble standing up for himself. Frankly I would want to save a friend from a similar situation! But I think you need to make sure you are the opposite of his psycho fiance – where she is reactive and hypersensitive, you guys need to be calm and accepting of him no matter what. Good luck and let us know as the story unfolds!
Post # 5
I would let “John” know exactly how i feel. I would try to support him but i would also just tell him in the nicest way possible(if that is even possible) that you cannot take her crap anymore. If he doesn’t understang then i would forget him 2! LOL J/K but seriously the gurl obviously LOVES the attention. Maybe she’s jealous of ya’lls friendship.
that’s sweet of you to offer to do so and if she doesn’t like the idea u had then she doesn’t deserve the party. she also doesn’t deserve the kindness your giving her. ESPECIALLY with her rude remark.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House
I’m a firm believer that you should disclose your concerns BEFORE the wedding. Take him out, sit him down and lay it out. Tell him you love him. Tell him you think he’s making a mistake. Tell him that you’re telling him this before he makes the biggest mistake of his life. Tell him you support him no matter what he decides. If he takes your advice, you’ve saved your friend. If he doesn’t, then don’t speak another word about it, but realize that the relationship will most likely dissolve on it’s own due to his fiancee’s actions.
Post # 7
Thanks for responding! I’m going to talk to my hubby 2nite and figure out the best way to bring it up.. I think the hubby should do the talking and I’ll just be there for support!
I’ll keep you updated.
I love my bees! =)
Post # 8
First, let me say how sorry I am you’re going through this. It’s never easy when you don’t like a close friend or family member’s SO. It sucks. It really does.
Second, I’ve been through this, and the best you can do is privately, but casually, say you’re concerned about the engagement. Say you’ll support whatever makes him happy, and if this girl is it, then you’ll be there for him, but explain your concerns. If he chooses her, then that’s that.
Usually when people are in bad relationships, there’s nothing anyone else can do. They have to realize it for themselves. My mom’s had about three bad, bad boyfriends over the past few years, and I’ve learned that lesson the hard way, unfotunately.
The best you can do is be there for him, and it sounds like you’re doing that, and that you’re a great friend to have.