- 5 years ago
3.25 years. We are both 46. I was married 12 years ago- he has never married, or even lived with a girl !!- I am his longest replationship- ever! Odd stats indeed.
He asked me to move in with him about a year and a half ago. I told him he needed to propose first. I think this crushed him becasue he’s never asked this question before. So- we live close proxmity, but independenty.
Anywho-I would love to marry and build a life together with this man, but he is well, apparently terrified. I dont know why. His parents have been together since 8th grade, are adorable & have had a loving happy 55 year marriage. Very close, loving famiy.
Overall, I think he lacks confidence on how to be a “husband”, because again, he has never had a long term relationship, lived with a woman, or been married.
He bought us a PREP marriage course – book format. He enjoys reading it aloud to us. Its very endearing. Its been a good tool for our replationship & reccomend it to anyone wanting to develop skills and intimacy for the long run. We rarely argue or fight. Its the easiest, happiest replationship I have ever had. He is respectul, kind, thoughtful, affectionate & loving. I always feel a priority & considered first. He is a a REALLY good man/human.
So, I am patient. I have dated a lot of frogs in 10 or so years. When the one who shines comes along, they sparkle.
I rather dislike the word ‘waiting’. It sounds like our lives & happiness are dependent on someone else being at the wheel of our own bus.
This being said- I also know just because I am ready, doesnt mean he is -yet. I can see his actions are working on it and making effort; that says a lot I think. He tells me he will ( propose), confirms he is working on it, and thanks me for my patience with him. We talk about buying a home together and future dreams.
I do have times of impatience and think: We arent 30! Lets get on with it! We arent getting any younger ! Can’t you see its right before you? But those impatient thoughts are counterbalanced by his sparkle.
I remind myself of what I endured with all the other frogs. Love is afterall -patient, right?
I wanted love, respect and friendship for a looong time. I worked very hard to find it. I have it, so why would I walk away from real love just because I am ready and he’s not ( yet)
So I reccomend asscessing your situation, his actions and your relationship with him.
We are all different shapes, and not one answer fits all sizes.