(Closed) We are done and I'm devastated please help..

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think maybe he needs time to truly understand his feelings and decide what he wants. I am so sorry this is happening to you, but you have to respect his honesty. I personally think you guys should both work on it together and individually and be SURE it’s the right decision whether you stay together or split ways. If it was me, I would hope he comes to realization that he’s being crazy and can’t live without you. My relationship sounds crazily similar to yours and I would also be heartbroken…

Sorry sweetie 🙁 

Post # 4
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m really sorry you are going through this. As difficult as it will be, maybe use this time to really look back at your relationship and think about what was going well and what needed improvement (from both ends). After that much time together and everything you have been through, I don’t think there is an easy way to get over him and move on. Take some time for yourself first and then begin reflecting on your relationship. Even though you loved him a lot, was the relationship all you wanted it to be? Did you feel loved and special each day (even on rough days)? I can’t tell you what to do if he comes back. I don’t know your relationship well enough. It could be time away was needed to figure out what’s best for you as a couple or individually. I hope this helps, even if it’s just a little.

Post # 5
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@HopelessRomanticxo:  I’m so sorry to hear this! Your situation sounds so similar to mine (together 6 years, engaged about 6 months, just bought a home) so maybe that’s why it hit me so hard. I don’t have any great advice, but wanted to let you know that if I were you, I would definitely try to work on it! Give him some space and see if he is willing to see a therapist with you. Maybe some space will help him see clearly. I can relate to sometimes feeling more like friends/roommates. Whenever I feel like that, we must have a date night ASAP. good luck!

Post # 7
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015


If that’s how he is really feeling, is that even a relationship you want to be a part of?

Post # 8
567 posts
Busy bee

I’m afreaid to say from what you have described it sounds like he has already made his decision.  You mention the possibility of councilling however you say he said “it’s pretty much over”.  If he trully wanted to rescue it he would go to councilling and fight for your relationship. 


Hugs. Take time to breathe, to think.  If he comes back apologiseing and taking it all back, suggest the councilling and do what you BOTH can to make it work.  If he doesn’t, look after yourself and spend time on building your life.

Post # 9
8116 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  It really hurts.  It sounds trite, but the passage of time really does work miracles.

Right now, it’s all a shock to your system & you naturally long for the status quo.  But, as a PP said, if he really feels that way, do you want to be in a relationship with him?

Or would you rather be in a relationship in which you feel cherished?

Post # 10
253 posts
Helper bee

@HopelessRomanticxo:  I think many people are going to tell you “better now than a divorce later.” Although that certainly will not make you feel better, it is true. Five years ago I broke an engagement. It is a devastating thing to start your life over, but guess what, I met the most amazing man. And, our relationship is 100 times stronger than my ex. We are so perfect for each other. You will have the same thing. There is someone else better suited for you. Although it doesnt feel that way at the moment, one day you will look back at this and be happy. I promise.

Post # 11
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@HopelessRomanticxo:  I agree with everyone, He just needs time to understand what he is getting into before saying I do. I know it’s painful but at the end of the day, It’s better for him to say something now than at the alter.

Just give him some time. Say a prayer and take it day by day.

Post # 12
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you don’t mind, what are your respective ages? A 25 year old leaving a 6 year realtionship is very different from a 34 year old man doing the same. (Many mid-20s who have been in 1 relationship since their teens can start thinking they’ve “missed out” but a couple months/years of dating can make them realize they weren’t missing what they had imagined.

If I was you – leave – don’t look back. If you just get on with your life, do not call him or email him – ironically that more than anything may have him rethink his decision. (Unless he’s the rare exception) if you call, cry, cling it will push him away for good. It’s best for you and him to push forward and build a new life – and find a man who can’t wait to marry you.

Post # 13
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@HopelessRomanticxo:  I am so sorry this is happening 🙁 You sound like you are in shock. Take some time for youself before working on anything with him or deciding there is no hope. You can’t think straight when he’s just hit you over the head like this.

Post # 14
68 posts
Worker bee

If you admit to your self that you are not feeling loved then maybe this is for the best. Maybe time apart will help both of you see if you are right for each other.

Post # 15
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@HopelessRomanticxo:  I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are completely devastated and perhaps numb. I might try to get away for a few days to clear my head… go see momma or my friends and soak up some love.

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