(Closed) We are eloping AND getting married.

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think as long as you are honest and people know you are already married, it’s less of a big deal.  I think lying to your guests is what people do that is unacceptable.  

Post # 4
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@kateisstoned:  I think that’s wonderful way to make everyone happy! Congrats

Post # 5
Member
7445 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think this might blow up in your face if those who put a lot of money towards your wedding aren’t told ahead of time. Honestly, it will still probably blow up in your face, but they deserve to know about it. If you were paying for the wedding yourselves, I’d think it was fine if you wanted to elope before the wedding, but that’s not the case here.

Post # 6
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  +1

I didn’t even think about the fact that other people were paying for your wedding.  I’d definitely tell them your plans first… and prepare for them to be super upset.  

Post # 8
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@kateisstoned:  Lovely that they gifted you so much money!….I also love your idea of doing your own thing before the big celebration…..I think its a shame though that you cant use their money to good use like buying a home or putting money into your home etc…congrats though!

Post # 9
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I love, love, lovedddd when The Office did this with Jim and Pam.  I hope you have a great time at both!

Post # 10
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think its important you let your guests know you are already married when you have your “wedding.” By definition a wedding is when you get married, so really you’re having a vow renewal a week later. Please don’t mislead your guests.

Post # 11
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kateisstoned:  I’m usually in the camp thats says when you’re legally married, that’s your wedding, it’s rude to lie and have a “staged wedding,” yadda, yadda, yadda.  But, in your case, I don’t see any issues.  Honestly, as long as everything takes place within a week, I don’t see why it would be a big deal.  The events are close enough together that it’s clear you aren’t trying to take advantage of anyone.  And it sounds like you’ve got all your bases covered.  It is probably very important to word your invites such that it says you’re having a declaration of marriage (as you put it).  I’m sure you’ll have some guests that will know or question if your grandpa is an ordained minister so it will be easier to field questions if you can respond with “Well, that’s why we said declaration.  H and I took care of the legal aspect last weekend.”

The only other point of conflict would be your Future Mother-In-Law and grandma and as long as they’re on board, I say go for it!

Post # 12
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I had friends that did this.  They felt like they needed to take control of their OWN marriage, so they married at the courthouse in jeans, grabbed some sunflowers from the ditch to take to the courthouse.  Then shit hit the fan when her family found out!

 

I don’t know – if you feel you are taking control enough by doing this, then go for it!

 

H and I went for a hike the morning of our wedding.  Then we showerd and got dressed in the wedding attire for our ceremony overlooking a glacial lake.

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