(Closed) We are having 2 wedding – any advise from people who have done the same thing?

posted 5 years ago in Reception
Post # 16
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We had 2 weddings and it was great. Both were large-ish weddings but the first was a Hindu religious one in his country, and the second was a full traditional white wedding in my country (UK) where the legalities were perfomed. Our immediate families (parents and most of our siblings) were at both and for me that would be essential or it isn’t a bringing together of 2 families as it should be. However the majority of guests at each wedding did not attend the other one. Both were equally grand and equally had a big Reception and celebration component.

Your circumstances are different to mine because each of my weddings had a very separate purpose and even if his family had been in the UK we would have done both ceremonies. And costs in his country are significantly cheaper so it did not mean doubling the budget. However, I do understand why you’d do this if guests cannot afford to fly to the ceremony. I think it’s fine. Just be upfront with everyone you’re inviting. People will ask which is your ‘real’ wedding so have an answer for that one.

Post # 17
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

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sagirl321 :  I didn’t do this, but have a set of friends who did this.  They had their legal wedding where the bride’s family lived (Mexico?) and their anniversary, second wedding in Austria (where the groom was from) and it worked out well for them.  They loved it, their families loved it, especially since their families were so large they couldn’t afford to fly out both sets of families to a middle ground.  Now their weddings were small, which is why I think they could afford to have two separate weddings.

Post # 18
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We had two weddings and it worked out great.

First wedding was the “real” wedding, where we live (Israel); lots of people were invited from out of the country, but not my entire extended family, who wouldn’t have come anyway. My husband’s family, and most of our friends, are in Israel. We had a religious ceremony and considered ourselves married afterwards, though this wasn’t officially the case. Marriage laws here are a mess.

Second wedding was a month later, in Canada (where my entire family lives). We did a small civil ceremony with just our families (in-laws came all the way there!), and then a party with everyone who couldn’t come to the actual wedding – and many who did!

It was a great solution for us; both were big – the “real” wedding was 290, and the post-wedding celebration, as we called the second one, was 140. I only wore my wedding dress once; for the second one, I got a great party dress that I’ll wear again. They were TOTALLY different, and totally fun!

Post # 19
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee

I had 3 weddings on 3 continents: we live on 1 continent and our families live on the other 2 – none of our extended family would have been able to travel outside our home countries (many of them don’t even have passports) so this was the only way to ensure our extended family was at our weddings.

Piece of advice: focus on the event(s) that you are closest to physically and leave the rest to your families. You won’t get to oversee every detail but its better to save yourself the impossible work of trying to organize a wedding from a distance.  My DH and I exclusively organized the wedding where we live: our families had no input or responsibilities. On the flip side, we basically showed up like guests at the other 2 ceremonies.  This had the added advantage of giving the 3 events very different styles, so it wasn’t like we did the same thing 3 times.  It also saved us family arguments, because everyone was in charge of their own event and didn’t have to compromise on anything.

Feel free to PM me if you want more details. Good luck Bee!

 

Post # 20
Member
4964 posts
Honey bee

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livster :  oh wow, 3 weddings! Which continents did you have them? Did you feel that one was much different from the other? If so, in what way?

Post # 22
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

We’re doing two. We got married for immigration reasons at a courthouse wedding with family present. We always planned to have our actual wedding (ceremony and all) 1.5 yrs down the line with our friends and family.

People were really happy for us and said they would have done the same, and are thrilled to be invited to celebrate with us.

I’ve had backlash from online communities who say that you only get married once (nevermind people who get divorced and get remarried, and have another ceremony and reception…apparently THAT’S okay, but not if you’re doing your original ceremony and reception 2x). 

Even if you can only legally fill out paperwork once, the law doesn’t stop you from lifting a pen and signing again. Just don’t submit the paperwork! Get the pictures done, and enjoy yourself. There is no right or wrong answer, and people take this stuff too seriously sometimes.

By The Way, this is becoming extremely popular, and I know at least 3 different couples who are also doing this. It’s just cheaper to be legally married and save for the wedding you really want.

Post # 23
Member
4964 posts
Honey bee

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livster :  Yes, just read it. Thanks. I just pm’d you back. Hope to hear from you. 

Post # 24
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

yup, do the two weddings… we didn’t, but we had friends who did and they loved it. Same reason- couldn’t pick a destination without offending people or making everyone travel. They were married legally for the first wedding, then showed the footage of the ceremony at the one overseas. I think everyone was invited to both, but we clearly weren’t expected to go to both if we didn’t want to (we did as my bf at the time was the best man). I’ve actually had 3 couples I know do this and it all worked out for them… as long as you know that only one is legal (so I would say wherever you are living at the time- do that one first as the legal ceremony), it will be fine. And be prepared for some people to come to both (parents/ bridal party) so that will be an added expense.
Good luck! I don’t think the planning once you sort out logistics (which one is when)… the one that I went to had ceremonies 6 months apart. I know it’s not the norm, but it worked for them.

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