- 9 years ago
Okay so the GREAT, FANTASTIC, WONDERFUL news is that 2 or 3 weeks ago he brought up engagement again and made it clear to me that he definitely wants to marry me :)… We talked about the ring I want again and had a wonderful evening 🙂
To give you a bit of background, we have been talking about getting married for years now but we then both decided to go back to our studies which put everything on hold for a while and made me doubt we had ever been talking about marriage! (waiting cycle etc… you know how it goes!). This summer I spent a long time in Paris for an internship and I think it finally made him realise that he wanted me in his life more permanently.
So… fast forward to tonight and I had had a terrible day so when he came he said “I know what will cheer you up… let’s talk about diamonds!!” (I cheered up straight away haha). I have been looking at rings and diamonds ever since we agreed ages ago that when we got engaged, it would be a lot better for me to pick my ring because I know a lot more than him about them and I am very picky… I’ve always wanted a 3 stone and although my dream design had changed a tiny bit in the last year, we had originally chosen a lovely one years ago so when I’ve been looking I’ve been thinking about something around that budget… We also looked in a jewellery shop window over the summer and from something he said then I was pretty confident about what his budget was… this is where the “I feel terrible” part comes in…
I am cringing writing this post because I am aware that some may see it as incredibly materialistic and superficial… I am genuinly coming here for advise and I really don’t want someone to misinterpret my post but I have no one else but you guys with whom to talk this through… Basically tonight he told me his budget… and it’s about 1k under what my perfect ring comes to. I know I know I know that I said I would marry him with a ring pop and that the ring really has nothing to do with anything… I know that diamonds are de Beers marketting etc… I know that. But…………………….. for the last 2 years I have been visualising THE ring on my hand and now I won’t have it I can’t help but feel upset… and I want to feel over the moon happy on an evening like this. I’m not upset at HIM by any means, he does have the money to spend on my dream ring but it would mean a lot of sacrifices and it is completely his perogative how he spends his money… we simply have a had a huge missunderstanding and I don’t know what to do about it.. He knows from tonight that I had thought it would be more but I never ever want to ask him to spend more on the ring because that is just so wrong.
So now my options are:
1: Tell him that having my dream ring (which is still affordable by the way) is very important to me and that I would rather wait longer to be engaged and have my dream ring… (but I don’t know if I want to wait much longer… I don’t really like the idea of upgrading the ring either at a future date.)
2: Stick to the same design but get a smaller center stone… Since it’s a 3 stone, the proportions will be off (I’m a designer and quite picky about these things)
3. Stick to the same design/ center stone but drop the quality of the center stone considerably – not something I am keen to do because it would always feel temporary to meand I have been researching diamond quality for a long time so it’s something that is very important to me.
4. Completely change my choice of ring. Now, I am open to this but I don’t know… It feels strange to think about not having THAT style ring after so long and I’m not 100% sure I wouldn’t always wish I had stuck to my dream design.
5. Buy an eternity ring and use it as an engagement ring for the time being… then get an engagement ring for the wedding or an anniversary… I kind of just feel this is just pushing the cost of the engagement ring back and instead spending money on something I don’t dream of.
If you have any thoughts/ideas I would love to hear them. Again I would like to apologise if I come off as sounding spoilt… this is just the way I feel about the situation and I hate feeling this way.