(Closed) We are so close to an engagement!! But now I feel TERRIBLE

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I suppose it’s really down to how comfortable you’d feel waiting and how you think he’ll take it if you bring this up.  There are ways to have this discussion gently, but be aware that if he has strong feelings about picking out the ring it may be a bit touchy.

Post # 4
15001 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

How about contributing 1k yourself? Would he be ok with that too?  Can you decrease the size or quality of the non center stone and maybe upgrade those later?  How big a difference in quality or size would you be sacraficing to get to his budget?  Is there some compromise on both size and quality that you’d be happy with?

Post # 5
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Fiance and I sat down and we talked about “my perfect engagement ring,” it was pretty much implied that I would not be fully satisfied if I couldn’t have the perfect ring because it is something that I have wanted since I was 15 years old. I didn’t want a diamond, I wanted a tanzanite which in some cases can be A LOT more expensive than a diamond. He and I decided that we would wait until he could afford the ring…which actually came earlier than I had expected! If you are going to marry him then you should be comfortable enough with him to tell him what it is that you want and it will all be worth it in the end ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
49 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

You say you’ve been researching diamonds for a long time so you’ve become attached to them, but is this a real attachment to diamonds, or an attachment to the thought and time invested?  When it comes down to it, it sounds like the design is more important to you than the stone itself.  Why don’t you get a moissanite ring instead of a diamond one?  Moissanite has a higher index of refraction than diamonds (i.e. more sparkle) and is much more eco-friendly (and people-friendly) than diamonds.  And costs a lot less as well. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I like the idea of contributing some money yourself. You would have to word in gently so that you don’t offend him, but I think its a great option. Personally, I don’t like the idea of “upgrading” either because of sentimental reasons etc. Good luck!

Post # 8
42 posts
  • Wedding: March 2011

Look into lab made diamonds…they’re blood free, and much cheaper, and look exactly the same.

I’m like you, I HATE the idea of upgrading, I want the ring he gave me to be the one I wear for the rest of my life. That being said, I am totally not opposed to anniversary bands ๐Ÿ™‚

Have you thought about him buying you a solitaire and then later making it the center stone in a 3-stone ring? That way you sitll have the same diamond, but the additional stones symbolize the journey you’ve been on together?

Post # 9
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@annapeeps: I believe synthetic diamonds are just as–if not more–expensive than a comparable natural diamond.

Post # 10
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My ring’s retail would be more than I could comfortably say.  However, I would suggest asking around.  We got our diamond at wholesale rates because my boyfriend’s mom had a coworker who used to work at a jewelry store and bought diamonds and rings directly from the wholesaler… so I got my 2+ carat diamond for about 50% less than Blue Nile.

The mark up, online or in store, is ridiculous.  If you can find the right people though, you can pretty much get anything you want. 

Post # 11
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Also, take it from someone who has done tons of research….

synthetic diamonds are fine – if you’re okay with that.  But buy your synthetic on Ebay – and make sure it’s marketed as a swarovski signity.  I got a 2ct swarovski signity CZ (because synthetic diamonds, unless from a lab which can compress the particles, are CZ.), it had the best cut and light dispersion. 

We opted out because he didn’t feel comfortable putting it in a setting… he has family who are in the industry.

I would just be very careful about synthetics.  Make sure you ask the company what the chemical make-up is so if it is zircon, you don’t overpay.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

What about getting a zirconia in the centre until you can afford to buy the centre stone. Its something you could get for your 5 year anniversary or something?

Post # 14
1089 posts
Bumble bee

Have you actually gone out and looked at loose stones?  The reason I ask is that I too am quite picky when it comes to the four Cs, but when I actually started looking at diamonds, I found that I wasn’t as picky as I thought.  I’m not sure what your standards are or what cuts you are looking at, but maybe you could find a great eye-clean SI diamond that’s near colorless. . .that might drop the cost. 

Also, if the side diamonds are only .15ct, you may definitely want to sacrifice a little bit of quality (ie clarity) there as a) they are small so if you stick with something eye-clean no one will notice, and b)they won’t be the main focus of the ring.  If they are the same color as the center diamond, and they’re eye clean, your ring will still look amazing!

Is there a way you could settle for a solitaire or a more economical setting for the moment with a center stone you love and then you could create your dream ring with it in the future?  Would the two of you be ok with that?  Or what if you design your ring and temporarily substitute your side stones with moissanite or CZs?  This way you can replace them when you have the means, but you still have the look that you want.

Another idea is to talk different local jewelers and get different price quotes.  Perhaps they could also help you search for quality stones that fit your budget even if you have to wait a little longer?

Just a few ideas from a fellow bee who appreciates diamonds and hopes that you get your dream ring!!!

Post # 16
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, my diamond is I2 in clarity, K in color, and Good cut. But you’d never know it. Even though I’d done tons of research and looking at hundreds of diamonds, when it was on my finger I thought it was E in color, Good cut, and SI1.

Going down in color, clarity, etc., is not that big of deal. Depending on the cut you’re going with, you may not want to drop too far on the clarity (asscher in particular, I1 and I2 inclusions are VERY visible) but the only reason the more expensive “nicer” diamonds look better in the jewelry store is because you’re directly comparing them to “not as nice” diamonds.

You’ll never put your ring side-to-side with anyone else (except maybe a fleeting moment). You truly will not notice a lower color or clarity and it will save you thousands. Additionally, opt for stones that are close to the 1 ct mark. A .94 is hundreds cheaper than a 1.00 but impossible to discern.

I hope it all works out and you’re rocking your dream ring (and dream fiance!) very soon!!!

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