Post # 1
I’m a pretty regular poster with a new username. A few months ago, I remember seeing a thread about a Bee who answered questions about her job in the sex industry, and I found the information she provided interesting and unexpected. I’ve thought about perhaps doing the same thing – a Q&A session – from my perspective as a swinger wife.
Long story short: my husband and I are a regular, madly in love couple who happen to also be swingers. We are in our mid 30s, have been together for well over 10 years (married for 2) and love our lifestyle. What do we do? We basically “date” other couples, as a couple.
Let me debunk a few “myths” right off the bat. We don’t sleep around with whomever we want. We have rules and boundaries that have evolved over the years and with which we are both comfortable. Getting into “the lifestyle” (as it’s known) was not a one day to the next thing, it was a very gradual progression that took many years and a lot of soul searching (and a LOT of honesty). We are not weird, sex addicted people. We are extremely, extremely happy.
So, ask away. I’ll be as candid as I can be. And I’m not looking for judgment or opinions on whether this is the “right” way to be a married couple, clearly this is what works for us. Just want to provide information for those who are curious and have questions. It’s a rainy afternoon here in my neck of the woods so I could use a distraction! 🙂
Post # 3
Hmmmm…. How do you even bring up the subject? I would be so hurt.
Also,you said you date couples,is it ever one on one?
Oh,and when I think of swingers I think of a room full of people just going at ot. Is that just tv? Lol
Post # 5
It randomly came up soon after we started dating. We were in a new city looking for a place to go out and one of the places we found online was a swingers club. We went on a lark – “Wanna try this place out?” – “Sure, why not!” It was our first foray into anything like that for both of us and we both really had fun. For sure, that first night we did absolutely nothing but mingle, talk to a few couples and have a few drinks. A few weeks later we decided to check out a club in our hometown.
It’s never, ever one on one. In fact, we only do same room stuff.
And yes, there can be situations where there are a lot of people going at it in one room, and it’s actually LOT of fun!
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Interesting! Definitely not for me as I am way too jealous (and so is DH) but kudos to you for making it work!
Question: You say as a couple you “date” other couples, so do you together decide when to stop seeing another couple? Or can one of you choose to continue seeing the couple while the other partner moves on? How does that work?
Post # 7
Swinging for about nine years. We started in the dating stage, which I have since found out is very, very rare. Usually swingers are married couples. I also started really young, which is also quite rare. I still am one of the younger women usually (and I’m now in my mid 30s).
We will probably do it as long as we both enjoy it. It’s not a condition of our marriage by any means.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2015 - Aloft Hotel
@swingerbee: Do you think your relationship could function if one of you were monogamous? How many of your friends and family know? Do you have children/plan on continuing the lifestyle if you have children? What are some of the rules and restrictions you guys have set up for each other? Do you like to get to know his partners and vice versa?
Post # 9
Do you guys ever date one individual?
I have a friend who is one bisexual girl, and she dates couples that swing. But only both at the same time.
Is that a common “thing”?
Post # 10
So interesting! I fully support anyone’s choices as long as the people in it are happy/ fulfilled.
What’s your ratio of in-marriage sex to swinging-sex? Sorry I don’t know how else to describe these haha 🙂
Post # 11
I don’t mean this to sound judgemental, so please don’t take offense, but why be married at all? To me, swinging or open marriages go against what I believe a marriage is. I can grasp the behavior in a romantic relationship, just not marriage. Can you explain to me what marriage means to you as a part of a couple who aren’t monogamous? Did you always feel like being monogamous was not part of who you are as a woman? If for some reason something happend to your husband, would swing with your next husband (hypothetically), or is the swinging something specific to your relationship with this particular man?
Post # 12
Another question! Do you ever have events occur where one of you IS feeling hurt, weird, etc.?
Post # 13
How do you meet other couples who are swingers? Is it always at swinger clubs? Do you worry about STDs? DH and I don’t think we could ever be swingers or polyamorous, but we are both facinated by the whole concept.
Post # 14
Just for the record, although I have my own beliefs on swinging/open relationships, I fully support your right to do whatever makes you and husband happy.
Post # 15
What was your first time like? (Not when you first went to the club, but your first being intimate?) Thanks for being so open with us!
Post # 16
Also if you don’t mind me asking more than one question, on average how many times does this happen in a year, or is it more of an on going process throughout the year? And when did you realize this was the lifestyle for you, and your relationship?