(Closed) We are swingers – ask away!

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 137
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m wondering how that worked in the beginning too, for your husband. If he couldn’t be touched (and if he wasn’t into guys), what did he do during? Lol I’m imagining him being like a chaperone or something 🙂

Were either of you less interested or comfortable than the other with swinging in the beginning? 

Thanks for being so open and honest, its very enlightening and interesting!

Post # 138
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@Syzygy88:  I think you are confusing me with someone else. I’m not a doctor…

The researcher who supposedly regrets creating the HPV vaccine… I assume you’re referencing Diane Harper. That’s a conspiracy-theory anti-vax facebook meme that got started in the tabloid press. She doesn’t regret anything. The Telegraph in the UK (a mainstream, responsible paper) did a great expose on this. She actually filed a complaint against the tabloid paper for making up quotes and false reporting.

However Gardasil doesn’t prevent all cervical cancer. It’s a massive mistake for women to get the vaccine and then think they are no longer at risk. It is not a silver bullet. If women stop managing their risk through sexual hygiene (using condoms and controlling number of sex partners), smoking cessation and most of all SCREENING the availability of the vaccine will have the opposite effect on public health and we will see more deaths. It’s true most infections clear on their own, but it’s also true that 12,000 women will be diagnosed with invasive cancer this year. It is not the pink eye of the genital tract.

Post # 139
Member
11375 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@swingerbee:  Where you were jealous at first, what made you continue on? Was it that you wanted the lifestyle so much you just decided to suck it up (quickly I mean) or was it a long process before women could touch him? Also, before women could touch him, was he allowed to touch women? Thanks again for being so open and honest! 

Post # 140
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This is a super interesting thread & I’m bookmarking so that I can follow along later. 

Post # 141
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I don’t think it alligns with my husband and I’s beliefs at all. I would foresee a situation like that as eventually not working out in the long run for the original relationship. The faithfulness is not there. I think sleeping around with a bunch of other people, although open about it, is a lot less intimate than monogamy. Also, if you ever have kids, that could get really complicated and confusing. I appreciate your honesty in sharing this, but I feel as though I need to be honest as well. 

Post # 142
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@swingerbee: I’m late to the thread, but I just wanted to chime in to thank you for posting and being so open about this facet of your life with us. It’s been an interesting read.

Post # 143
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@Magdalena:  Didn’t know that was a hoax, but I only referenced that since I figured you’d jump on me for saying Gardasil protects against HPV, as you listed HPV as a reason that her lifestyle is dangerous. 

I realize not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV. But gardasil protects against the cancer-causing HPV strains (the ones that cause 70%+ of cancer) i.e. cancer as a result of STDS.

It does not sound like OP is in a high-risk group for HIV.

EDIT: Also, sorry for jumping down your throat. I was skimming and read “As a doctor” in your post, but realize you were talking about OP. It bothered me a lot that a doctor would say that. I realize now you’re giving your personal beliefs rather than a…medical opinion (I guess?) which makes sense.

Post # 144
Member
2113 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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@swingerbee:  You mentioned having a “No Intercourse” rule, but where everything else is ok. This may be a strange question, but where did/does anal fall for you in that? I know some people who are “virgins” because they’ve never had vaginal intercourse, only anal because it “doesn’t count.” I know not everyone likes it (I just think it feels weird), so it may not have ever been a possibility regardless. I was only curious. Also, I sent you a PM about something else. Not sure if you’re actually checking or just refreshing the page with all the buzz around this post.

Post # 145
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@Syzygy88:  your post expresses a very common misconception about cervical cancer and the vaccine (I have even heard this confusion from OBGYNs, you are in very good company!)

Pretty much 100% of cervical cancer is caused by hpv/std strains… Gardasil protects against 70% of the cancer caused by these strains. The other 30% is caused by strains of HPV they haven’t developed an effective vaccine for yet. But it is ALL hpv.

This confusion is a big reason why the marketing for Gardasil etc is so criticized.

People think after reading the ads: “70% of the time cancer is caused by STDs, and now that I’ve had a vaccine for that 70%, I only have to worry about the 30% that is caused by something else like smoking. My sexual behavior no longer impacts my cancer risk.”

Actually: 100% of the time cervical cancer is caused by STDs, and we now have a vaccine that would prevent 70% of those cancers. The remaining 30% still needs to be managed through safe sex practices and good sexual hygiene.

Other than exposure to DES (which affects women who were exposed in utero between the 1940s-1970s) there is virtually no cervical cancer that is NOT linked to HPV and sexual transmission. In theory, this cancer could be completely eradicated if HPV is eradicated.

As with HIV, it could theoretically be eradicated through abstinence, monogamy and absolutely perfect condom use (the famous ABC model of epidemic control). This isn’t realistic, of course, so now the authorities are attempting to obtain the same ends with HPV through a combination approach of vaccine + encouraging management of lifestyle risks.

Post # 146
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@Magdalena:  Okay, didn’t know that, thank you for showing me. So, according to the CDC, 91% of cervical cancer is caused by HPV. I checked and Gardasil prevents 75% of the strains that cause cancer (and, the most common ones). So a 15% difference.

The ABC model has been shown to not work in many areas for a range of reasons. Obviously it would work if people 100% used protection, only slept with one partner, ever, and never had sex outside of a monogamous relationship…but that ain’t ever happening. EDIT: In addition, you’d need to completely de-stigmatize men having sex with men and assure women had sexual equality world wide (as you know, the HIV infection rates are double for young women than they are for young men, globally, and this relates to gender inequality – inability to negotiate condom use, early marriage, etc.) You are absolutely right though, that increased condom use and holding off on sex is bringing down infection rates.

Post # 147
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@cdncinnamongirl:  Sometimes I think that polyamory and swinging are the next social evolution of long term relationships.

 

I think it’s the other way around. Evolutionary speaking, multiple partners for males and females were the norm. Monogamy (for women) is something that really only became important with the introduction of agriculture (land cultivation = land ownership = the importance of inheritage and legimitate children).

That being said, I could never do swinging or polyamory. I don’t want to share my fiance with anyone, and he doesn’t want to share me. But each to their own 🙂

Post # 149
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@swingerbee:  I am curious if swinging was something you ever saw yourself doing? So, I assume you dated other men in your life before your husband…did you ever want to start swinging at that point?

Post # 151
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Commenting to follow

 

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