(Closed) We are swingers – ask away!

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 152
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

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@swingerbee:  kudos to you for sharing with us all. Hubby and I are in the lifestyle as well. I have a regular boyfriend I travel with and see almost monthly. it’s great. For us. Maybe not everyone’s cup of tea but we get off on it and we are extremely safe. 

Post # 153
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Is encountering other peers and coworkers ever a concern? I mean so you set up a date to meet then it’s “oh hi Sally from the office ” …..  and would this ever have an impact  on your/ husbands  career?

Post # 154
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@iloverocks:  at the risk of sounding combative (which I want to state I am NOT trying to do) I have to ask, did you read all of the OP’s subsequent posts and answers to all of these questions?

I understand and respect your opinion, but after reading all of her posts, it appears to me that her relationship is VERY faithful, intimate, and uncomplicated.

While this lifestyle is not one I think would work for myself and my husband, and, at first glance of the title of the thread, initially thinking thoughts similar to those in your post — after actually reading her responses with an open mind I can see how for them, it’s actually brought them even more faithful and intimate over the years. The level of trust and security they must have in their relationship to enjoy this lifestyle together must be pretty high.

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@swingerbee:  Thanks for sharing. Very, very interesting to read and you gave me a new perspective on something, which is always a good thing to experience in life 🙂 While of course not for everyone, I think it’s beautiful how you’re able to share your sexuality in this way given how clearly united you guys must be in order to do so.

In the midst of all the (needless, IMO) pettiness, jealousy and drama around sexual issues we see (and read about here) everyday, I find this inspirational and a breath of fresh air. Intimacy really comes in many forms!

Post # 156
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@Magdalena:   Taking the swinger part out it. I don’t agree at all with your people who have more sex partners should pay higher insurance.


While I think there is no question about the fact that the more partners a person has the more likely it is for their risk to go up, I think it’s possible for someone who has less partners to be higher risk. Let me explain.


Let’s say Person A is into having fun and not looking for anything serious, she has two fwb and in a 2 year period several one night stands. Lets put that numer at five partners in total.


Person B doesn’t beilive in casual sex and only has sex when in commoitted relationships. Over the same 2 year period. She was with a boyfriend for a year, was single for six months then got a new boyfriend.


Person A, has serious talks about sti and testing status with her fwbs, goes with the fwbs to get tested regularly several times a years,  dose not  exchange fluids, only has oral sex with her fwbs using condoms or dental dams. Never has oral with one night stands. She always uses condoms.


Person B Has some vague talks with her boyfriends. Person B feels like since she not jumping partner to partner there no reason for her to get tested. Because Person B is in a relationship she only  goes on birth control and doesn’t make her boyfriends use condoms.


On paper I’m sure you can say Person A has a “high risk” sexual lifestyle. But in reality she is hyper aware of always having safe sex. takes all the precautions, uses all the things she should correctly. She also regularly gets tested and would in all likelyhood find out sooner then Person B if she got something.


Meanwhile while Person B is on paper looking like she has less risk. However she puts her self at more risk because she doesn’t take precautions, she doesn’t get tested, and she exchangings bodily fluids with 2 men even if there was a six month gap. She takes both mens word that they are safe, and doesn’t know when either of them were last tested.


So while in theory it would look like Person A has higher risk, in all auctuality Person B has a more risky lifestlye because she doesn’t test herself or partners, and she doesn’t use condoms, and she exchanging bodily fluids(most common way sti’s travel).


Post # 160
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@cdncinnamongirl:  I totally disagree with you. I don’t think swinging or polyness or what have you would be a benefit to all relationships or even to many of them. My relationship would not get better if my man was sleeping with other women or me doing the same. And I really disagree that it is the next step in social evolution for long term relationships. Ive never had the need to sleep with someone else in order to keep my relationship long term. Its like saying those who want and choose to be monogamous, who have that kind of commitment to their partners are behind and missing out in the new wave or whatever. If you like that life style cool for you, but thinking its the best for everyone, wow. No. Your post just rubbed me the wrong way

Post # 162
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Thank you for posting this. It’s nice to hear from other people in alternative relationship agreements who are on the Bee. We are polyamorous and have also been casually involved in “the lifestyle” (soft swap) in the past. We’ve been happily married for five years, together 13 years (since high school), and with our current partners for two years now in a closed “quad.” My husband and I are also expecting a baby in May and our partners are a great source of love and support for us. It takes all types to make the world go ’round!

Post # 163
2052 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Thanks for posting this! It’s been a really interesting read!  Question for you – you mention you first went to clubs just to watch and see what it was like.  Did the people their judge you for not getting involved and just watching? I’ve been curious about the adult resorts, but have been hesitant because I always thought just watching / and not getting involved was rude!

Post # 165
2777 posts
Sugar bee

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@swingerbee:  no questions, just wanted to pop in and say that this is awesome. I e mentioned swinging to my Fiance several times in the past and he’s totally against it. I’m glad it works for you guys (:

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