(Closed) We are torn on having a "real" wedding or not

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
489 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry what is supposed to be a happy time  has turned into such a stressor for you.

It seems like maybe your friends have lost interest after being told they weren’t going to be invited to the wedding. While I would understand why you were doing just family, I do think I would have at least a little less interest in helping you find a dress. 

As far as dresses go, my advice would be not to go and try one on until you are sure what you want to do about the wedding. I know for me, feeling beauiful in a pretty dress would probably have swayed my opinion when the whole thing really shouldn’t have that much to do with the dress. If you do decide to go with a full on wedding dress, don’t worr about going by yourself. I went to a couple shops by myself and found it to be much less stressful than it may have had if I had brought people with me. 


What about doing a courthouse wedding, or a simple ceremony at a public park and then inviting people to dinner at your favorite restaurant?

Post # 4
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

@DW82:  girl you’ve gone through a lot. And to say you deserve to celebrate finding your wonderful SO and having a loving relationship is an understatement. You deserve it! Whether it is a fancy affair or a simply but very nice event, I’d say go for it!

Maybe you can get ypur beautiful dress, have your family there, go for a nice small reception with them and then plan a kickass rest of the evening/weekend for you and your new husband! 

I get we all want to have people there for us and to celebrate but if for some reason you can’t, be it financial, distance, etc. Don’t let that take away from your experience! Celebrate and create new, happy memories that will last a lifetime. Even if it means just a couple of people and you and your husband. At the end of the day, those are the people who really matter 🙂


Post # 6
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@DW82:   Your story and mine have many similarities – my first marriage was very unhappy although quite a bit shorter than yours, and my current Fiance and I wondered what to do about a wedding.  And, I don’t have anyone local who is all that excieted about the wedding either – but I do have one friend who is going through the experience with me by email and she has been a huge help!   

You mention bridesmaids but not a person “of honor” unless I missed it- I wonder if your male friend could fill that role as a bridesman?  Then you’d have someone who is truly thrilled for you to help with the planning?  


Post # 7
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@DW82:  First off, congrats on escaping your horrible first relationship and congrats for finding such a wonderful FI!

Second, I would celebrate that by getting an amazing wedding dress, and then eloping with just you, Fiance, and daughter. Is she coming with you on your honeymoon? If she is, you could get married on the cruise!

If she’s not, you could get married before leaving and then jet off to your romantic honeymoon together. I’d even keep your dress on for the plane ride! So everyone can congratulate you on your amazing, amazing new marriage!

Post # 9
183 posts
Blushing bee

If I were you I would get married at a courthouse and then have a nice dinner at an upscale restaurant or something. It doesn’t sound like its really worth it to put together a whole fancy wedding if you feel like the people you are inviting won’t really be into it/care.

Post # 10
2960 posts
Sugar bee

Just decide what you and your FH would like to do and then do it.  Don’t worry about what other people think (except perhaps your daughter). Just do the things that you will enjoy the most and invite the people that you like the best.

Make it different from your previous wedding.  Buy a pretty dress.  Concentrate on your vows.  Ask everyone to dress up.  Maybe have an informal friends party when you get back from honeymoon.

Post # 12
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think a ‘real wedding’ is whatever makes you happy – if you want to have a photographer and  a nice dress even with a small crowd – or even if it is just you, Fiance and your daughter – then go for it!  

Post # 13
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@DW82:  You should be able to get beautiful photos taken with Mt. Ranier in the background in Seattle.  Talk to a local photographer – I am sure they will know lots of good local spots to take photos (and they should have a digital portfolio that you can get ideas from).

Post # 14
47187 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


 I am also an encore bride so I have empathy for your situation.

I was going to ask if you had children, then read at the end that you had a daughter.

My first suggestion is to stop trying to attribute meaning or motivation to what people say. As parents, it’s something we have to teach our children, but we also have to remember it ourselves.

When your Mom said “You know, if you two just want to get married at the courthouse, it won’t bother us.” , she may have been trying to be supportive of whatever decision you make, rather than indicating disinterest.

Ditto with the girlfriend’s comment. If she can’t joke with a girlfriend about her fat ass, who can she joke with?

Instead of looking for validation from other people, plan the wedding you want. Often, the small intimate family weddings are the most beautiful. Budget won’t have such influence on decision making when you are planning a smaller wedding. You can have the exact details you want.

Post # 15
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s a real wedding, no matter what you end up doing.  This was my second go-round as well and I had absolutely no interest in planning a large reception or wedding.  We did look at a local B&B (we live in Portland, Oregon), but ultimately decided a courthouse wedding (with all the nice trimmings) and then dinner at a nice restaurant was more our style.  We had the people who were important to us in attendance and also had the fancy accoutrements, as well. 

Post # 16
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@julies1949:  +100.

I got married on the beach with 11 other people in attendance followed by a nice dinner party. It was perfect. For our first anniversary, we will be throwing an anniversary party/reception in my backyard. Do what feels right for YOU and people will follow suit.:)

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