- 7 years ago
This is my first post! I am in a unique situation and hoping that you have some advice!
My boyfriend and I have been through a lot. We met at the end of high school and have been together for the last 10 years. We went to different universities and have had a long distance relationship and agreed to get married once we were both in the same city. We are also an interracial couple so we had a tough time in the beginning with our families accepting our relationship.
He got a new job in May which allows him to work out of a home office so we thought we would get married or at least engaged by the end of this year.
He still lives at home with his parents so I go there every weekend as my parents are also in the same city and I don’t want to move in together before we’re married. We were sitting in my mom’s kitchen a few months ago and were looking at rings online as almost all of our friends are engaged/married and my mom said that we can’t get engaged until my sister, who is 2 years older is engaged first. I think it has to do with an old tradition dating back to the days of arranged marriages where the older sister got married off first.
My sister does not know any of this and this is strictly coming from my mom and my dad just doesn’t say anything as he wants to keep the peace. My sister has even asked us when we’re getting married but I don’t want to say anything to her as I don’t want her to feel guilty. She doesn’t even live in the same country as me so she has no idea of what happens on the weekends when I’m at home. She also isn’t in a serious relationship so I’m not sure when she would even get married.
I showed my mom a ring online a few weeks ago and she got upset and said, “what, you’re getting engaged now?” I told her that we’re looking at options since we’re pretty much on standby until we get the ok to move forward. I know that I can just do whatever I want but my boyfriend and I want to keep the peace and be respectful for as long as we can.
We’ve set a deadline of next summer to get engaged and married but i just feel so sad not being able to share this with my family. He and I are looking at rings and this weekend we’ve made an appointment with a venue to see what our options are.
His older sister who was married last year isn’t being supportive at all and our friends keep saying that we just need to get married and forget about my sister. The direction isn’t coming from my sister, but from my mom and we just don’t want to upset anyone. So even if my sister is ok with it which isn’t the issue, my mom would be very upset. Every time we get together with friends, they ask if they need to book time off for our wedding or just come out and ask if we’ve set a date yet. We’ve explained everything to them but they just won’t give up and it’s very upsetting that they keep bringing it up knowing our situation.
I have lost a lot of sleep over this and I just don’t know what to do to make things better. My boyfriend has been absolutely amazing! He has been so supportive but it’s still difficult with both of us being questioned on a weekly basis by co-workers/friends/family about when we’re getting married.