(Closed) We asked a friend to be the officiant

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 16
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We did. We gave him a script. But he also called our family and got cute stories about us from them. It was very sweet. 

Post # 17
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

We did this, and it was also legal due to California laws being just they have to be ordained. You can check your state here, and it’s free. https://theamm.org/

Our friend’s husband is the loud, crap talker type but also pretty funny and we knew he wouldn’t screw up. We just gave him a few guidelines (mention God once, keep it light, etc) and trusted him. He was great and whole thing was done in 10-12 minutes. He had a funny schtick about my husband no longer hanging with the guys watching games and do equally fun Ikea Sundays. He also recited a poem by contemporary artist Katherine Perry and proceeded to recite a the first verse and chorus of California Girls – one of my faves aka Katy Perry. It was awesome.

My advice is if your friend is pretty social, give them a few key things and let them run with it. And if you don’t have a videographer, get someone to record it!

Post # 18
2956 posts
Sugar bee

We did – I asked a good friend who is a litigator. I think I found a script online and emailed it to her – but told her just to figure something out. She ran it by us after the rehearsal dinner. It was great. We wanted someone we knew who would be able to speak in front of others and add some sort of “official”-ness to it.  She did a great job.

Post # 19
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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chelebean :  My sister did ours! It was amazing 🙂

Post # 20
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My uncle is a former probate court judge, and used to perform court house weddings as part of his job. He officiated my sister’s wedding last year, and we are having him do mine too. It used to be one of his favorite parts of his job, and it’s really fun that he gets to keep performing weddings now that he’s retired. I love having someone who knows the couple well performing the ceremony!

Post # 21
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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chelebean :  I have had a friend who did this and it was pretty awesome! I am sure you will be even more excited that a frienf is doing it for you 🙂 

Post # 23
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

We are having a friend officiatebecause we can’t find one where we live in Thailand (we are having Thai Buddhist ceremony in the morning, then a Western style ceremony in the evening). It won’t be legal, we’ll have done all our paperwork beforehand. But I’m really struggling to write the ceremony. I want it to be short and sweet because there will be a lot of people without much English understanding, but even with scouring websites on this I’m really struggling to find something that doesn’t feel really forced/ far too formal for us.

Post # 24
1002 posts
Bumble bee

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chelebean : We had a friend of mine officiate. He was an ordained minister, so it seemed like a no brainer. He was so nervous he forgot to have everyone sit down and he pronounced us Mr and Mrs McFarlane. Our name is McFadden. 😂😂😂😂. My husband said”McFarlane, McFadden, whatever.” To this day we, as well as our friends joke about it 

Post # 25
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

We asked DH’s stepfather to officiate our wedding. He did a great job but if I had to do it again I would have paid someone. His mom and aunt are very religious (well actually the very hypocritical christian type) and they stirred up so much shit about us not getting married in a church or by a priest. He didn’t get ordained until like a week before the wedding and didn’t take our wedding day off so he worked so I had to stress that he would be on time. I thought it was odd that he never asked us what we wanted in our ceremony but we had already written one. I found out after the wedding that his mom WROTE A CEREMONY FOR US that every other word was Jesus or God and they had a huge fight about using our ceremony right before the wedding. Definitely wasn’t worth the stress in my mind.

Post # 26
1727 posts
Bumble bee

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chelebean :  my cousin officiated our wedding! In Wisconsin, he was able to get ordained online and legally officiate.

Has anyone done this before? We asked him via phone call as he doesn’t live too close. We emailed a lot, talked on the phone, and met once for dinner to discuss details.

How did your ceremony go? It went great! We have him a general outline, a reading, and our vows. He came up with the rest from online research. He used a black leather portfolio to hold his notes.

Did you do anything special? We had a wine and love letter unity ceremony. He gave a small reflection on marriage that was a complete surprise to us. In my opinion, it was nice to not know everything. It was a nice addition.

Normally the officiant is a side note. Since he’s family, his name was on the front of the program. He got a boutonniere and walked down the aisle ahead of the parents. Since he’s known me for 30+ years and DH for almost a decade, he was able to make it personal.

For example, this was about 2 minutes into the ceremony. (photo courtesy Quicksilver Photography)

Post # 28
6309 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Whomever you pick, make sure they are a confident public speaker. I’m a wedding photographer, so I’ve seen a lot of ceremony flubs over the years from not using an experienced officiant. Usually they get tounge-tied or nervous and lose their spot. The other biggest, most annoying, is when they forget to tell people to be seated. 

Just make sure they have plenty of time to practice and WRITE IN every single aspect of the ceremony (when they need to tell people to be seated, when musicians will play, etc) so they aren’t just rolling through the ceremony and skipping important parts.

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