(Closed) We asked for their address – do we absolutely HAVE to invite them?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
164 posts
Blushing bee

Hmmm…well I would say that technically you do not have to invite them, since you have not yet sent out your Save-The-Date Cards. However, I would be prepared for a possible awkward conversation then, because I know that if someone asked for my address and then I never got an invite, I might be a little hurt.

Then again, if your Fiance doesn’t even talk to them and they aren’t really friends, maybe they would come anyway, or wouldn’t be offended.

Post # 4
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

If all you asked for was their address and you don’t want to invite them, than I would say that you don’t have to invite them.

But, if it were me, and I asked them “can I have your address so I can send you a wedding invitation?” than I might feel obligated to send them one since I already announced it to them and it would be awkward later if they didn’t receive one and asked about it.

If all you asked for was the address and if it ever comes up as to why, you could just say that you were updating your address book or something.

Post # 5
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Are these people that you’ll run into socially in the future?  Like do you have friends in common? How long has it been since your fiance stopped talking to them?

I would think (although I’m not an expert) that if you haven’t yet sent a STD to them, you’re not technically obligated to invite them.  If you decided not to do it, and they mentioned something, you could always say that you were sorry you had to cut your number down for various reason or something.

Post # 6
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009


Did you guys tell them WHY you were asking for their address?  I had the same situation happen with me, kinda.  We started reviewing our list and trying to see who we could cut.  Well, his mother was nice enough to forget to mail a STD to two of his guy cousins, who he rarely sees anyway.  I asked his sister if she had told them WHY she wanted their address and she said NO, she just asked for their address.  So, that was an easy call for us. 

So, basically, if you DIDN’T tell them why you wanted it, you’re pretty much in the clear.  If you DID tell them, screw it!!!  At $500 a couple, I would totally not be inviting NOT CLOSE friends.  Just my opinion.   


Post # 7
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

$500 a COUPLE???????????????? <falls over dead>

Post # 8
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hmm, I would lean more toward not inviting them if you didn’t tell them why you needed their address. But if you e-mailed them, and you said, “hey, we’re getting married and want to invite you! What’s your address?” then well, you might run into some problems with that.

Just keep in mind that they might not even come if you invite them. We found that for friends we hadn’t seen in a long time, but felt obligated to invite, they declined. So I think it’s up to you to figure out if you would one, run into them in the future, and it would cause hurt feelings, or two, if you think they’ll even care.

Post # 9
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You don’t have to. Depending on how you know these folks, it might be weird going forward, but they should just let it slide. 

It’s happened to me twice that I was asked for my address and SO’s name from a newly engaged person, a friendly acquaintance or old friend who’s fallen out of touch, and then never invited. Although I would have enjoyed going, I can’t say that I expected it, and when I see them again (usually in larger groups of friends) I don’t mention it.

Post # 10
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeh, a good way to cover is to send them a card to say, great running into you.  Throw them off the trail a lil.  And I sympathize with your cost per couple.  Some venues are $250 pp in the Northeast.

Post # 11
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I don’t think there is any need to invite them unless as mentioned above you told them what you were asking for their addresses for or if you had already sent out a STD…

I will speak from experience however, some people think that if they have been told you are getting married, read an annoucement in the mail, or have  your parents happen to tell them about the wedding they just expect to get an invite….

I think its just about how comfortable you feel if there is that stranger interaction if they do not get an invite…

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Post # 12
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

I would say unless you told them you wanted the address so you could send them an STD, you don’t need to.  If you do get their address you can send them a greeting card to throw them off : )

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