We both cheated on each other

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 17
2487 posts
Buzzing bee

This is your “learn from it” marriage. My high school “group” was about 20 women, most of whom married in college or immediately after graduation.

In that group of marriages, there were 17 divorces. All in that group married successfully in their second marriage except for one, who has been married four times, obviously a different category from the rest.

You and your husband both sound firmly grounded in common sense and maturity, something that was most likely not the case when your relationship began as much younger people.

Proceed as you are now. May your subsequent relationships be blessed by the maturity and wisdom that you have helped each other learn!

Post # 18
3734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

anonforthetimebeeing :  HA! My proposal was similarly romantic. He did get down on one knee, but said “So, you wanna?”… then avoided all wedding discussion for about 2-3 months… I should have known better. We had both cheated too… him for the entire length of our relationship, me just once I realized it was over but I was too scared to start completely over. It was stupid and I regret it. Surprise, surprise; I didnt actaully find anyone to start over with. I did it alone and it was the best thing I could have ever done.

Post # 19
2608 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

It sounds like you are more suited as friends and you stayed together out of habit and comfort. Divorce is the right answer here. Be happy for eacother and move on with your lives.

Post # 20
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

anonforthetimebeeing :  Your proposal sounds so much like mine from my first marriage. Which, ended in divorce as well. Although, not nearly as amicably. lol

I think you both are making the right choice in getting a divorce. it sounds like you haven’t connected in a really long time and have just been living as roommates that never saw each other. 

To your question about being excited, no, I think that’s totally normal! I was SO excited when my ex and I split up. I even had co-workers commenting on how happy I was the week following him moving out. lol I will say, being single wasn’t quite as much fun as I thought it would be. I did get lonely and sad at times, but I also grew tremendously and figured out what I wanted and needed for the future. Best of luck to you – I hope you spend some time focusing on yourself and your needs.


Post # 21
6149 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

This actually sounds like a really hopeful and positive position to be in. You married someone you were with for a long time- the default relationship. Now, you are living like roommates, have done for years, and you’ve both already moved on (mentally, emotionally and sexually if not entirely physically). The legalities are really just a formality at this point. It sounds like both of you are ready to get on with your own lives. 

Post # 23
4802 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Your marriage died a long time ago and that’s why you’re not too upset about it. This was a long time coming.

Who gets to keep the dogs? That’s what I would be worried about!

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