We broke up. I need comfort, advice, etc.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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onceuponabee :  I’m sorry you’re going through this! I know it’s hard to look past how much pain you’re in right now but you WILL be ok, you will find someone to love you, and marry you, and build a life with.

If you have any friends or family that you could call, or visit with please reach out to them for support as well.

Post # 3
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Aww hugs bee! No matter your age having a broken heart is the worst pain. You deserve someone who thinks that being with you is the best thing since indoor plumbing, not someone who think you’re a mistake.

Post # 4
Member
4600 posts
Honey bee

I’m so sorry that you and your SO broke up.  Four years is a long time to spend with someone and it’s going to hurt.  

Take care of yourself during this time.

 

Post # 5
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

 

View original reply
onceuponabee :  I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I can only imagine what you are going through right  now and only time will heal. You will get through this, please be strong and keep your head up. It is ok to feel sad, angry and devastated but that is normal and part of healing. Sometimes we feel something or someone is good for us but it’s the opposite and by you loosing them is the beginning of something greater. Try to talk and catch up with friends, join the gym etc to destruct yourself. I promise you weeks from now you will be in a better place and will glad that you are no longer in that situation. Best wishes 

Post # 6
Member
2948 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Give yourself permission to grieve and be kind to yourself while you go through this process.

But please know that eventually, you will pick your ass up and move on, and there will be someone out there who is ready to love you when you’re ready to let them. I know it feels like the end of the world right now, because you’re watching the future you thought you had crumble – that’s devestating! But life does go on, you will move on, and somewhere down the line this relationship will just be a chapter in your history.

Post # 7
Member
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - Country/barn

A lot of us have been right there in your shoes and felt the exact same way. And as cliche as it sounds, it will get better, you will move on, and you will find someone again. But right now it hurts and you’re devastated and that’s ok. Your feelings are valid. I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time 😔

Post # 8
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

They sure won’t want to be with you with that attitude…

Be miserable. Embrace the shock and change to your life plans. It’s a death to your dreams you are dealing with. It’s going to suck. Go through the stages of grief. Look into a counselor for yourself. Try not to date again right away but let yourself heal.

As you start to date again, watch that you don’t let what happened affect how you treat the next guy. 

Be glad he saved you from more expenses and a divorce in a few years. 

Finally… don’t look at it as wasted time… but in life experiences and memories that are the fabric of your life. Marriage isn’t the sole goal of your life… but building a life you love for its own sake.

Post # 9
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’m so sorry, bee. Four years is a long time and I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to. But know that this pain will get better. Eventually you’ll go 10 minutes without thinking about him and then an hour and then a whole day and then one day you’ll realize that it’s been months since you’ve given him a thought at all. It’ll get better, bee. Just hang in there.

Post # 10
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You keep mentioning that no one is going to want to be with you. Why do you feel this way?

Listen to me, re read this sentance over and over untill it sticks and say it out loud.

You ARE worthy of love, worthy of being loved, and will find love again. You ARE enough for someone else and you WILL find happiness again.

It may seem horrible right now but breaking up this relationship IS the right thing to do. It frees you up to find the RIGHT person for YOU. 

I’m so sorry you are going through this pain, most of us have or will experience it but there is light at the tunnel. 

Post # 11
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

You don’t want to hear anything about being 23. But I’m gonna be the devil’s advocate, because everyone else is gonna respond with the love and support you do truly deserve, but you need to hear this too.  

You want someone to care for you. Clearly, he has cared for you your entire adult life and you don’t know anything different.

Why can’t you take care of yourself, and learn to take care of yourself, before you go on? You have so much time. I know you don’t want to hear it, but you do. Someone is gonna take care of you and WANT to take care of you, but psychologists everywhere will tell you that it is important to be independent first. 

Love yourself. You are worth love. And the moment you believe that, love will find you in a way you will never expect. 

I was in your shoes at 23. 6-year relationship, gone up in smoke. He became a different person, and I wanted more. I thought no one would want me. Now I’m engaged at 26 to someone who will never leave my side. 

Learn to love yourself, and that’s how love will love you. 

Post # 12
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Break-ups are awful. I broke up with a long term boyfriend at about your age and I was devastated. I saw a therapist, wrote in a journal, and hung out with friends. I did things that I wouldn’t have done while I was with him. For example, I started bicycling long distances with friends—he never liked to do things outdoors. 

With the help of friends, my therapist, and my journal, things eventually got better. 

Post # 13
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

I am so sorry you’re going through this. It’s awful and it’s miserable, and I would never wish it on anyone. It’s hard to lose someone who felt like a part of yourself.

Cry. Cry your eyes out. It hurts like hell to be told that being with you would be a mistake – I’ve been there. The guy I was with before my fiance told me that, and it destroyed me. Did my fiance swoop in and help me pick up the pieces? No. I did that my god damn self. I needed to learn to love myself – just like you need to. 

Yes 4 years feels like a long time, and your time is absolutely precious and valid, but it wasn’t wasted time. It was time spent growing and learning. Undoubtably you learned a lot about how to love and be loved. The relationship didn’t go where you wanted, and that absolutely sucks and hurts. But you have grown so much in that time, and you should be proud of where you are now. 

Someone will absolutely want to marry you and love you and will think that you’re perfect just how you are right now. But what is more important is you need to love yourself and be happy with yourself. You need to take care of yourself, because no one will take care of you like you can take care of you. Take ownership of what you deserve – you deserve someone who loves you and thinks they’re the luckiest person in the world to be with you. You deserve to be truly loved. He didn’t, so you don’t need him. You’re going to find what you deserve. Just give yourself time to heal. Time is precious, yes, but time spent healing is so, so valuable and so, so worth it.

It’ll be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end yet.

Post # 14
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

I know it’s hard to see now but you’ll get through this.  Take you time, heal, lean on others for support.  When you’re ready you’ll meet the right guy.  There no way around the pain but you’ll get through it.  Hang in there bee.  As someone whose been through two divorces I promise you the best is yet to come. 

Post # 15
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I wish you saw me when I was 23, it would give you hope. I just got out of a 6 year relationship and was laying in bed all day, drinking, making horrible choices and putting my family through such a hard time. I was broken. But don’t give up on yourself! I did for far too long and wish I had that time back to travel, make more friends, and love myself. I’m 26 now, engaged to the most perfect man and I never thought this would happen to me. So if it can happen to someone who was a giant, drunk, emotional train wreck like myself- it can happen to you. 

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