(Closed) We broke up. Long post.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

Do NOT feel guilty. You enabled and enabled and enabled him. Even after all you did for him, he still had the nerve to talk shit about you behind your back. Please know you are deserving of respect and an equal partnership! If he doesn’t have shit together at this point, it’s likely that he never will. Just continue to remember what a relief it was to get rid of him the first time. Don’t romanticize the relationship now that you’re lonely. It sounds like you were miserable!

Post # 3
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

lonelybee28:  I don’t know that there is a ‘right’ thing in this situation, but I know you know that things are the way they need to be now, and that it would only end up much worse if you invited him back into your life. There is no doubt that you would not be able to hold back your hostility towards him, which would result in a terrible living situation for you both. I see absolutely no potential ‘pros’ of going backwards here, but there are a endless ‘cons’.

Not that it really matters but I’m a little confused – was he your Fiance or SO?

Keep moving forward and take your time with your next relationship. Getting to know yourself and a new partner are both criticial and extremely enjoyable experiences when you give them the time and space to happen organically. Best of luck!

Post # 4
Hostess
8959 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

 

lonelybee28:  WTF?!?!?!? Stop just a minute. You are not responsible for this man. He is a man child who fucked himself over by bailing out on his appartment, decided he needed a new “mommy” to care for him which you took the role of. When you quite rightly lost your shit because he was being so clingy and pathetic and needy, he lied about you to his colleagues. This dude sounds shady as shit and you should not let him back into you life. No freaking way. Move on with your life. You 100% did the right thing.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Mrs_Beer.
Post # 5
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Woooooow. DONT waste any time on him bee! Seriously, shady man. Plus, he sounds like a grade a mooch! Let this one go. Find a guy who is actually mature enough to not leave you when going gets rough and emotionally equipped to deal with your relationship together. 

Your whole situation reminded me of my ex. Your post made my skin crawl. If possible, install better home security and change your locks while keeping personal security tools on you too. 

Post # 6
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Block his number and move on. Neither of you benefit if you drag this out. 

Post # 7
Member
5159 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I was reading through this and trying to figure out when you got engaged in all of this since yesterday call him your Fiance. As I would have been SHOCKED you got engaged with all that drama. Dude, just don’t bring him back into your life. Not only is he codependent, needy, but he is incredibly disrespectful. I am a little lost as to how it got as far as it did in the first place. Stop enabling him.

I don’t even know why you would even consider having him back because of guilt. That is a horrible reason to tie yourself to anyone.

This whole thing sounds toxic. Incredibly toxic. I think you not only need to keep him out of your life, but do some serious self evalaution as to why you enabled this for as long as you did, and are even considering bringing that back in your life.

Post # 8
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

lonelybee28:  “…to just let him come back so that I don’t feel guilty anymore. I honestly don’t know what to do.”

Okay, don’t let him move back in with you. If he does, it’s possible he’ll have some legal standing and parting ways again will just be even harder. If you feel guilty, sign him up for a financial planning course or help him find some resources. Do NOT get sucked into this, bee.

Post # 9
Member
8968 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

lonelybee28:  It souns like you both treated each other badly. He should have ignored your begging the first time he left when you spoke to him “like he was a lesser human”, and you shouldn’t have taken him back after the second time. He’s gone, leave it be. You were bad for each other. You can’t change his issues but you can and should recognize your own role in this.

Post # 10
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

lonelybee28:  You did not make him homeless, he did that to himself. YOU dodged a bullet! Stay strong, bee. 

Post # 11
Member
303 posts
Helper bee

I agree with RayKay.  So this guy took advantage of you monetarily and for comfort (packing lunches/ having a place to stay for minimal rent), wasn’t honest with you as he was running his mouth behind your back, left you, and you are even THINKING of taking him back?!

This whole thing is way too dramatic.  There’s no stability, honesty, or healthy communication.  I think your new normal became taking care of him, and you probably just need to give yourself time to re-adjust to normalcy.  You’ll be fine, and please PLEASE don’t get into another entanglement with this guy.

Post # 12
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Neither of you come out of this sounding great. You make it sound as if you only got with him because he had a place of his own and a “proper job”. Next time wait for somebody you have a spark with, who gives you butterflies.

Post # 13
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Sounds like you only actually enjoyed this relationship for about 30 days. WAYY too toxic.

Also, if a man doesn’t introduce you to his friends within 6 months, he’s not interested in spending the rest of his life with you. Sorry but you were his meal ticket and I would NOT feel guilty. He’s a big boy, he can figure his own money issues out, move on!

Post # 14
Member
10083 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

No. No, no, no. You rushed into a relationship with a guy who you really didn’t know and it bit you on the ass. This is a learning experience, bee. He is not yours to care for, he is a grown ass man who needs to get his shit together. Maybe you were a jerk because you were mad, oh well! It happens! But feeling guilty isn’t a good enough reason to ruin your life.

Live, learn and move on. Block his number and continue on with your life.

Post # 15
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Letting him move back in does not fix anything.  After about two days, your guilt will get to you again on a different level. 

Cut contact, block his number, block him on FB, block everything.  Don’t let him contact you and move on.

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