(Closed) We can’t even talk about the wedding.

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Why are they saying you were inconsiderate? and what is it that they felt you did wrong?

Post # 4
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh my gosh, that’s so awful. I’m so sorry. What happened that they are so angry/upset with you and your husband? 🙁

Post # 5
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Whats the story behind this?

 

But either way…thats awful! Maybe you should tell him and his family this!! 🙁

Post # 7
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Oh man… I remember your original posts. I’m so sorry your in-laws are bat$#!% crazy.

Post # 8
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you need to have a serious chat with your husband about this. What they have done to you is NOT right at all, and regardless of them cutting him off, he needs to cut them off and end this… YESTERDAY. He needs to talk to them and not let them cut him off or bash you in that manner. 

Post # 9
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i remember now as well….im speechless…i dont know what to say. Maybe you just need to remove them from your life a little. Let you and hubby have some alone time, reminisce about the good things from your wedding with friends and family who did enjoy it.

As harsh as it seems maybe you just need to cut the toxic out of your life.

Post # 10
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i agree with BaileyH… people like your Mother-In-Law just cant be pleased. i think it is wasted effort to even bother worrying about her cos she seems petty and mean. in a perfect world it would be great to have a good relationship with her but if she wants to behave in this manner i think you just take a step back and not allow her to be a constant presence in your lives

Post # 11
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ohhh, now I remember. I second what zippylef said- those people are bats*it crazy!

They seem so sick and dysfunctional on so many levels, I don’t think you should be around them AT ALL. Where is your family in all of this? Are you close with them? What about friends? Do you have a good group of friends?

I think you should tell your husband exactly how you feel. You are his WIFE now, and YOU should come first. His family needs to respect you and treat you with kindness, or neither of you should be around them. His Mom is getting away with this crap because she is allowed to. She should have been stopped a long time ago.

It is clear at this point that the only relationship his family is interested in having with you is an abusive one. NO ONE should have to tolerate that. Until they can learn how to act, I simply wouldn’t be around them. They don’t seem to add anything but pain to your life. Who needs that?

Fill your lives with people who love and care about you and move on. Remember, the only way someone can walk all over you, is if you lie down on the floor and let them!

Post # 12
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is sad because what will end up happening is you and your husband and your future kids will have very little if nothing to do with them. I have seen this with my dad’s parents a little bit (but not to this extent) because my Dad’s mom and my mom don’t get along. They will end up hurting in the end because their relationship with their son and future grandchildren have been ruined. 

Stay strong and don’t let them walk all over you– you will respect yourself more in the end. And if I were you I would avoid as much contact with them as possible- at least for now. 

Post # 14
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

God, I just read all of your previous posts back to back and got depressed at work…I can’t believe how nice you are and how you’re being treated! I am so, so sorry. The only good thing is that it has not affected your relationship with your husband at all. If you can withstand this awfulness together,  it says a lot for the strength of your marriage. If for nothing else, be happy for that. I was also glad to see the part about you considering to move to a different state. It seems like the cleanest break to me and is what I would do. Stay strong!

Post # 15
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You have to focus on the happy parts and the things about it that you enjoyed. Maybe if you and you Fiance get a chance to take a vacation in the next year you could do a vow renewal (just you guys) and treat it like a 2nd honeymoon. 

Post # 16
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I know you’re not going to believe what I’m about to say, but trust me, it’s true…  All this crap will fade away. You won’t forget it, but at some point it will become unimportant to you and will no longer diminish your feelings about your special day.

The reason I say this is because I experienced something somewhat similar. Four years ago I was invited by a friend to visit him in London. He said it would be good for me to get away and experience something outside of my comfort zone. Since I was poor, he made arrangements for me to stay with friends and let me stay at his place a few days. Needless to say, his girlfriend was completely opposed to this. I had asked him over and over before I went how she felt, and he constantly assured me that she was okay with it and that she was making plans for things we could do together…you know shopping, sight seeing, etc. However, when I got there, she wouldn’t even meet me.

Other than that, the trip was wonderful. I wandered all over London on my own. I drank ale at a pub, I walked across tower bridge, toured the Tower of London, saw the crown jewels, and even saw the Prime Minister get out of his car and go into his house. I didn’t see my friend very often, except in the evenings on the few days I stayed at his place. But it was great. I came home feeling like I’d had the most wonderful trip in the world.

However, about a week after I got home, my friend told me that I had made his life miserable when I was there. He said I was inconsiderate, that I took advantage of his hospitality, that I was selfish and didn’t consider how my visit would affect his relationship. I reminded him that he invited me, and that I gave him plenty of opportunities to tell me it wouldn’t be good for his relationship, and that over and over and over he said he wanted me to come visit… blah, blah, blah.

His attitude after I got home ruined my trip. I couldn’t think about it without crying for the longest time. He had taken my lovely trip and turned it into an opportunity to blame me for everything that was wrong in his relationship, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong.

But now…. I look back on my lovely trip and I think of all the wonderful things I did on my own. The things I saw and did. The foods I tasted, the people I talked to. I woudn’t trade the experience for anything. What he said and did afterwards means nothing. He can’t take away my lovely trip. I realized that he was the one who had a problem. A friend had invited me to a place I had never been and I accepted that invitation and had a lovely time…and the memories from the trip are so much brighter and more vivid that any of the nastiness that followed.

I know that’s a long story… But I can almost bet that you’ll find the same thing will be true about your wedding.  Think about the beauty of it and let go of anything that happened that might tarnish your perfect day.

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