- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
i am (and 90% of the guests from my side are) from the east coast…pretty much the northeast as far as social standards go. i now live in the northern midwest, which is where Fiance is from (and ALL of his family/friends). and we’re butting heads over what to do about alcohol at our reception, since our first-choice venue has a mix of some pretty pricey stuff and some pretty basic stuff.
i don’t know if this is something typical to the northeast or if it’s just my family/social circle, but you don’t ask your guests to pay for anything at a wedding. if you don’t want to pay for something, you don’t make it available. this particular venue allows you to tailor what you want made available to your guests (and how…either they pay or you get the tab), or you can cap it at a certain dollar amount, or whatever you want to do. they don’t have an actual bar setup in the event rooms, so the wait staff bring the drinks…the guests won’t know what’s there that hasn’t been made available unless they leave the room and go to the actual physical bar themselves. so i’ve been suggesting that we do certain beers and wines only, or maybe rail drinks on top of that, etc, and he keeps saying, “yeah, and the other stuff available if they pay for it.” i guess he doesn’t feel we should limit what the guests can have, but the way i’ve experienced it, i feel like that’s the same as saying, “you can have the chicken or fish for free, but if you want steak you have to pay for it.” considering that everyone from my side is going to have to drop a pretty nice chunk of change just to even BE at the wedding, i feel like telling them if they want something (anything, even if it’s an “upgrade”), that they have to pay is just plain rude. i get that cash bars are done around here all the time, and if i went to a friend’s wedding and there was a cash bar, i’d be completely ok with it. but i feel like this is a little different.
the sticking point is really that i told him that he could take the reins and have the final say-so on stuff since i’ve done this before and he hasn’t, but this is something i really don’t even want to compromise on, because any sort of compromise is still asking for guests to pay for something, which i feel is wrong, at least in this situation.
right now it’s still civil. i expect it will remain civil because that’s how we are, and for now we CAN kick the can on making a final decision. they only require a room-rental fee (~$150) up front, the rest of the bill gets paid at the end of the event, so we have until 3 days before to finalize our bar decision. eventually we’re going to have to decide something though.
what would you do? i don’t want to start a cash- vs open-bar debate, i understand that different things are acceptable in different areas. i’m more worried about the meshing of two different standards here.
ETA: when i say “it’s still civil,” i mean our argument/debate/disagreement, lol. as in, nobody is getting passionate, there aren’t raised voices, etc…i don’t mean we’re still being civil to each other in general. wow that sounded bad re-reading it! we’re not going to let something as silly as alcohol at our wedding get between us, lol.