(Closed) We decided to elope!… Now to tell the families…

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

I wonder about this as well, as im seriously considering elopement myself, but i dont want to dissapoint our families. im the youngest out of 3, none of us has ever been married, we’re all 30+ yrs old. so i feel like im taking that experience away from my parents to finally see me on my BiG day.

theres not alot of ways you can tell them this, i wouldnt do phone or email kindof impersonal. a sit down with your loved ones about the update should suffice. if you drink id have a couple of shots first before you meet them 😡 lol. 

Post # 4
Member
2753 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@misscakeandtea:  Congratulations! That’s so exciting! I’m sorry it may be stressful to tell your family, but then again maybe they’ll take it better than you fear. I would definitely share the news in a very positive and upbeat attitude and remind everyone that it’s about the love the two of you share and how happy it makes you. Also segue right to the fact that you still want to have a reception afterwards to celebrate the event with loved ones.

I agree that it can’t be done over email of a phone call. Maybe after a family dinner and over dessert and/or after dinner drinks? Do you have a sympathetic parent or two that you can tell ahead of time to be the one who helps others accept it? He/she wouldn’t have to let on that they knew ahead of time, but it might help others simmer down (i.e. your FFIL) if someone with a calm and happy reaction speaks first.

Also, the two of you should sit down and make sure you are of one mind when it comes to answering questions. You may not be able to anticipate every question, but I’m sure you’ll have an idea of the big ones, and can make sure to agree ahead of time to what y’all want to say. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@misscakeandtea:  YAY!!!

but I’m a bit confused. You say you are eloping, and then you say you are moving the “wedding” earlier. Do you mean the small reception you are planning afterwards?

Are you now planning more of a “honeymoon wedding” where you get married abroad on a trip? or doing a court house ceremony before jetting off somewhere, and then having the reception when you get back?

however you do it, you seem excited so I’m excited for you! I wouldn’t have traded my wedding day for anything, but we really wanted our families to meet each other, and we managed to do it without a lot of stress.

Best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
4945 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you are eloping, you don’t have to tell them until after, really. We simply sent our families a picture of us holding a “we eloped” sign.

 

Post # 8
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am in kind of the same boat — but I am doing more of a “private wedding” type of thing because I never intended to keep it a secret. I just told my mom that even as a little girl, I never pictured myself having a traditional wedding, and now with family issues, and things that have happened since I have gotten older, the more I know that it is not the logical decision for me to make. 

Of course she is upset, and she even said she was upset because of selfish reasons, that she was thinking about what was best for her, and not best for me. I just hope that one day she’ll get over it — all weddings are the same.

Anyway, you don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to. You may cause less hurt feelings, if that is what you care about, just making it a surprise, that way you won’t have months and months of talking about your wedding that no one is going to attend. Whatever you do, whenever you do it, just be kind, but firm.

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