(Closed) We didn’t register = No wedding gifts?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m hoping we get money from our guests as we did not register for anything because we have been living together 3 years and have everything in a house you could want. However i do not expect money from many of our guests because allot of them are from out of town and will be paying for flights, gas and hotel rooms to come to the wedding.

Post # 18
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

This is why I will not be having an open bar. : / People are so inconsiderate when they don’t have to pay….

That aside, I’m sorry that you didn’t get anything! Is there any possibility that gifts could still be on their way? Perhaps in your thank-you cards you could also be a little passive-aggressive and bemoan the fact that their gift was “lost in the mail”, or state that you “hope they enjoyed the wine they stole”, LOL. (Yeah…I know…high road and all, but STEALING WINE?! Geez, that’s low.)

Post # 19
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We aren’t registering, and we don’t expect to get cash in lieu of gifts either. We sincerely don’t want anything other than to celebrate with our family and close friends.

I probably would have been one of the guests who just gave you a card b/c not having a registry doesn’t scream “give me cash” to me. To me it says that you only want to share your day with your guests. That’s probably what some of your guests were thinking as well. As far as the wine thieves…totally ridiculous. If you can find out who they were, you would definitely be within your rights to call then out on that.

I think it’s generally a bad idea to expect to recoup wedding expenses from cash received at the wedding. It allmost never happens.

Post # 20
Member
10354 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We only got gifts from around 60% of ur guests – and we DID register. Just not everyone does. Also, i’m sure other will say this – you shouldn’t expect people’s gifts to cover the expense of the wedding for you. If you couldn’t afford an open bar bill, you shouldn’t have had an open bar. That was horrible of people to take wine bottles – they may not have realized that you paid on consumption. We paid a flat per head fee, so if that had happened at my wedding, we would not have been charged further.

Post # 21
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We didn’t register and specifically asked for NO GIFTS as we already have what we need. About 40% gave us cash or gift cards anyway. Still some people gave us no cards and I think that was a little upsetting to me as I kept all the greeting cards we received.

I always ignore registeries when I am the guest – cash always fits!

Post # 22
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This post scares me! Whenever I can’t find a registry for someone, I always assume they want cash!! I know a few of my friends here in ohio made a nice profit at their 200-250 guest weddings- The one made around 17,000 and the other around 12,000.

I’m not trying to make a profit, having friends and family there to celebrate the wedding is extrememly important and is a gift in itself. But hey, lets be honest, it would be nice to receive enough $$ to close in the gap of the costs.

 

 

Post # 23
Bee
6469 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

Wow, I didn’t realise people don’t bring gifts – even if it’s not expected to. I would never attend a wedding and not bring anything with me: more so now that I’ve planned one from the other side and I KNOW the costs involved.

Post # 24
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Reading these posts makes be feel better.  We also said “your presence is the only gift we need” but for those “so inclined,” we put on our website some suggestions for “fun things we can do (dinners, massage, theatre tickets, etc.).”  But I really wasn’t expecting that half of  the 100 guests would show up with absolutely nothing, not even a greeting card.  These were employed mid-career professional people. I sent them handwritten thank you notes for sharing the day with us and largely decided to leave it for them to contact me next time. What makes it feel worse is that many of them haven’t, even thought some I’ve know for quite awhile.  I have always given a gift even when the couple says “no gifts” and would feel awful attending a wedding without a gift, so it’s hard to swallow.  Helps to read others feel the same way.        

Post # 25
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@chirod: Yes it does. I always go by the register-I would not feel comfortable giving cash.

Post # 26
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I think that if an established couple who has lived together for a significant amount of time doesn’t register.  That they really don’t need the gifts that a traditional newlywed couple does.  I would probably be apt to give a charitable gift or a smaller gift to such a couple. 

Post # 27
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was taught to guestimate the price per person of the wedding and give that plus an extra 50$.  MY fiance and I went to my friends wedding, i knew it was about 100$ a head. I gave her 200$ to cover our plates and 50$ on top! so 250$. Now i know everyone does not do this . i am just telling how we do in my family 🙂

And to be honest. I dont know too many people that would show up to a wedding without a gift or a card. I would say that 90% of the people I know give cash at weddings! Its just easier! I think a nice picture frame or crockpot is for the shower!

Post # 28
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think people just assume if you don’t register people get the “hint” you want cash, but honestly, I am to scared to make that assumption!  I can’t imagine going to a wedding and not getting a gift- if I didn’t want to give cash, I would still buy a generic enough gift (with receipt!)- never just nothing.  

That sucks OP!  Since I do want gifts that is why we went with a “wish” registry as one of ours- (www.uponourstar.com) at least people have an idea of what we are wanting the money for- our house!  crosses fingers it works out! 

Post # 29
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@chirod:  Well, I’m glad we are not the only ones who this happened to !  This is a second marriage for the two of us, but I still wanted a full wedding with all of the works because I didn’t have that the first time around.  We got married at a beautiful vineyard in Grapevine, TX.  Hey, I knew that in no way would our wedding gifts would even pay for a quarter of what this wedding cost us.  I too, did NOT register because like my Dad said,  “we didn’t need a bunch of gifts”, and cash/checks/gift cards would be better used than gifts.  So we did not register.  Well, we came back from our honeymoon and opened our gifts/cards.  Can I tell you that I thought there was theft at our wedding ???  Surely, our friends would give us “something” , right ???  How do you go to an elaborate event like that, bring a guest, and not give anything?  Gosh, I bring a gift when someone invites me to their house for dinner.  A wedding is NOT a bbq in a backyard.  For others who have commented that gifts should not be expected, especially by guests for whom you are not intimate with?  I say to that person. . .what are you talking about, girl ??  For one thing, what could be more intimate than inviting someone to your wedding, your most special day?  Now, the bridal party. . .well, if they are paying a lot of expenses and doing a lot of work for you then no, I would not expect a gift.  Now, would I want someone to not come to my wedding because they they can’t afford a gift?  Of course not !  By all means, come to the wedding, celebrate with us. .. but bring a card with a nice note in it and a lottery ticket. . .or a pretty box of chocolates that cost $10. . . .come on, really, to bring nothing?  I would be mortified.    In our situation, we had several very well off couples, come, eat, drink, bring dates and left nothing.  I think they should be ashamed of themselves and should have been brought up better.  Just my opinion.  Lee

Post # 30
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Before I joined WB, I thought that having no registry was code for “no gifts, please”.  Oops.  My bad.  

Post # 31
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@Ms. Kitty:  I hear ya. Before I joined the bee I am sure that I committed a number of wedding faux pas at the 3 weddings I went to in the last couple years. I feel guilty about it now!

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