(Closed) We disagree on where to live…

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

May be kind of creepy, but I’ve lived in the Capital region. Where exactly does Fiance want to live?

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think it’s wrong of you.  Has he factored in the additional cost of having to drive so far to work and school?  I know that for me, a 45 minute drive to work would mean filling up the tank every other day.  That’s an expense I know we couldn’t afford and we probably make more than you do.

But then on the other hand, look at the cost of the area you want to live.  Does it make up for the difference between how much the gas would be living in the other place?

I guess just running through the numbers of the two different places to see how either would work for you might be in your favor.

Post # 6
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mrs.LaFountain:  Okay and you are in Schenectaday or work in Schenectady?

I lived their 🙂 Are you guys lookin to buying a house or renting?

Post # 8
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yep, I’ve lived this…except we were already married when he made a decision that affected both of us.

Basically, Darling Husband graduated last year (in May) with a degree in Education.  He decided he didn’t want to teach (possibly ever) before we got married (in June).  Since we weren’t married yet (2 weeks before the wedding) he made this HUGE decision and he thought that I didn’t need to be a part of it.  Well, he decided that he wanted to be a manager at McDonald’s because he’s always worked in the food industry throughout high school and college.

Needless to say, I was PISSED. Mainly because I worked AN HOUR away from where he wanted to work.  He had decided that he wanted to work at this specific franchise which was based in 2 counties 50+ miles from where I had worked for over a year.  At this point, we were married a few months when he finally told me that he wasn’t going to apply to any teaching jobs. We lived with his parents for 3 months after we were married and I drove an hour to work…this usually meant that I would stay with my parents during most days of the week because it was closer to where I worked.  Eventually, I quit my job in order to start looking for jobs closer to him.  I was unemployed for 4 months and began to resent him…a lot.

We’ve worked it out since then (Thank God, I think his crisis is over…he’s about to start applying for teaching jobs), but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  He hurt my feelings so badly because it was as if my job/opinions/life plans didn’t matter as much as his and I just had to “suck it up.”  I think you guys need to work it out before the wedding!! Trust me, I know it sucks.  See if there’s any way to compromise and live in the middle?

Post # 9
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Is it possible to split the difference?

Also, as the other person said talk about cost. Put together a template that adds all the extra gas, miles of wear and tear, as well as hours in the car related to commute related to all the options.

Post # 10
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

A 45 minute commute for you is 7.5 hours a week, assuming 5 days per week.  He’s asking you to commute 4 more hours a week than he is willing to commute.  Unless he’s willing to do 4 extra hours per week of housework or whatever to even things out, he needs to be willing to work out a better location.  It’s disturbing that his way of handling this is to pout about it instead of trying to work it out, especially since it seems the burden of commuting to see each other currently falls entirely on you.

Post # 14
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

@Mrs.LaFountain:  You definitely shouldn’t feel guilty.  I didn’t read your date/location line and realize you were in the Albany area.  My fiance is from Albany and he agrees that Ravena to Rotterdam is too long a commute and there are a lot of affordable options.  I’m guessing your fiance is going to school in Albany, in which case he thinks Colonie, Westmere, or Delmar would be better choices.

Post # 16
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

@yoaglo:  You live inside malware?  That’s a novel location.

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