(Closed) we dont need gifts…how do i tell everyone that, politely?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think there is a polite way to ask for cash.

 

 

Post # 18
Member
2503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Ellegee:  I tend to agree with you. I think all people expect to come bearing some kind of gift, and a gift registry takes the guesswork away from them. Plus, it sounds great now to say “I’m just grateful they brought a gift, any gift” but it’s something else trying to figure out what to do with some of the more odd gifts. I think there was a thread that listed some of the craziest/unfortunate ones the Bees received including:

– His and Her Lubricant

– Seven crockpots (crockpots are great. Trying to find room for seven is not as great.)

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/worst-wedding-gift-received

Post # 19
Member
3441 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Are you having a small shower? I think the best way to do this is through word of mouth. Tell you mom, grandmother, etc. just what you are saying here and they can get the word out. I would never put it on an invitation though. I would also recommend creating a small registry because I’m sure there are things that you would love to have that you never bought for yourself or if you need new luggage or something along those lines.

Post # 20
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think it’s tacky. I don’t think registering is tacky. We included our registry information in the invitations because we didn’t want to be asked 800 million times were we were registered. We have the information on where we are registered on our website and I don’t think anyone has read it because they are still asking. We’re paying for our wedding and my friends know that we are super broke (like no honeymoon). They have taken it upon themselves to suggest that people get us cash to help towards a honeymoon. I was a little embarassed at first but it’s the truth. If people want to give a gift or cash it’s up to them. I don’t have that expectation. I just want to be married and have a fun day.

Post # 21
Bee
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride\'s residence

People are going to be opinionated about it one way or another, honestly. We don’t want gifts at all, really, but we made a tiny registry just in case. On our wedding website I explained we don’t want/need stuff, but I imagine we’ll get stuff anyway.

Post # 22
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Even if you spread the word that you’re saving for “xxx” and/or register for the honeymoon fund, some people will still give you a “real gift.”  There are some of us who don’t like to give cash, regardless of our financial well being.  There are also some people who will want to give the happy couple “something that they’ll remember and cherish.” 

I’m quite certain that my grandmother has never given any family member a cash wedding gift.  It has little to do with her opinions of etiquette – she gives cash at Christmas! – but she’s as sentimental as the day is long.  She would much rather give a loved one a handmade quilt or china or crystal, because those are things that last; and “a lasting marriage deserves lasting gifts.”  Be prepared for that type of guest (and gift).  It’s really kind of sweet, if you think of it the way my grandmother does.

Post # 23
Member
2503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@UmbrellaMoon:  That’s interesting you said your grandma likes to give the “gifts that lasts”! Fiance and I tend to think that way as well. We try our best to stick to a registry, but at the same time, we will pick items on there that have lasting power, such as picture frames, servingware, or vases.

Post # 24
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@UmbrellaMoon:  I wish I had a grandma that quilted! Or knitted! I went to a babyshower a few weeks ago where the mama-to-be got the CUTEST crocheted and knitted clothes. I need to make friends with some crafty people…

Post # 25
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

The best way is definitely through word of mouth. Tell your parents and your wedding party to spread the word to anyone who asks that you don’t need ‘things’ and are really hoping for money. But if anyone asks you directly you have to make the person feel like anything they want to give you would be appreciated.

The last few weddings I went to the bride and groom didn’t even set up a registry and just got cash as far as I know. I don’t think any of them had a shower though, since you can’t really ‘shower’ a bride with cash.

Post # 26
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lilbluebird:  I also prefer to give “lasting” gifts.  Most of my family does, I guess it’s just the way we were brought up to think.  I appreciate it – to me, it sybolizes that the giver expects the marriage to last at least as long as the gift ought to.

View original reply
@Tangled:  My Nana is a gifted knitter too.  She finally gave up making sweaters after her 4th cataract surgery… so she switched to quilting, because she can thread a needle without having to see it, and the rest is so much easier for her to see than the knitting (especially the knitting patterns).  I tell you, that woman is amazing!

Post # 28
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee

Please no cheesy poem.  It makes is 100% worse.  Like you think that you are tricking guests.

I’d rather get something with “Gimme your moolah” written on it, then a sickening poem.

(Well really, I prefer nothing about gifts, but if it had to be something).

Post # 29
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We are asking for no gifts via our wedding web site — “… the honor of your presence is gift enough.” We never thought of asking for money towards our honeymoon, too tacky for our tastes.

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