(Closed) We don't want a wedding anymore

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Shonzilla:  I say do what you and your Fiance want to do and don’t worry about the family making you feel bad. You’re never gonna please everyone, so why not please the only two people who matter in this situation, which is you and your hubby to be!

My uncle and aunt eloped.. was the family disappointed? Yes. Were there comments? Some. But they did what made them happy and everyone got over it and were happy for them. You could also throw a party or get together of some sort to serve as a reception when you guys get back and include the family, that way they feel included.

Post # 34
Member
2625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Shonzilla: Go to a tropical island and elope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get an expensive photog and take amazing pics! 

Post # 35
Hostess
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

@Kimberley25:  +1 – This is exactly what we are doing.

We’re having 20 total people at our wedding, all the people we love and care about the most. A lot of my friends were upset that they didn’t get to celebrate at our wedding, but we had bachelor/bachelorette parties to celebrate with them and then we are all meeting up at the bars after we do our ceremony and luncheon with family.

I get to have my dream venue and the important people that will stick around in my life and that I see more than just on the holidays will be there – that’s all that matters to me! Oh, and of course marrying my love! 

Post # 36
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

The wedding industry doesn’t want you to know this: You can have a lovely wedding for 85 people for 5k.  It’s true.  They want you to believe you need bespoke letterpress invitations, a videographer, a photographer for 8 hours and a second shooter, tall centerpieces with submerged orchids and tealights, a DJ, personalized favours, a 4 tier cake with fresh flowers, 7 bridesmaids and groomsmen, 12 oz. filet mignons, an open bar, and chiavari chairs- because heaven forbid you have regular chairs!

If you and your Fiance want to elope, you should.  But if you want to avoid spending 15k on one day, then don’t.  The people who truly love you won’t judge you because you used fake flowers, or bought your cake from Publix/Sam’s Club, or chose a community center over a banquet hall.  The people who truly love you will just be happy they got to celebrate with you.        

Post # 37
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Shonzilla:  I’m not even planning and I have anxiety over the wedding. I can justify spending a lot on a down payment for something practical, like a house or a car. . . but for a wedding? Not so much.

I want to elope. Like, I really want to. I don’t want to deal with planning a wedding, even though Fiance has promised that he will absolutely help out with stuff. I just don’t want to plan. . . but he wants a wedding with people we are close to there – which means we have at least 70 people on our mock guest list at the moment, if not more. Sounds like a small amount, but not when you get anxiety over social situations and being the center of attention.

I say that you tell your parents at the very least. Most parents wouldn’t be thrilled because they want to be there to see their kid get married – but I think there would be a lot more hurt feelings if you didn’t tell them and just showed up one day to announce you were already married.

You might want to consider telling other close friends and family members as well to avoid hurt feelings. Everyone else can find out through word of mouth – or you could come up with a cute little card announcing your marriage to send out to everyone.

 

@aussiemum1248:  I agree. If possible, I think at least letting the parents know ahead of time that they’re eloping is a good idea. Maybe they could even have someone video tape the ceremony so they can share it with their parents afterwards. It isn’t the same as being there as it happens, but it is the next best thing.

Post # 38
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@FutureDrAtkins:  Sounds wonderful!  We did the same thing with the bars, after everything was over.  I wore my wedding gown all night, lol.  Is March your actual date?  So close!

Post # 39
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

@Shonzilla:  I don’t have an advice, I’m into the exact same situation. It might sound stupid, but since I have purchased the dress, I feel trapped. I would have chosen another dress (shorter, etc.) if I wanted to elope. It wasn’t even an expensive dress, but I feel it’s money thrown out of the window if I change my plans. Then, there’s also the guilt of not having my parents with us, my sister, my best friend (they both couldn’t afford a DW). But the thought of saying my vows in front of all those people (60) is causing me panic and anxiety. I hate to be the center of attention.

Sending you a big, sincere virtual hug because I know too well how you’re feeling right now.

 

Post # 40
Hostess
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

@Kimberley25:  Yep this Sunday is the day!!!! I plan on wearing my dress all day too!

Post # 41
Hostess
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Shonzilla:   I lived in Perth, and it’s not cheap to live there, and I imagine having a wedding would be pricey….you know a extravegant honeymoon and elopment sounds good….or you could just do a very casual wedding, like a tea time wedding (standing reception if you will, just punch, cake and such)

 

but if you still want to have a pretty ceremony, then elope. 

 

Oh here is a something I felt going through my own wedding and honeymoon….

We spent approx $16000+ CND for our wedding, and I don’t neccissarily regret it…the family and friends there were great, nice that people could celebrate us….but when we went for our honeymoon (Disney and Mexico)…and I started noticing all the things that would be even better on our honeymoon, I started to think back on my wedding and thinking what I should have not spent money on so my honeymoon could have been more extravegant. 

In short form, I wish I spent less on my wedding (less people mainly since I didn’t spend much on anyother thing, the only thing I wouldn’t cut back is on my dress.,,,because it was awesome!) and spent more on my honeymoon, upgrade to the best suite for the whole time, private dinners, massages, special activities off the resort…or at Disney we could have spent more on buying stuff in the shops…

So that is my $0.02 (2 cents if you will) on wedding vs honeymoon vs elopment…….spend less on the wedding if you have too…but don’s cheap out on the honeymoon (or the dress..lol)

Post # 42
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I started to feel the same way in the middle of my wedding planning.  I kind of think that if I could do it again I just would have elope and had a party when we got back… Every time I think about the amount of money we are spending for one day makes me sick. But I probably think this way because we are trying to buy a house as well.

Post # 43
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I have had VERY similar feelings.  And honestly, if I didn’t have anything locked in right now (photographer, caterer, dj) Fiance and I would probably go have a tiny ceremony in Vegas.  Ultimately, my best advice would be to make a logical decision about what would make you both happier, bounce the idea off of someone who’s input you trust, and run with it.  Those who love you will be happy for you regardless 🙂

Post # 44
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think most bride went through this during the wedding planning.  Me and Fiance thought of just have elope in vegas, then part of it I want my immediately family to stand by me… and I feel bad not paying for their accomodation.. however, IF I do inviting them, Fiance familiy cannot be ignore …….and he has a HUGE family (he is the youngest and total 8 child in the family…..all married with kids)… then my mom told me go ahead to elope without them but she expected I host reception/dinner for relatives both in Canada and in Asia

 

At the end of the day, it may ended up spending lots of money, so might as well have a local wedding…. I have been cool down a lot now and be more realistic but no matter how I try to lower my expectation… look like our wedding going to cost me around 30-35K ai… 

Post # 46
Member
9012 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Shonzilla:  Girl jump a plane to Bali/Malaysia/Thailand/Vietnam and elope.

My boss at work always says “It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission”.

Both of your families love you. Sure they will be a little hurt to begin with but a wedding isn’t worth the stress it is causing you or the money. So as long as your Fiance is onboard I say go for it.

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