Post # 1
Future Sister-In-Law had what Future Mother-In-Law likes to call a “breakdown” last weekend. In the process of her “breakdown”, she severely disrespected Fiance and I to the point that we both have come to the conclusion that she is cut out of our life entirely (numerous previous incidents were also factors in this choice). FSIL has proven that she does not care about her brother, and definitely does not love him. Of course, cutting her out of our life also means uninviting her to the wedding. Fiance and I both decided Saturday night that his sister was by no means to be at or anywhere near our wedding.
Today, Future Mother-In-Law and I were out shopping and she said, “I don’t even want to begin to think about taking (FSIL) shopping for a dress for the wedding. She throws a tantrum everytime I take her dress shopping.”
I didn’t know what to say. I don’t want to be the one to tell her that we’ve decided that Future Sister-In-Law is no longer invited to our wedding, because I don’t want to mess things up with the Future In-Laws. But, I want it to be crystal clear that this girl’s (I don’t even like calling her Future Sister-In-Law, because that insinuates that she is in some way my “sister”) presence will ruin the biggest day of our life and we do not want her there. So, I simply said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to see or deal with her on my wedding day, period.” Future Mother-In-Law was like, “Oh, I know. Don’t worry, I will kill her if she even thinks about acting up.”
Obviously, I didn’t quite make my point. Future Mother-In-Law thinks things are just going to be hunky dory and that we’ll all just grin and bear it. But, that’s simply no longer possible. Future Sister-In-Law disrespected me in a way that nobody else ever has in my entire life. She is entirely incapable of being happy for anyone, so I know she’ll purposefully attempt to ruin our wedding. I don’t want her bringing negative energy into the happiest day of my life. Neither does Fiance.
So, should I just let FI handle this alone? Tonight I spoke to him about it and he told me that he planned to tell his parents himself. But, I’m afraid he won’t properly convey the message on his own. Maybe if we both approach them together, they’ll know we’re serious? I don’t know, I just wish I didn’t have to deal with this on top of everything else!
Post # 3
Eeeeek – thats hard. I’d definitely say let Fiance handle it by himself. Even though you’re about to be family, this is still really “his” family stuff to deal with. If you get involved, you could end up getting other family members angry at you and your poor Fiance would be in the unfortunate position of defending you AND dealing with this stuff.
Post # 4
Please stay out of it and let him handle it. No matter how close you are to his family, I think if you say something to them they will take it as your are forcing him into saying things that he doesn’t want to say. Even if he talks to them, they might still feel that way but I just think he should be the one to handle his family.
I really hope they understand.
Post # 5
If I were you I’d let him handle it. You’re most likely going to get blamed anyway if they take it the wrong way, but he really needs to be the one to talk to his family. He should do it sooner rather than later though!
Also know that even though your future mother-in-law knows her daughter is difficult, blood can run pretty thick so she may take offense that she’s not invited to the wedding. Does your mother in law know about the rift that happened between your sister in law and you two?
Post # 6
@mandypop: Yeah, I guess you’re right about letting him bring this up by himself. I’m hoping that it goes well, though. Everyone in the family shares our opinion of Future Sister-In-Law, so it’s not like Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law are going to be blindsided by this. But, she is their daughter and they love her unconditionally. So, they’re all about giving her second chances… or thousandth chances. Fiance and I are not, though. I’m really hoping that she just ends up saying she doesn’t want to come to our wedding. That way, it will be her choice and we don’t have to look bad, or anything.
Post # 7
@BonbonBunny: Yes, Future Mother-In-Law is aware of the things that Future Sister-In-Law said and did to Fiance and I. FMIL and Future Sister-In-Law don’t have a typical mother-daughter relationship. Future Sister-In-Law puts so much stress on Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law that they don’t even want her around them. They won’t throw her out on the street, but they hope and pray that she’ll move out of their house so that they won’t have to put up with her anymore. Everyone feels as though they have to walk on eggshells around Future Sister-In-Law because she explodes at the slightest thing. Even the dogs run and hide in fear when she enters the house. But, it’s like I said, she’s their daughter. They want to believe that she could attend her brother’s wedding and be civil and enjoy time with the family. I know that isn’t possible, because I don’t look at her with the blind eyes of love.
Post # 8
Yeah I agree with the PP, let you FH take the lead. They will put the blame on you, so just stay out of the line of fire as much as you can. I know its frustrating to not be able to be as vocal as you’d like. Why does family have to be so difficult? Urghl
Post # 9
can we just set your Future Sister-In-Law up with my brother and let them go off and bother each other?? if you figure out a good way of dealing with it, let me know.. I’ve been trying to get it through my mothers head that my brother isn’t invited to my wedding and its not sinking in.