(Closed) we don't want gifts…..but…

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
9026 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

MouthOfTheSouth:  There are fees of between 2-4% per transaction plus a transaction fee with using that website. Why would an intelligent human being pay someone else to collect money for them?

Why not just say on the website that you are not registered but are saving towards a down payment. It is the exact same thing yet the smarter option.

Post # 18
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

jesso4545:  I did exactly this because we were in the same situation as you! i asked my mums opinion and aunts before I did it, they had no issues with it. We were quite forward and said that “gifts are not required or expected however if you would to give us a gift we would be grateful for a contribution to a deposit on our first home”. 

I think it is only rude when you try to disguise what you want. But to be completely honest, I would prefer no gifts at all, we simply don’t need them. But unfortunately people like to give gifts and i just don’t have space for more unopened sheet sets and towels. 

Post # 19
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Word of the mouth is the only safest way you can do this. That is what we are doing but if we do get gifts than that is fantastic. 

Post # 20
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

j_jaye:  It was just a suggestion.  Paypal charges a fee as well and millions of people use it everyday to collect money for them.

Post # 21
Member
9026 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

MouthOfTheSouth:  you been when they buy or sell an actual physical item or service? There is a big difference there.

Post # 22
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

cat89:  This is so awful. You’d get nothing from me. I’d expect a lot of people to think differently about you once they receive that invitation – I know I’d think a lot less of you.

Post # 23
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

oneofthesethings:  That’s nice. If you read the rest of my comment you will see that we don’t actually want gifts. We just also don’t want our parents being harrassed as to what to buy us. Or sheets.

I ran it past all the major family members first to check with them, they all thought it was a brilliant idea. Must be a culture thing, it’s common in NZ.

Post # 24
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

If I got some ‘cute’ poem or photo asking for money only I’d show up with a toaster. But I’m a bitch that way, so….

Post # 25
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

Where I live in Australia the common thing is to have a wishing well, you then include a wishing well poem in the invitation. 

Post # 26
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would include a cute line at the bottom of your invites. Something such as, “The couple would prefer not to recieve gifts, but if you still wish to give, cash is appreciated in lieu of gifts.” Or something like that. (That was poorly written.) Gifts are a double standard, everyone says that guests have to give them but the couples aren’t allowed to say what they want. I think that is assonine. If you know your guests, then as long as you don’t say, “YOU MUST GIVE ME MONEY TO COME TO MY WEDDING!” I think it will be fine.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  .
Post # 27
Member
438 posts
Helper bee

I don’t like the idea of asking for money… I would just put nothing,   you will probably get a mixture of gifts and money. 

Post # 28
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I really don’t understand this aversion to cash. I’m from the UK where most people include some kind of poem saying they would prefer cash to gifts and it’s completely acceptable. 

Most couples getting married these days already have everything they need for the house, or worse two of everything because they each had their own home. Why is it better to by actual gift that is not really needed or wanted than to give cash? Cash that could be used for something the couple would really appreciate such as a deposit on a house or an amazing honeymoon.

To me the whole point of setting registry is the couple asking for gifts. How is this any better?

Post # 29
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

molokoa:  this!!! This is such a good point. We won’t be asking for gifts of any particular type on our invites and if people want to give us a gift they can give us whatever they feel comfy with. I am in Australia and I think we are pretty laid back with wedding gifts and requesting certain things – we’ve been to many weddings that have requested cash and we weren’t offended, we’ve been to weddings and used gift registry and we’ve been to weddings where the couple have asked us to contribute to honeymoon fund. This last option is often considered rude (I am definitely not a fan of it!) but each to their own. We did contribute to the couples honeymoon fund because that was what they preferred, but I wouldn’t ask this of our guests. 

Post # 30
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

cat89:  Your wording wouldn’t offend me at all. We also specified no gifts or money (older, already established couple). Unless we received an actual request for nothing I can’t imagine accepting a wedding invitation but withholding money simply because it was asked for in preference to anything else. What silliness. 

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