We Eloped! & now what?

posted 10 months ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

We’re eloping in a little over a week. When we get back we plan to take my mom and dad and his mon out to a nice dinner. That’ll be the extent of any group celebrations. 

Post # 3
Member
4563 posts
Honey bee

You don’t have to cater to them.  If they want a big wedding, they can get married and throw themselves one.  You are under no obligation to throw them the kind of party they want and no one is owed a party (hence, can’t be “robbed”) and honestly in a few months they will be moving on to whatever the is next big thing happening.

Since it sounds like part of your reason for eloping was to get out of planning an elaborate reception – don’t.  Most people I know who have eloped have a simple backyard BBQ or dinner in a restaurant (if anything at all – 3 of the 5 couples I know known who have eloped didn’t do anything at all – their elopement was enough for them and they didn’t feel the need to throw others a consolation party).  Go with whatever you original plan was.  If that was just having a nice dinner party with each of your families, then have that.  If it was nothing, then do that.  They’ll live.

Post # 5
Member
8857 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

janne91 :  “he feels a bit like people are robbed” — Nobody was robbed of anything. Even if they were, how would a fake ceremony fix it? Just have whatever dinner/party/celebration you want. You don’t owe anyone anything, except to be a good host to whoever you you do invite.

Post # 6
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

janne91 :  Unless you have very specific opinions of how you want it to be or not doing something they want you to do (like cake cutting), I would just go along with whatever they plan. If I don’t have to plan for it Or pay for it, I would have no problem whatsoever doing it. 

Post # 7
Member
4563 posts
Honey bee

If she wants to 100% plan and pay for a party for you and you want a party, then have at it.

I personally wouldn’t most likely, or I wouldn’t take part in planning and paying for a wedding-like party if I already planned and had a wedding (elopement).  And I wouldn’t want a reinactment.  That ship sailed.  Celebrate the marriage; don’t put on a play fake wedding.

Post # 8
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

We eloped and then had a “reception” (pretty low key) at our favourite brewpub. We got the private room for 50 close friends and family, and we picked up the tab for everyone’s dinner and drinks. Came to only $1800, pretty good deal! We were allowed to bring in our own cake and decorations. 

No fake ceremony, no speeches, etc. It was super fun!

Post # 9
Member
9042 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Take everybody else out of the equation. Do you and your husband want a party to celebrate your elopement? If yes then throw one (or let MIL) and if no then pass on it. 

Post # 10
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

janne91 :  I’ll never understand why people (be it the couple or their family) want or expect any form of celebration after eloping. Eloping means your intent was avoiding a big celebration. You can and should still tell your family “no” to a big celebration. Go out to dinner with immediate family after arriving. But inviting every cousin, aunt, and distant friend to a reception just is silly.

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