(Closed) We Eloped – still having a wedding, do we tell everyone before hand?

posted 4 years ago in Elopement
Post # 61
Member
8449 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

btob17 :  What a strange thing to suggest, that anyone who dislikes being decieved is ‘immature’. I wonder if you know what the words means.

I also wonder upon  what data you base your claim that it’s ‘completely normal’ in the UK to be secretly married and then have a public ceremony and call it a ‘wedding’.  I don’t live there now but never in all the years I did so, did anyone I ever knew do such a thing. 

Post # 62
Member
8449 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

btob17 :  What a strange thing to suggest, that anyone who dislikes being decieved is ‘immature’. I wonder if you know what the words means. I also wonder upon  what data you base your claim that it’s ‘completely normal’ in the UK to be secretly married and then have a public ceremony and call it a ‘wedding’.  I don’t live there now but never in all the years I did so, did anyone I ever knew do such a thing. 

Post # 63
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

elderbee :  it called ‘humanist ceremony‘ and its VERY popular due to strict laws undecided

its also not ‘decieving’ at all there is never any promise you see the legal signing and in many places (even legal weddings) its done seperate from guests, the signing of a paper is the legallity the wedding is the show part where you vow… I mean would you not visit a baby if the birth certificate wasnt filled out infront of you? same level of rediculousness

 

also why bump a zombie thread just to call me out on my knowledge of my OWN country???

Post # 64
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

btob17 :  I live in Austria and I know the same also applies in France – you cannot get legally married in anything other than a civil union. Where I live it is quite expensive to have such civil union on Saturday in the magistrat (10x the normal fee), and if you want it outside of the magistrat building on a Saturday, then you are looking at around 100x the normal fee (the normal fee is €6). Most people have the legal wedding a week, maybe longer prior to the wedding. In my city, the times available are not so flexible, and you can’t be too choosy about your date – you book it when there is a space.

Post # 65
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

thirdwoman :  yep similar here… you can have a civil registry wedding, a wedding in a licensed venue or a CofE wedding as your 3 legal options

civil registry are pretty common but like you say, saturdays or with guests etc… really push the price up to £600-ish

licensed venues are very expensive and you have to pay the civil fees + extra aswell so it can be well over £1000

CofE has rules being that its religous and costs a minimum of £480 (without extras like heating)

but to do humanist you can do the very basic civil package (£45 at 9am on a wednsday with no guests, vows, rings… JUST the paperwork filled out in an office) and then have a big humanist ceremonies which can be free (or you can hire a pro humanist ‘officiant’ quite cheap) and better yet you can do it anywhere, since its not legally binding their are NO rules or laws on it which is great for people who want beach weddings, people who want weddings at home or on their own land, people who have found cheaper non-licensed venues etc…

Post # 66
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

It would never bother me if I went to a wedding and found out the bride and groom were already married!  And if I found out before it would not affect my decision to travel or go to the wedding.  I still think you are a bride and I still think it’s a wedding (even if technically you are married).  Congrats. 

Post # 67
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Do you need to do the ceremony again? Can you just do a reception? I know of someone who got married in a small ceremony a few weeks before their reception, and they were very open about it and invited their friends/family to come out.  

Post # 68
Member
6448 posts
Bee Keeper

We had a courthoused wedding and a reception three months later and it was very public that we were already married.

Post # 69
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

Im in the US and if I were to ever marry, I’m steadfast in wanting to elope and then having a very casual celebration with loved ones later. But I would be very clear that we were already married and there would be no 2nd ceremony or gift registries or any of that. I don’t care whose feelings are hurt. You eloped for a reason and did it the way YOU wanted. It feels very deceptive to “pretend” to be getting married and I’m not really sure of the point since it is just for show. People who truly love and accept you and your relationship will be more than thrilled to come celebrate your nuptials with you, even if they are disappointed they couldn’t be there for the ceremony. 

Post # 70
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I had a friend who had been planning her wedding for two years and then decided 3 months before she decided that she couldn’t wait anymore and was going to elope. The problem was that she really wanted a big wedding, and had already paid her deposits, planned the whole thing, sent out Save-The-Date Cards, etc. So she decided she would elope but still go trough with the wedding she had planned. That’s fine, but  then she put photos of the elopment up on Facebook. It was a full wedding (white dress, bridesmaids, minister, flowers, reception, the whole shebang) only with about 30 guests instead of the 200 she had invited to the originally planned wedding. It wasn’t just family there either and she had actually invited quite a few friends to the elopment.

When I got my invitation to her second wedding I was pretty put off. I was living about 8 hours away and would have had to take a day off work/classes, pay for a hotel, and drive 16 hours round trip. I didn’t feel like that was reasonable when she was just reenacting an event that had already happened, and hadn’t wanted me at her actual wedding. It wasn’t just a reception either, she did the whole ceremony again with the same minister and bridesmaids, a registry etc. I’m not always against the elopment/big wedding later thing, but this just seemed in poor taste to me. 

Post # 72
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

roletta :  no what isnt?

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