- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I’m feeling really conflicted and just need advice. Before we got engaged we talked about just eloping, we loved the thought of just us and then having a huge party a month or so after. Fast forward to Feb 2013, we get engaged, Mother-In-Law wants to know what the plan is. So we explain that we want to elope and have a huge party. Well Mother-In-Law shot that down, explained how ‘hurt’ everyone would be and how we need to come ‘home’ to be married (we live 3000 miles away). I was convinced people would be upset with us so we set a date and started wedding planning.
June 2013 we return ‘home’ to visit for 2 weeks and wrap up our wedding planning (in 4 months we were able to plan about 98% of the wedding, put deposits on everything. Only thing hanging were my DIY projects and those were on the back burner till closer to the wedding) and decided that while we were home we were going to get married at city hall. We wanted something for us that was quiet and special. MIL&FIL were there and were thrilled and happy for us. Up until this point wedding was still on and everything was fine. We return after out visit and start figuring out finances for our trip back in Dec and start discussing the bridal shower. I send an email out to my sister and Mother-In-Law as to when the proper time frame is for a bridal shower. Here is a direct quote from the response from my Mother-In-Law.
“I ASSUMED your sister and I would plan your shower next summer. Is there something wrong with next summer?”
I never said anything was wrong with summer, in fact all I asked was what the proper time from was to have a bridal shower. I responded with that maybe this Dec when we come back would be better because I’m not sure if we are going to be able to swing a trip back out in June/July before the wedding as that’s just additional costs to add to our budget. I was met with a short “Oh Ok” from both Mother-In-Law and my sister. That night it hit me like a damn brick wall.
I DON’T WANT THIS WEDDING!
I realized that we were doing this for the FAMILY, not for us. I hate being the center of attention and I can’t imagine spending the amount of money we are on this wedding for just ONEDAY! Darling Husband agrees but says we can do whatever will make me happy. I just keep thinking that the money we are spending we could use to travel, to start our family, to pay his student loan, ANYTHING.
I’m torn bees! I feel like if we don’t have this wedding years down the road I might look back on it and wish we had the pictures, wish I had walked down the aisle, wish we had our first dance to our song. I feel like even though a tiny part of me wants it the larger doesn’t. Darling Husband suggested that we elope again this fall, go to a beach, renew vows and have pictures that way I still get it wall without the big hoopla. BEE’S HELP! Have any of you gone through this? What happened? Experience? Advice? I’m open ears..