Post # 32
it’s just a ring. honestly. and this is just the first of a LOT of major expenses to come if you’re doing the whole wedding thing too. i would keep that in mind.
and until you see mom’s diamond, don’t rule it out. it’s very possible it oculd be used with some other stones to make a really awesome ring. maybe it’s fabulous as is. you need to see it. and remember that it’s just a ring.
Post # 33
Also, halo settings are good if you want to make the ring look bigger than it really is. My friend has a 3/4 ct round stone (not that that is small, I’m just using this as a comparison) in a halo setting that really makes the ring look bigger b/c the setting covers a larger % of her finger.
Post # 34
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
@ILikePink: Pretty harsh comments, I think most of us want to be happy with our engagement rings and that doesn’t make us materialistic, obviously the marriage is important but for a lot of us, the ring is important too…Not necessary to get all judgy and self-righteous on us, it’s really not helpful at all…
And Petunia123, I think you should look at the diamond, see if you can get it set into something you’re happy with (a pear halo is soooo pretty, I think!) but if not, I say you’re perfectly within your right to politely refuse his mom’s ring…
The only thing to consider is if you don’t take the stone, this may postpone the engagement as it means your Boyfriend or Best Friend will have to save up some money to buy one…So that’s something to think about, do you mind waiting longer for a nicer ring?
Post # 35
@TrailMix I was by no means saying that all of you are materialistic for caring about what your ring looks like. But I am saying that it’s pretty materialistic to directly correlated your FI’s love for you with your ring.
I also didn’t bring in that vocabulary. All my original comment said is that the marriage should matter more than the ring. I love rings, I wanted mine to be beautiful too, but I don’t think love can be measured by ring size.
I don’t think I was being judgy or self-righteous at all, except towards the person who replied directly to my comment, telling me to call her materialistic.
Post # 36
Someone I know has the most gorgeous setting in the world, and put in a 1.25ct CZ until her Fiance is able to purchase an actual diamond. The stinkin ring is STUNNING and no one has the slightest clue it is not a diamond. It is crazy how many compliments she gets on her center stone. I think thats a very good option if you would like something bigger, can’t afford it right now, and don’t want to wait for a ring
Post # 37
I think you should have an honest talk with him. Explain to him that you don’t need a HUGE rock – but you don’t want a tiny speck either. Tell him you trust his ability to both plan for and make the decision as to what kind of ring he’d get you… and leave it at that.
I think there is something very important about a man finding the ring he wants to give his woman. I don’t know what it is – but it’s a thing of pride and independence. If you want to give him more pointers – perhaps you guys could go ring shopping together so you could point out things you clearly like or clearly don’t like.
As for the mom’s ring – I’d blame the pear shape, personally – and use that as the out. Figure out what shape stone you want and go from there.
Also – there are ways to get around the crazy prices for rings – independent jewelry shops and/or jewelry marts will have better deals than chain retail stores.
Post # 38
Small accent stones are very inexpensive. You could put more stones around the one from his mom’s ring.
Bring the ring to a private jeweler, NOT a store in the mall. I cannot tell you how much money we saved going to someone that does not have the overhead stores have!
Post # 39
If you really dislike the Diamond, can’t you trade it in/sell it and take a few extra dollars and get what you want? (If it is alright with Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance of course)
Either way, try to be happy you are getting ENGAGED instead of wasting that energy on being disappointed by the diamond/ring. It is a real shame for you to miss out on this once in a lifetime, time in your life. You are making memories! I am sure in 10 years, you will look back and ask yourself why you spoiled this exciting time for yourself!
Post # 40
I second the bee who said if you have any old jewelry that you can part with, do it! Gold is incredibly high right now. I dug through and found stuff I never wear and got $700! I was so shocked!
Post # 41
Thanks so much for all of the great advice. I definatley am excited at the idea of finally being engaged to the Boy no matter what the ring happens to look like. We’ve been together for a while and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier. I know that the most important thing is the marraige, not the ring.
I’m guessing that selling the mom ring and using money for another ring is not an option. I have not seen the ring and I’m guessing that the Boy’s description might not be totally accuratet….my Boy usually just describes jewlery as shiney 🙂 At most if we decide not to use if for a ring, I would consider getting it re-set as maybe a necklace or sometihng like that if she would like me to have it. After all, the ring was offered to Boy’s brother’s wife first – so I’m not sure how she would feel about it.
If we do go with the mom ring diamond for my ring, I have looked at the halo settings and actually am starting to warm up to that look. It would definately be a unique ring, as its not something everyone has. So that would be a plus.
I’m planning to just be honest with him. Explain how I appreciate and am greatful of the offer of the mom’s diamond. I also think that I at least want to tell him my other ideas: if he feels comfortable with us financing a new ring (definately nothing too pricey – sinece we are not trying to go crazy with this) and paying it off together we could do that; if his mom’s diamond is the only choice, then see if he would be ok with me showing him settings that I like. I believe he would be receptive to the idea that I would like the ring he proposes to me with be the ring that I wear forever. So if he agrees with that and would rather not finance and thinks we should wait to save up some money for it, then I’m fine with that. I am confident that we are going to be together, so I’m not stuck on the idea of needing to get engaged right away. I know that he wants me to be his Mrs, so im my mind, we are already very very committed to each other.
Post # 42
Honestly, it is just an engagement ring, which should be worn during *engagement.* The ring you’re going to wear forever is the wedding ring. I know some ladies do wear both rings, but it’s never made sense to me. I think it’s one of those invented “traditions” like Sweetest Day. Most women I know do not wear their engagement ring more than a year after they say I Do, especially once they have kids! Because that’s when you really start banging up the stone etc!
Post # 43
@Magdalena: really? I don’t know anyone that doesn’t wear their engagement ring and band all the time unless they are doing something like cleaning. I know lots of married women, young and old, with kids young, old, or none and all of them wear both rings. I’d think it’d be kind of wasteful to have an e ring you only wear for a year. A piece of jewelry like that should be worn forever.
Post # 44
OP, I don’t think you sound selfish or materialistic at all. I don’t wear jewelry on an everyday basis, so when picking out my ring I made damn sure it was something I was going to WANT to put on every day. He spent more than I wanted him to, but that was his decision against my wishes. I even tried to get him to get a G color instead of F to save $500, and he looked at it and said “It looks like someone peed in it. We’re getting the F!” (For the record, it did not look anything like someone peed in it. Not that I have every seen a peed-in diamond before.)
So anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah – you’re clearly not saying that you want him to screw up his financial future so you can have a ginormous rock; you just want one that appeals to you. If it turns out that you like the pear shaped one, problem solved. If not, there isn’t anything wrong with looking for a different one. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive, it should just be one that you like.
If you do want one that looks a little bigger, I totally agree with everyone that a halo is the way to go. I love mine. Plus, extra sparkles 🙂
Post # 45
I think alot more people than you realize end up helping to pay for their ring. My husband financed my ring. When we got married it just became part of our expenses. We paid it off in less than a year and I was able to get the ring of my dreams. I find it appalling that anyone would imply that you made any sort of connection between the size of your ring and the amount your bf loves you. I completely understand wanting a ring you can be proud of and that makes you melt everytime you look at it. I have no idea what your budget is going to be but there are TONS of beautiful rings that are reasonably priced if you are willing to compramise on some things (like clarity and color). If you got a setting you loved with a lower quality diamond or moissanite you could replace the center stone for a better diamond later. That way you still have the original ring with all of the sentimentality.
And I think it’s fair that no one else needs to comment about how the marriage is what’s important. That is something that everyone understands and just comes across as pretentious and judgemental.
Good luck in your search! Hope you find something wonderful!
Post # 46
@mcnetn3: Maybe it’s cultural difference? I did mention to some friends of mine in passing that I did not plan to wear mine at all after the wedding and they looked at me like I said I was going to boil my husband and eat him! I do know some women who have grown children who have put theirs back on, but for instance, one of my best friends has been married two years and she put hers in the bank soon after her baby came, because it only took once to scratch him with it and she was sooooo over wearing it. Maybe some rings are flatter than others and that’s less of a concern??
My mother never had an engagement ring, and my grandmother never wore hers although it was quite lovely. She was the one who told me back in college that it is supposedly “not correct” to wear the engagement ring after twelve months of marriage. Why twelve months, I don’t know. I have never seen that “rule” in Emily Post or anything. When we would go to the grocery store Grandma would spend half the time whispering in my ear about the women we saw wearing both. Ehhh, she was a mean old lady (RIP).
It certainly would be wasteful to put a ring worth 2K away in a drawer, but honestly I think that should be taken into account when purchasing a ring. I really don’t want Fiance to spend a lot of money on an engagement ring – E-rings symbolize a temporary, breakable commitment and a very brief period in a relationship. There’s nothing permanent or all that special about engagement (we see engagements end and weddings called off all the time here on the Bee after all). Better to spend the money on the wedding ring, which symbolizes a real LIFETIME commitment 🙂
Crazy grandma aside, I do agree with her on logical principles that I would feel silly wearing mine after the wedding. It’s an engagement ring and after the wedding, there’s no more engagement, no more fiance. The e-ring says “I will” and the wedding ring says “I do” so it feels like overkill to wear them together.