(Closed) We fought about getting married and I think I won. (Warning: long)

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@NoOneYouExpect:  I LOVE the job interview analogy!!!!

Post # 4
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Question- Would you two ever consider a “for now” ring that can be upgraded at some point in the future? If that really is the only thing standing between you and being married, it may be something to consider.

Post # 5
Member
585 posts
Busy bee

I know it’s hard…. but obviously he wants to be with you for the rest of your lives. It is going that way. I think you will be disappointed if you just get up and go to the courthouse next week, no ring. It sounds like you want something nice and with a ring and the whole sheband. And it sounds like he wants to give it to you. Just try to relax and enjoy the ride because he is working towards making it all happen for you, but it’s going to take time. You’re already committed to being together, that is huge. Enjoy that! The ring and all that will come later!

Post # 6
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

I second the “for now” ring idea.  You can get a beautiful gemstone ring for around a hundred dollars now that the holiday shopping season has started.

Post # 9
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

Good for you! My waiting situation has hit critical mass, too.

i like the analogy, too!

from my own situation, but also spurred on by reading these boards, I am REALLY tired of the idea of The guy waiting forever, then saying he’s being pushed, pressured… That he wants it to be perfect… that he wants it to be a surprise, etc. I feel like, in my case, he had three and a half years to make it a surprise and the ship has sailed. If the romance is gone, he can blame himself.

i see the want to make it right, and do it the right way… But these could also be an excuse for stalling, and until we have a ring and are planning wedding, we don’t know which it is!

if there was a crystal ball and I knew the proposal was coming, I could wait a lot longer. But, it is hard living thinking, I might be engaged and planning a wedding in two months…. Or I might be devastated, moving, and starting my entire life over. The limbo is about to make me crack. At some point the buck needs to stop.

 

Post # 10
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

@NoOneYouExpect:  you just perfectly described my waiting experience. It’s not easy, and it is exactly as you described it. The dream job. My hats off to you for finding the words. From what he said, I’m going to guess your proposal, when it comes, will be more perfect than you could have imagined.  

Post # 11
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Sorry if this comes off harsh but this whole idea of having the perfect proposal really pisses me off. If you want to be married to someone, then go and get married. People have done it for years without their dream ring or it being the right time, place, etc. Sure there’s the traditional process of the guy buying the ring, planning an elaborate surprise proposal and asking the girl to marry him while on bended knee but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you really love each other either run to that courthouse and get hitched or accept you’re in a loving healthy commited relationship and be a patient little waiting bee. Obviously your SO knows you want to get married, and it’s clear he’s planning something that will take time so if you want things done his way, you’re gonna have to wait.

Post # 13
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well played.

If it were me, I’d be on Moissyco right now looking for a great inexpensive ring. With those, you could always keep the setting and replace the stone with a diamond down the road if you wanted to. Or Amazon has some diamond rings for really, really cheap.

(And I do mean really: This is a gold and diamond engagement ring. It’s very modest, but materials-wise, could stand up to being a forever ring. It’s $127. There are some even cheaper, but I didn’t want to link something I wouldn’t be willing to wear myself.)

http://www.amazon.com/Classical-Solitaire-Engagement-Diamond-Brilliant/dp/B008YZER8Y/ref=sr_1_10?s=jewelry&ie=UTF8&qid=1351898750&sr=1-10&keywords=diamond+engagement+rings

To me, it would be worth it to be married now. It would send a very powerful message to him that HE is the most important thing to you–not the ring, not the proposal (which he could still do a great proposal; that doesn’t have to cost money) and not the big white dress. You could always have a long-ish engagement if you wanted to save a bit of money, but if the waiting is getting frustrating, I think progressing to the next level would be beneficial to your relationship. He obviously wants to be with you, and I can’t help but think it would be good to strike while the iron is hot.

Post # 14
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I’m a little confused by the title of this thread. You say you had a fight about marriage and won but are still in the same position you were in prior to the fight, waiting for your partner to decide when he’s ready while you’re left wondering. Am I missing something?

Post # 16
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t know how you guys feel about promise rings, but it could be an inexpensive demonstration of comitment to the relationship that would not have to have the same importance (read price tag) as an engagement ring.

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