Post # 1
SO and I are moving in together in 2 months, so today we went on a mission to find a place. And we did! Happy to do it in one day instead of driving around for weeks. We found a great place, and I’m excited about moving in together (finally)! A while ago I posted about coming across an article about moving in without being engaged (the article is available here: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/tips/move-in-together). I showed it to him and expressed some concern about not being engaged or having a timeline (not confrontationally, just sort of casually discussing the article). I really hope he took it to heart! I love him and it seems like things are going well, but I’m still a worrywart about living together sort of “indefinitely” without a proposal. The good news is his mom said she and his dad lived together for 6 months before they got engaged, so maybe around that time she’ll, erm, help him along. We’ve been talking about it a lot more lately, and there are good signs… I’m just impatient! So hopefully this will mean an engagement soon!
What are your thoughts on cohabitation?
Post # 3
I technically live with my bf, but he lives in my place. I have told him all along that I would not sell my place and buy a new one with him unless we were engaged. So I guess I don’t have a problem with the living together part, but with the selling my place before we’re engaged.
Post # 4
I had similar concerns when my Fiance & I moved in together… but he promised me that I wouldn’t be waiting indefinitely. He knew that I really didn’t want to move in together without being engaged.. and he didn’t want to be engaged without living together first. Since we lived about 45min apart and worked opposite schedules we were only seeing each other on the weekends at that time.
Because I wanted to be with him more, I compromised and we moved in together before being engaged.. but like I said earlier, he also promised me that we would definitely be engaged before we’d lived together for a year. It worked out really well for us. We moved in together in late May of last year.. and he proposed on vaca on V-day! So it was a bit less than 9mo… not bad at all. But then we’d only been together for 4mo before we moved in together, so we really needed that time anyway.
I think it all depends on the particular people.. and what has been discussed prior to moving in together. Some get comfortable easily, making the wait longer.
Post # 5
I have told my guy that I will not be moving in with him when he buys a house if we are not engaged and I plan to stick to it but I dont think badly of anyone who lives together without an engagement or timeline its just not my thing I think whatever makes you happy go for it!
Post # 6
We moved in together in September, a few months before we both turned 20. We’d been together almost three years and it just felt right (: Both sets of our parents were really happy about it. During the school year we live in the condo that my parents bought me and then in the summer we live with our parents, 20 minutes apart. I love living together, and I definitely think it’s helping us move forward to the next natural step (: I think he wouldn’t be considering/planning a proposal as much as he seems to be if we hadn’t moved in together.
Post # 7
I voted ‘whenever it feels right’. Fiance and I moved in with one another when I was spending the night every night, but going back home to my own place during the day. It was silly. Plus we were already talking about getting engaged, and we wanted to know that we could live with one another without killing each other, before promising to get married!
I’m so glad we did!
Post # 8
I met my Fiance in last March, we moved in w/ each other in Nov, and will be getting married in July. It made sense because we wanted to be w/ each other 24/7 and I was getting tired of commuting in lovely SoCal. Plus 6 months into our relationship, we knew we were going to married.
Post # 9
I personally wouldn’t have done it if I knew I was going to be waiting more than a year for a ring. Before I came to the Bee, I drove my guy CRAZY with the engagement talk and it in turn drove me crazy. I hated all of those waiting melt downs I had and if I were more adamant about not moving forward in our relationship until there was a ring on my finger, I could have avoided all of that. My guy felt like there was no incentive for him to propose sooner than he did and then he started making excuses. I finally put my foot down and let him know I would not be waiting much longer- the excuses went away and he proposed when he got the money for a ring.
Post # 10
I always wanted to wait until I was married or at least engaged until we moved in together, but we were saving money and I really couldn’t stand to live at home any longer. I had been away to school for 4 years and was used to living on my own…so when I came home it was difficult to get used to living with “rules” again.
Also, Before we moved in together, we’d be up very very late and Fiance would always be driving home afterwards. It really made no sense.. I was always worried about him driving tired, and both of us were lacking sleep.
So finally, we decided to move out together, because it just felt right- it would’t have made sense for us to get two different apartments, and neither of us had any single friends who needed someone to live with. I’m very happy with the decision that we made. 5 months after we moved in, he proposed in our new apartment…. 🙂
you can see the story here 🙂 http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-proposal-storywith-photos
Post # 11
I have lived with my Fiance since 3 or 4 months after we started dating… I lived with my ex Fiance a few weeks after we started dating too… it’s always just easier for me. I’d much rather live with someone before I marry them or even know if I’d want to marry them. I’d be scared going into that blindly. Plus I wouldn’t want a big move while trying to plan a wedding or right after coming home from a honeymoon.
Post # 12
I voted for ‘anytime it feels right,’ but for us, that time is right after we’re married. :o)
Post # 13
We waited until we were engaged. It was hard to stick to that because I wanted to live together, but it was a rule I made for myself during my first serious relationship in college. I figured that it is a special commitment, and one ‘I only wanted to share w/ the one I was to marry 🙂
But, I voted whenever it feels right, because every situation is unique!
Post # 14
I moved in with my husband after 5 months of dating. We had no discussions of getting engaged or married, it just felt right to move in together at that time so we did. He proposed 6 months later.
Post # 15
This is a tough one, and I think it depends. Personally, I wouldn’t get engaged or married without living with the person first. There is definitely more that you learn about the person and your relationship other than whether they leave the toilet seat up. On the other hand, I wouldn’t move in with someone unless we were serious enough to have had discussions about the future. My SO and I moved in together, but talked about getting married sometime in the not so distant future. I was ok with that mushy timeline because I wasn’t 100% ready to get engaged when we moved in together.
So, I think it might depend on where you are. If you are ready to be engaged NOW or think you should have been engaged yesterday, I don’t think it is a good idea to move in together without a firm timeline. I wouldn’t just “hope” that you’d be engaged soon. You have to make your expectations clear. And I do think that moving in together can make a lot of guys drag their feet.
Post # 16
As PPs have said, it depends on the couple and what feels right for them. SO and I have been living together for a year and a half now and I’m still waiting for a proposal. While I could have put my foot down and said no living together until we’re at least engaged – I’m really happy living with him now and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We decided that putting money towards a down payment on a house rather than a wedding was more important to us and knew that we would eventually get married. I will say I do think it has delayed a proposal – expenses come up, money is tight and he’s gotten comfortable, but I made it known to him that I will not be happy just living together indefinitely and he assured me that a proposal will happen.
So I think it’s important that you communicate before moving in together and possibly set out a timeline. That’s the only thing I kind of regret that I didn’t do and I assumed for the first year that a proposal was imminent (and drove myself crazy lol). Now I know where we stand and I’m somewhat happy waiting.