(Closed) we found an apartment/ cohabitation poll

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What do you think of cohabitation?

    Only if you're married

    Only if you're engaged

    Any time it feels right

    Other (explain)

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We moved in together a little less than 3 years ago. He was deployed for one of those years, so we have actually been living together for 2 years. We got engaged a year ago and are married now. For us, moving in together did not delay marriage.

    I can understand when couples don’t want to live together before marriage. But for us, it was the right decision. There is definitely an adjustment stage when you first live together. You discover some of SO’s habits that you didn’t know about and you will lose your old routines and form new ones. That can be stressful and I’m glad I don’t have to deal with this as a newlywed.

    Post # 18
    Member
    5109 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think it depends on the people. I wanted to live with Fiance before we got engaged. See if our living habits etc were the same.

    Post # 19
    Member
    9816 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I think apartment living is fine, but I would never purchase a home with someone I wasn’t married to. It’s not for moral reasons, I just don’t think it makes any sense financially. I’ve seen friends of mine buying a house with their boyfriend thinking a proposal will happen, and it didn’t.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    View original reply
    @KatyElle: I agree.  Well, we bought our house before we got married, but wedding planning was in full gear by then.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3980 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    We moved in together when it felt right. Before we were engaged. And I don’t regret it for one second.

    Post # 22
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I moved in with my Fiance after 2 years of dating, it was before we were officially engaged, but we were already 100% sure we wanted to get married and had basically been living together for a year already (two apartments, but spent every night together).

    I think this worked out well for us because we had some idea what living together would be like, but didn’t make the comittment until we were sure we wanted to be together forever. I know too many people who moved in with boyfreinds (even long term ones) then broke up and ended up stuck paying way more rent and utilites than they could afford.

    Post # 23
    Member
    2468 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i voted “any time it feels right.” hubby and i weren’t talking seriously about getting married when we first moved in together, after being together 2 years, and basically living together for a year of that (he lived 3 blocks from me, we basically both lived in both places). we talked about being together forever, but in a much more hypothetical way, like “someday.” i started feeling ready to make the next step about a year after that, and he proposed a few months after we started talking about it much more seriously. for us, that was the totally natural progression and i wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. the intimacy of cohabitating is i think really important for building a relationship. most people i know live together before getting engaged unless they have religious reasons. my parents even secretly lived together before getting engaged, lol

    Post # 24
    Member
    773 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I told my Fiance that I wasn’t moving in with him unless it was a demonstration of us “moving toward” something in our relationship.  He was interested in buying a place (by himself), but I didn’t want him to buy a place with me in mind, and if we were going to end up together I wanted to co-own.  SO we lived together for about 8 months when we moved to the place we bought together (we started looking when we got engaged).

    Post # 25
    Member
    326 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think living together is a great thing, my bf and I have lived together for a year and are now talking about engagement.  However, I think you absolutely have to be on the same page/timeline about an engagement, if you’re thinking (hoping?) for 6 months and he’s thinking a couple years, you are going to get very resentful of living together.

    Post # 26
    Member
    28 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My Fiance and I moved in togther before we were engaged and it was great for us.  I love living with him and it led us to become more comfortable around each other and generally closer.  We got engaged a little less than a year later.  But like Ms. Lotus, I think being on the same page is really key.  We had very honest conversations first, about the fact that we both thought we wanted to get married and, although we weren’t ready quite yet, about general time lines.  I think it’s important that both people understand the other’s wants/needs/ expectations.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2495 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    It’s a personal choice, so do what’s best for you as a couple!

    DH and I didn’t live together before marriage for personal reasons (not all religious, although that did play a part), but I’ve seen others do it well and others do it not so well… so it’s really, really about what you two think.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    We moved in together just after being together for 5 months. It was very soon but it just felt right. We then bought our first home together after being together for a 1.5 years. We have now been together for 3.5 years but I dont think any of that has led to a longer wait for an engagement. We did all that to help set ourselves up for our life together.

    You just have to both be on the same page about where this is going and how long you are comfortable waiting. Given that we own property together the government counts us as a domestic partnership anyway so marriage is just a formality at this stage.

    Post # 29
    Member
    466 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I moved in with Fiance on our 1 year anniversary with no idea of wedding plans or whatever. It was just much more convenient and economical to live together. His lease was up and my dorm room went unused most of the year so went for it.

    We were very careful about the entire situation. I help with bills, obviously, but I never wanted my name on the paperwork. I’m pretty much a renter in his house lol! But that’s what we felt comfortable with. We eventually did get engaged and the waiting period was a bit more uncomfortable than what it might’ve been had we not been living together… But it worked out well for us.

    Post # 30
    Member
    1190 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My Fiance and I moved in together after 3 years of being together. We only did because he moved 6 hours away for work and I was able to finish school there, so it made sense and felt right. If he had not moved there for work, I think we would still be with our parents (it’s so much cheaper!!). But you never know! Either way, 3 years of living together and we are finally engaged!

    I think each relationship/situation is different and you need to do what’s right for you!

    Post # 30
    Member
    1190 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    double post

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