(Closed) We got into an argument over … cheese. No, really.

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I personally would let him have the cheese tray his way…………..  it all goes along the lines of not sweating the small stuff.  Really, in 5 years is it going to matter what cheese was on the tray? 

Also, he probably won’t be expecting that so it’ll be a nice suprise.  

Post # 18
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t know what the underlying issue may be, but one of my best friends (my Maid/Matron of Honor actually), is hesitant to try new foods, and gets uptight if I “push” her. For instance, I mentioned several times to her that I was excited about our pre-wedding salon day because we could bring champagne, and started talking about what type of champagne I liked. Finally she made a remark that “maybe she is a hick drinker” but she only likes beer. No problem to me – but she said the conversation made her feel weird – like she wasn’t cultured. Certainly wasn’t my intent when I brought up the champagne idea. I think feeling “uncultured” or whatever can cut people down sometimes (I’m not saying that was your intent at all, just putting it out there as a possible reason for the blow up).

If it makes you feel better (or makes you laugh), the largest fight FH and I have gotten into so far was over whether David Dochovny (sp? The guy from X-files) was hot or not. Granted, there was drinking involved that night – but sometimes you both just get super stressed out, and the fighting comes out in weird, WEIRD ways!!!! (hugs)

Post # 19
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It’s cool, we once almost broke up because of a fight over Qdoba chips. It was badddd but we solved a LOT of issues that night 🙂 since it always runs deeper than the chips!

I think it is him worrying that his family will feel out of place. even I feel out of place looking at those cheese names. I think he’s being overly sensitive/protecting for his family, but if he has said things like this before then he’s probably felt out of place before and doesn’t want it to happen again, to him or his family. HE should have been cool with your compromise… like you suggested. I think you need to get down to the real nitty-gritty… what his underlying issue is. Not sure how to though since I don’t know your man! And I know I didn’t really say anything that wasn’t said above… but just throwing in some support!

Post # 20
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If it makes you feel better, we disagree on food a lot. I am with you, let’s have some fancy cheese.  He’s a plain mozzerella and Kraft American individually wrapped slices guy. And that’s fine, but live and let live, right?

I blame his mother. She instilled all these weird food hangups in him.

Post # 21
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I know its wasn’t funny at the time, and is probably still not funny now. But I totally laughed at your story! It sounds a lot like my husband and I. When we have blow out fights its about something like twist-ties, or tissues, or cheese (although… not cheese because we both like snobby cheese hehe).

Seriously, I don’t think you should read into him saying “You’ll do what you want anyway,” too much. Its more like him conceding that it should be done how you proposed since you actually compromised. Unlike him. Saying that is like a last ditch attempt on his part at manipulating you into doing it HIS way!

You shouldn’t feel bad about letting him have all the “normal” appetizers he wants and adding two of your “weird” cheeses. If anyone asks him about them, just tell him to tell whoever it is that they are, “my fiance’s weird cheeses.”

Post # 22
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Aww, I know this is no help, but there was an arugement over cheese in the movie “license to wed” as well…don’t feel bad, even Mandy Moore has those days 😉

Post # 23
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

(hugs)

I agree with many of the above posters… it seems like there’s kind of a socioeconomic/snobbishness hang-up going on, and I’m concerned about the “you’ll just do what you want.”

One thing that occurs to me, that might help to defuse the cheese issue a little bit: chips and salsa aren’t “normal” to everyone either! My husband’s family definitely sees them as very “ethnic,” and would never serve them because they’re “weird.” I’ve actually seen Mother-In-Law being too nervous to try salsa, b/c she is too scared of spicy foods. They’re from rural SC. Just thought that observation might help your guy get a little bit of perspective about how tastes vary from one region to another and one family to another… his “normal” food is totally exotic by their standards!

Post # 24
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My Boy and I had a fight last night about a pillow. I ended up on the couch and only getting about 3 or 4 hours of sleep! It was ridiculous!

 

Post # 25
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh girl, we have the silliest arguments over the most mundane things.  I agree with the above posts that this sounds like something a little more than just cheese.  Maybe he feels like he’s not heard or his suggestions aren’t taken into consideration.  Not just with cheese but in general.  I could be speculating but you never know.

That being said, I would go over board on the cheese tray.  (i’m slightly giggling now).  I’m talking all the cracker barrel you could ask for AND the cheeses you and your parents enjoy.

Post # 26
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

Girl, the two most epic fights my Fiance and I had in the past year were over 1.) meatballs and 2.) a Batman comic book. Of course, there were other things at the heart of it–there always are–but I’m sure that once you work it out, you’ll laugh about this.

Post # 27
Member
3230 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

LOL I just had to comment because my husband & I also had a little argument over cheese!

I wanted a cheese board at the wedding, & he thought it was stupid, in the end I promised not to spend more then x amount of dollars & our cheese board rocked at the wedding.

And about your cheese argument, sounds like he was on what I call his “man period” and he was just arguing and nit picking for the sake of arguing. Just brush it off and do the cheese board with the cheddar. Trust me the on Thanksgiving day he will be shoving all those appetizers in his pie hole while drinking beer & watching football 🙂

Post # 28
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sorry about all of this, but if you can stand one more bit of advice…

You are planning the wedding and the holidays and probably making many other household and decorating decisions, right?

Maybe he’s not feeling “heard” or that his opinon matters in all of this.  Understand, that like your wedding, it’s his holiday too. Perhaps he wants some of his own “comfort” items to feel happy or like he’s a part of the whole wedding, holiday, marriage decision making process versus a bystander. 

Here’s the hard part:  Let it go by LETTING HIM DO IT. Assign him “appetizers”. Trust his judgement (he’s smart, he picked you didn’t he?). If he chooses to bring cheddar or celery or tacos from Taco Bell or whatever, so what! It’s not the end of the world if it’s not what you’d choose! Delegate the job and don’t bring it up again. You have to delegate and let him be involved not matter how mundane or he’ll always say “fine, you do it” (subtext: since you are going to do it your way anyway and my input isn’t welcome) . 

Please don’t put yourself in the position of always doing “it” your way for the rest of the relationship or you’ll end up doing everything or making all of the decisions and then you’ll be pissed that he’s not involved enough.

Please, talk it out and make sure you really HEAR him because it is SO NOT about food or cheese or the restaurant you choose…it might just be about letting him make some decisions too.

Happy Thanksgiving…

Post # 29
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sometimes the issue lies deep inside…but sometimes it REALLY IS just about cheese. My fiance and I continue to have major arguments about whose turn it is to clean the cat litter (supposedly it’s 50/50…but somehow I think he is getting the better end of the deal).

This one is easily solved though. Who is making the appetizers? We have a deal that you can’t say anything bad about the other person’s cooking or choice of meal.

Post # 30
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

There’s a lot of good advice on this thread but I felt compeled to add.

FYI: He is being Ridiculous! 

There isn’t a single logical or reasonable reasons you can’t have a cheese you and your family love available at your wedding (along with other stuff!).  That’s probably why he wouldn’t engage in a rational conversation, there’s just nothing he could say.

G’luck.

Post # 31
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree that it usually goes deeper than the cheese.

We once had a HUGE fight about soup, crab soup to be exact.  For the life of me I can’t remember the details but I promise, you will laugh about it someday.

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