Post # 1
After two years of dating (he’s mid 30’s & I am early 30’s) and 1 month of living together, we finally had the talk! We decided that we would have a 10-12 month engagement and would get married in Winter 2020 (probably Novemeber).
I feel very excited, he has asked me to email him the details of the ring I would like and I’m really hoping he proposes before the end of 2019.
It’s been a long road getting to this point but I finally feel like the timing is right and the wheels are in motion, so I thought I would share.
Now I wait.
Any advice on how to avoid pre-engagment planning? Any tips on how to enjoy upcoming vacations/significant dates without expecting a proposal?
Post # 2
No advice at all unfortunately (seeing as I am currently losing my mind waiting) but I just wanted to say congrats! It’s so exciting!!! I would just plan anyway, since you have a rough date set you’re basically as good as engaged already! Obviously I would leave visiting venues and dress trying on so it’s more special when the actual proposal comes but internet browsing and day dreaming is always okay 🙂
Something I am currently learning is try your best not to hassle him for hints or encourage a faster proposal (no matter how subtle you think you’re being) I’m finding it takes a little bit of the fun away and puts unfair pressure on. You know he wants to marry you and you want to marry him so just enjoy this thought and be patient 🙂
Post # 3
You can pre-plan some. I saved ideas for things like hair and flowers while I waited. I got some ideas for venues, but those proved to be unrealistic once I got engaged.
Post # 4
Thank you for your reply! It made me happy to read “since you have a rough date set you’re basically as good as engaged already!” ! I hadn’t thought it of it like that! But it’s true now that you say it.
I hope you don’t want too long and thanks again, that was really nice 🙂
Post # 5
I hear you with the unrealistic venues! There are so many in my area! I will stick to things like hair and flowers that are easier to control the cost on. We won’t be having a lavish wedding by any means. Let me know how much of your early inspiration you ended up using on your wedding day!
Post # 6
Katrina117 : renobee :
I have to totally disagree that having a timeline is the same as being engaged already. That is a super dangerous road to go down emotionally. I have seen more than a few bee’s on here waiting and assuming they are getting engaged for the relationship to end instead. Ive seen guys even buy the ring and then sit on it and then break up.
My friend also thought she was getting engaged and then he up and dumped her suddenly. They had gone ring shopping and everything. She had gone overboard in planning and picking dresses etc. It made it so much worse for her to get over. It can be a good distraction while you wait, but emotionally it can do a lot of dammage.
There is no pre-engaged, there is no almost engaged, you either are or you are not. Until it happens you aren’t engaged. And by engaged I mean you have talked to each other, said YES we want to get married and agree you are engaged, and then go tell everyone and your families and annnounce you are engaged. Ring is optional for some people. But if you aren’t announcing it yet, and are simply waiting for a proposal than you aren’t engaged.
Start a pinterest page on private settings and just go browse and pin things to keep you occupied but I just don’t think its a good idea to assume something that hasn’t happened yet. Until the proposal happens all bets are off.
Personally im waiting and its nervewrecking but there isn’t actually much you can do to ease that waiting feeling. Get busy, hit the gym, don’t get your hopes up for events and vacations. Instead tell yourself it isn’t going to happen so you aren’t dissaponted. Try to shift your thought from waiting/dissapointed to wait, to OMG is this it? wait is this it? excitement.
If you really start to actually get resentful or just feel like your bottling up emotions, talk to him. Its ok if you need reassurance now and again, and its ok if you want a more specific timeline from him on when he is proposing to ease your mind. And congrats bee!! This is a very exciting time!! Soak it up, because once its over its over!!
Post # 7
Thank you for your words of caution. I agree and disagree with some of what you’ve said. I don’t think it’s emotionally healthy for me to pretend like the proposal isn’t going to happen.
On a personal note, I was engaged 5 years ago and he said all the right words but in reality was not the man he was presenting himself to be so I ended the engagement. I beat myself up for years over the happiness, hope and love I had naively poured into that relationship. It took some time and some work with a counsellor but I came to realize that everything I had put into my relationship, I hadn’t lost and I could take with me.
I am proud to say that I am with someone that I can trust enough to be excited about something before it happens. It started small, he said he would pick me up at 6 – he picked me up at 6. He said we would go camping 3 months from now – we went camping 3 months later. He has shown me that as a man of very few words, when he says something, it happens. I realize this may sound naive and although it is possible he may blindside me, I think he deserves to be loved without having to pay for the mistakes of those before him.
We all take risks, all of us who take the chance at love. There are no guarantees. But I’ve learned from personal experience, that I would rather walk away from something knowing that I was “all in” than to hold back just in case.
I think waiting bees are a special breed, we have to be resilient, sometimes silent, sometimes vocal and all while trying to preserve something super fragile – hope.
Thanks again for your response 😊 I totally will be hitting up pinterest but won’t be picking out dresses or any of the big stuff. It’s all window shopping until it’s “ring on the finger” official.
Post # 8
Just to clarify I in no way was suggesting you can’t be happy, or excited, or that you should pretend the engagement wasn’t going to happen. I am sorry if you interpreted what I said in that way.
I meant that you don’t get the cart before the horse. There is a reason being engaged is a very specific thing that takes an extra step. Until you are engaged, it simply isn’t a thing yet. That doesn’t mean you can’t be excited, or trust your boyfriend will be a man of his word and propose. Not at all what I was saying. Just that, there is plenty of time to celebrate an engagement and plan for a wedding once the engagement actually happens.