Post # 17
Member
8 posts
Newbee
thank you all for your messages! I am grateful! I arrived in UK with my son now. The sad part is: my DH wrote an email saying. “R u there yet” and that was it….didn’t even ask about us and how we are. i ignored and then he sent another email “my grandmom is sick and in hospital” I then replied saying I hope she’s ok. I never hear from him for our son or me. He has already been on my fb as I stupidly left my tablet back in the US. I then realised I can log it off my fb. I never said anything nasty at all to anyone in my private msgs but still he’s looking at what I wrote to my friends about my situation. He immediately changed my password to Skype and rung my house with it and hung up when e heard my dad. I am so confused! I am tired and I’m waiting for him to put money in my account like he said he would for Our son.
Post # 18
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
Wow, what a piece of shit. For starters, your in laws didn’t ruin anything. Your husband ruined your relationship, full stop. Divorce this idiot, rally your friends and family members to help with your newborn, and take this asshole to court for as much child support as you can get out of him. Don’t entertain taking him back, he’s not worth it. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this, but you should only have one child in your life to take care of–not an infant and a grown man-child. Ugh, I’m so angry for you.
Post # 19
Member
8 posts
Newbee
Thank you all again….I just want to know do I look weak that I am in UK now? He asked me and my son to leave as e wouldn’t renew my home lease in Jan and what was the point of me staying coz I had no family. So I agreed and I am in UK now but I can’t help but feel like I am weak for agreeing. It took so much pain and strength to leave especially when he have our dog away the day we left! why do I feel this way?!
Post # 20
Hostess
2633 posts
Sugar bee
@Crlove: Oh dear!!! I am so so sorry!!!!! Hummm seems like your husband is still a infant, and needs to sit at his mothers feet and take her advice.
You my dear are a bigger person, it’s ok you left to the UK to your family. You were not weak.
It upsets me that he doesn’t care about your son, and he also took your dog.
i am upset for you
Post # 21
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
@Crlove: Have you talked to a lawyer? You might be charged with kidnapping for taking your son out of the country. Do you have a text or email with him telling you to go back to the UK? If you do, keep it in a safe place.
Also, change your FB password ASAP.
Post # 22
Member
8 posts
Newbee
: ) I did get a permission letter From the father and it was notorized. He told me to go back to UK with our son as he thinks I would be happier here and have a support sustem, plus he said he couldn’t help me if I was in America. That’s why I bought I was weak coz I agreed. But I must say I left coz he was acting crazy and I wanted to protect my son from the crazy in laws if they all started to have visitation rights on the weekend and I couldn’t bear it as they would influence y son with lies and manipulation as they did with their son. I can’t believe this has happened! It’s such a total shock xoxox
Post # 23
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
Deleted – OP posted as I did.
OP, best of luck. You will come out of this stronger.
Post # 24
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
@Crlove: I think you need to be very, very careful in this situation. Do you have sole court-mandated custody of your son? Has your (ex)husband agreed to your having sole custody, in writing? Because if he changes his mind and goes to court to get custody in the USA you can be ordered back to the USA, or be accused of kidnapping and potentially have the child taken, or even be permanently banned from the country.
http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2011/11/01/melissa-porter-and-what-happens-when-an-international-custody-battle-looms/
http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/05/justice/court-custody/
http://www.americanbar.org/newsletter/publications/gp_solo_magazine_home/gp_solo_magazine_index/oct99cro.html
Seriously, TALK TO A SPECIALIST LAWYER ABOUT THIS, RIGHT NOW. This situation could get bad beyond your worst imaginings if you do not follow everything by the book and get legal advice right away.
Keep records of everything. Get everything in writing. Write notes with dates and times when you talk to your (ex)husband, especially when he does things like asks you to leave, promises you child support, and agrees to your having custody of your son. This is not a game, do not assume he will keep his promises, do not assume he will not lie, do not assume he will not try to trick you to get custody or drag you back to the USA. You need to protect yourself and your son first and foremost.
Editt: Phew, just saw your last post. I am glad you have records so far, but I would still recommend you talk to a lawyer and make sure you continue to keep everything by the book. He may well change his mind, so be careful.
Post # 25
Member
8 posts
Newbee
I spoke to a judge before I left and he said because were legally married I can leave just with a permission letter. If he decides to file divorce, then he will still be seen as abandoning his chold and marriage because I haven’t asked for a divorce. He has emailed me but only talks about his family and not mention anything about our son! I know he may lie and I have the fear but I’m still married and I am already in UK through authorization especially coz I have a notorized letter. I will immediately seek legal tomorrow morning as i am still worried because he seems he could do anything out of anger but he really hasn’t asked about our son.
Post # 26
Member
3666 posts
Sugar bee
@KingsDaughter: Was the dog supposed to go to the U.K. as well? Frankly, I’m happy that someone wants the dog, that doggie is being cared for.
As a general observation, I always think it’s interesting that people discover they have insurmountable problems due to differing cultures, that dads do not want to be dads, and that inlaws are interfering monsters well after dependant children are produced. I would think there are indicators along the way, before bringing a baby into it.
I really cannot tell what’s going on in the OP’s marriage but I wonder how much input her DH had into pregnancy and children.
Post # 27
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@Crlove: If I were you I would get court ordered child support as soon as you can. The UK has an agreement between at least all the provinces in Canada and the States where child support is streamlined (they are called Interjurisdictional Support Orders – or ISO’s). Go to a solicitor to get yourself taken care of (also with regards to custody – you do not want to get into trouble with that respect). You need legal advice, for sure. Your ex is such an @ss. Everything will get better. I hope you are doing well and getting the support you need.
Post # 28
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
Good heavens, what an awful situation. Your husband did you a favor as he is not a true husband or father by any stretch of the imagination. He has freed you from a life of total unhappiness and especially from the persecution by his family. However, you MUST seek the advice of a lawyer as soon as possible. You MUST protect yourself and your son! And I agree with PPs – things WILL get better.
Post # 29
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
Get a lawyer right away. Everything else can wait. Document and copy EVERYTHING. Do not speak to him or his family or put anything in writing until you see a lawyer. And then take him for everything.
Post # 30
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
@Crlove: Good for you, it sounds like you are doing everything right so far! There is definitely a decent chance that after your husband realizes what he has lost, things will get a lot messier, though. But as long as you are careful and follow the advice of your lawyer, hopefully things will work out just fine.
Post # 31
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
Also definitely remember that if you take your son back to the USA, you are instantly at risk of being stuck there or having the custody shift. So IF you decide you (for some reason) want to reconcile with your husband, make sure he comes to YOU, not the other way around. Make him do the work, and don’t lift a finger out of the UK unless you are 150% confident that he is past his problems with his family and your relationship is going to work out long term (that means at least a year of counselling and demonstated good behaviour in the UK, not just promises). At the moment it really doesnt sound like he is anyone you would want to reconcile with, but just in case, make sure you don’t get lured back over there with false promises.