We just got engaged but i have a cat and my now fiance has a dog!!!!!

posted 4 months ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

APancakePrincess :  “His dog doesn’t get along with other dogs or cats”, “I know ther is now way my cant and his dog can get along”. Those are her words. Obvisously her fh knows his own dog. You know how your pets are correct? So apparently his dog does not like cats indoor or outdoor. She knew this and still got a cat. She is blaming it on the dog and not taken responsibility for her own actions. As for trusting a dog alone with a cat there are many many many fur babies that get along great that don’t need to be seperated they make the best friends for each other. 

Post # 17
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee

This was so irresponsible and impulsive on your part, OP. Because you didn’t think things through, now you have a cat you need to rehome and you are going to disrupt its life because you were careless in the moment and only thinking of yourself. 

It’s such a shame when people take in animals on a whim, just to realize after the fact that they can’t give the animal the stable home it needs and they just dump it off on someone else. 

I feel sorry for the cat and the dog in this case. 100% your fault 

Post # 18
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

APancakePrincess :  I mean, it’s actually pretty irresonsible. She fully knew about the dog not getting along with other animals and was clearly looking to stay with her SO long term, so upon finding/happening upon a stray cat, the responsible thing to do would’ve been to find a forever home for the lil one.

Additionally, your arbitrary “no expections” rule that dogs and cats should never be left alone together sounds like something straight out of a Kindergarten classroom when we’re told what “opposites” are. There are plenty of dogs and cats of many breeds that do just fine with one another: mine were best friends for ten years before my cat’s passing. It’s not always a black and white situation.

Post # 19
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

bluecandy :  nailed it

The only option I see here, is to keep the animals separate and slowly start introducing them to eachother over a long course of time.

I would recommend perhaps having the dog see a behaviourist (not a trainer – these are two different things) as they will offer ways to settle the dog’s instincts. As you’ve stated this dog is a bit aggressive with all other animals, I think this is probably something he should have done anyway. 

Otherwise, i’m sorry Bee, but the cat is the one which will lose out here and is probably the one who will have to spend some time with your parents. Your Fiance has had this dog four years. You would have known what he was like before you adopted the cat. You’re the one at fault here, not him or his dog. I just feel bad for the poor kitty 🙁

Post # 20
Member
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I mean, the dog did come first. Do you currently live with your parents? If so it wouldn’t be a great upheaval for the cat to stay there and is probably the most low-stress solution for both animals (presumably your parents are willing). You could still visit it. Otherwise, is there any possibility of SAFELY introducing the cat and dog to see if they can get used to each other? Like have them in different rooms where they can smell but not get to each other, work with a trainer etc. It would probably take a lot of time and effort to get success in this, so it may be easier for all parties for your cat to go to your parents. I know it sucks, but if they truly can’t live together it would have to be the cat that goes. It sounds like the cat would have a home with your parents lined up, whereas it could be much more difficult or impossible to re-home a dog especially with social issues. Not to mention the dog has bonded to your fiance for four years and it would be more traumatic to re-home it. 

Post # 21
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

It seems everyone is getting a little upset that one would suggest training rather than just rehoming either pet? Which is a bit off to me. 

The dog sounds like it has a serious behavioral issue, not because it just has a pray drive towards cats, but because it also has dog aggression issue. Why should that not be addressed? 

OP also never let on what the dog’s history with other animals actually is. Some animals are just reactive when out and about or on a lead, but then can be perfectly fine in an indoor situation. 

I just feel that there might be more options than getting rid of either animal. That’s kind of an extreme place to jump to.

 

californiasun :  

It’s not about cats and dogs being opposites? They’re both domesticated mammals.

What it’s really about is size. A dog can really do harm to a cat. I also wouldn’t recommend a full grown cat be left unsupervised with an 8 week old kitten. 

It’s great that your dog never had a moment where it redirected it’s aggression or when playtime got too rough or pray drive and play drive got mixed it–for most people, cats and dogs being unsupervised together will never result in an accident–but when it does go wrong it will likely go very wrong. 

Working with animals I’ve heard the horror stories of they pets that have always lived together and have always been fine until they weren’t–and then they really weren’t.  It’s not worth the risk. 

Post # 22
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I will just say my dog acts like she wants to kill every cat she sees. BUT she goes to doggy day care twice a week and they have a cat. At first there was some carnage. Now she and the cat are best mates. She still acts like she wants to kill every other cat she sees but this one cat – she is now part of the wolf pack. I think you shouldn’t dismiss trying to have them get along out of hand – yes it will seem doomed to fail at first but persist and it may not. 

Post # 23
Member
5537 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

APancakePrincess :  

Technically what posters and he boyfriend are suggesting is the opposite of rehoming the cat. OP said the boyfriends suggestion was for the cat to “stay” with her parents which implies that is where it lives now. Cats will be much more attached the the household in general than one person specifically.

Post # 24
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

APancakePrincess :  But that could be said about any two pets–you run that risk when you bring any two animals into the home.

It really depends on the relationship cultivated between the two animals, and it sounds like OP knew the dog didn’t get along with other animals (she seems pretty adamant about it, so though we don’t have examples, I’ll willing to bet there are some) so therefore knew there couldn’t be a healthy relationship between dog and any other pet (especially one smaller than dog). If we operated under the “don’t leave animals of different sizes home alone together” standard, we’d never leave the house. My parents specifically searched for a small dog that would be good with older cats who needed a forever home, and vetted their options thoroughly. As a result, our small Havanese and bigger Tabby were good from introduction and formed a bond within the first few weeks.

I also agree that it sounds like OP currently lives with her parents, so having the cat “stay” with people cat has already bonded with would actually be the best option, if OP’s parents are open to it. OP can’t go back and time and change her actions in regards to the cat, of course, but when the options came down to either going through the re-homing process or knowingly putting the cat in harms way, the reaction of the a lot of the bees makes sense. Hopefully, kitty has bonded with OP’s parents and their willing to have kitty stay there.

Post # 25
Member
10664 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

APancakePrincess :  

Prey drive (not ‘pray’ drive; let’s keep religion out of this) does not equal aggression.  The two are not even related.  Prey drive is much closer to play drive. A dog pursuing prey is not stressed.  You can hear it in the bark; a high pitched yap is a “prey flushing” bark. You can totally see a more relaxed open face and body language.  You won’t see teeth, or hear growling.

Aggressive displays reveal much more stress that is visible in the dog’s body language and vocalizations. The  degree of stress will vary depending on the type and level of aggression, ie defensive, fear, territorial, reproductive, etc.

That is not to say that a dog who is in prey drive (prey chasing mode) can’t be dangerous.  A truly prey driven dog’s goal is to capture and kill his prey.

How dangerous any given dog is depends on the dog’s breed(s), DNA (the most significant variable), and ability to discriminate prey from non prey, which is a function of socialization.  IOW, squeaky toy = prey.  Shrieking toddler = not prey.

These kinds of threads always infuriate me and I always regret clicking on them. Not directed at you, Bee. That was aimed squarely at the OP.

Post # 26
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

And also keep in mind op and her fh have been together for 5 years. Op’s fh got the dog 4 years ago. So op know’s how the dog is, it’s not like she got into this relationship 2 years after he got the dog. She has been with him every step of they way with this dog. 

Post # 27
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I’m a dog person, so I came in here ready to be on team dog, but some of these responses have been  absurd.  You were supposed to delay your life and not adopt a cat on the chance that you might get engaged to a man with a dog in the future?  Who knows when that man was going to propose and honestly admonishing the OP for adopting a cat does little to nothing to solve the issue at hand.  Further, I find your future husband’s “well the cat has gotta go” attitude to be flippant.  At this point you have an emotional attachment to the cat, and he’s not even trying to reach a point of compromise. 

This is quite a conundrum.  If your parents want a pet and are willing to open their home to him/her, then that could be a viable option and in both of the animal’s best interests.  Rehoming an animal (especially a dog in my opinion) is difficult, and I fear that the doggy will wind up in a shelter where he’ll eventually be put down if you were to try to rehome the dog.    

 

Post # 28
Member
328 posts
Helper bee

As some one who adopted a cat and 3 gerbils once,  I think that animals can be trained to get along. 

I think you and your fiance should get to the root of the problem (i.e. Why is the dog not get along with other animals?). Also, now that both of you are engaged, his dog is your dog too and your cat is his cat too. There is no point of blaming any one here. Clearly, you saw an animal that needed to be adopted and you couldn’t help it. 

There are techniques that you could follow to get the dog and the cat to at least tolerate the other. It starts with the way the animals are introduced. Both of you should be patient and never rush it. follow these teachniques to the dot. For example, while living separately introduce the animals’ toys to each other. Let them snigg and play with each others’ toys or blankets. Then, you put one anumal in a room and the other in a cage. You bring the cage close to the door and allow the animals to sniff each other. Give both animals treats whenever they feel the presence of the other. Do this for 3 days straight. Then, exchange them in the cage and room. As they get more comfortable with each other, you provide them with more exposure. This requires patience.

In the event that you have tried every thing and there was no success, then, you should rehome the cat but I think you both should first try to make it work. That way you have no room for resentment. 

Post # 29
Member
1885 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Options:

1. Get a two story home. Dog gets downstairs, cat gets upstairs. 

2. Extensive training and introduction. 

3. Parents take the cat

4. Friend takes the cat. 

5. Shelter takes the cat. 

6. You never move in together until one of the animals dies. 

 

On a first in first out basis the cat goes if one of you has to get rid of an animal. 

Post # 30
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Congrats on being engaged!

Another vote for people being really harsh. It’s not like you intentionally went out and bought a fancy breed cat. You generously opened your heart and home to a stray. That stray needed you then, and you had no control on the timing. I also agree with the poster who pointed out that it is ridiculous for you to have put your life on hold when you didn’t know how long it would be until or if you’d get engaged. 

I hope your parents or a friend can take the kitty, as that’s probably easiest for all involved. Good luck, let us know. 

 

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