(Closed) We messed up..BADLY!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
13905 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Eek.  This is not going to be what you want to hear, but – you made this choice.  You opted to invite significantly more guests than you could afford, and with those extra invitiations comes extra costs (Aside from food, that also increases the number of tables, linens, centerpieces, etc).  It’s one thing to invite 10-15 over what your venue can hold or what you can afford, but you went so far in the extreme that you should have anticipated a problem like this.   

I honestly have never heard of the 60% rule that you speak of, and my wedding was also a destination wedding for our families (3 hour flight for half, 8 hour drive for the others).  We had about a 75-80% turnout, with zero people bailing as it got closer.

If you can, I would get a second job to try to pay down some of this debt.  You can’t uninvite people at this point, and if your parents are unable/unwilling to help (which I would entirely understand), it’s your responsibility to pony up the cash somehow.  Personal loans suck, but it might be an option for you since you now need to come up with an extra $10,000.  

Hopefully you will get some declines or people who withdraw their acceptance.  If your date is truly in May 2014, perhaps things will even out for you. 

Post # 18
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Can you change your wedding details? Maybe not a dinner but a brunch or drink/cocktail food and cake reception?  Also work with your cater…..a chunk of 10,000 is alot but if cut into serveral payments here and there it will be easier. Do you have some music friends willing to play some jams?I have found ways to incorporate friends of friends and family and it has saved me a lot of money (we still offer to pay them, but most are gifting thier talents!).

I am sorry this happened to you….It happened to me too, but not at such a scale. I am lucky that I am still coming in under budget.

Post # 19
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’d cancel all together & do something else to be honest. There is NO way I would go into debt for the wedding. I’ve also never heard of the 60% rule. I hope more people flake out!!

Post # 20
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014


– get a part time job

– negotiate with the venue to reduce your per person price

– cut back on flowers/favours/linens etc

– save every extra cent, cut coupons….

Post # 21
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It’s rude to uninvite people but, hey, you can’t just spend 10,000 dollars you don’t have. You will either have to uninvite the extra guests or change the event and serve much cheaper food etc, so you can afford the large number.

Post # 22
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

I, too, have never heard of the 60% rule.  Is your wedding date correct?  If so, that gives you both time to pick up part time jobs, drop cable, drop Starbucks, and any other non-essentials.  See if you have things you can sell.

I applaud you for taking ownership for this, but I just don’t understand where you guys got the idea that 40% would decline!  My first daughter’s decline rate?  5%.  Yep – 5%

Post # 23
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would get the bare minimums for evrything before i would uninvite guests. Cut back on food. Cheaper photog or less hours. Ipod over DJ. Single flowers instead of bouquets or really cheap flowers. 

Post # 24
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Elope. Yikes.

Post # 26
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would elope in this situation if you won’t lose too much money :-/ I mean, I guess there’s a chance that some people will bail out before the actual wedding, but I wouldn’t want to hold my breath on that.

ETA: just saw your most recent response about how soon this is…In that case, cut costs anywhere you can…including liquor.

Post # 27
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@classyashley:  +1. My thought would be to invite the amount you want to attend, and then add more as people decline. There is always the risk everyone will come and you will end up tapped out.

OP, I am going against the grain here. That is a ridiculous amount to spend on a wedding if you don’t have the cash for it. Do not go into debt for a wedding. If you need to look like an asshole and change your venue, date, whatever in order to limit guests, then do it.

I’d rather be an asshole than broke as a joke.

Post # 28
11267 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  lesson learned.

i don’t know why couples over extend the guest count.

Post # 29
8146 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  Are you having a limo? Can you cut that out?  I would see if the venue has a payment plan available as well! Maybe shorten the time with the photographer? My sisters venue cut her a deal because she had over 200 and the place was happy for the business!

Post # 30
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ive never heard the 60% rule. Is that for destination only? i thought it was more like 10% say no to rsvps.

Can you get a credit card instead of a personal loan with high interest? A credit card that gives you a year of interest free payments maybe? Or maybe even take a loan against your 401 because at least you will pay it back to yourself and not a bank.


Post # 31
8437 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@MrsPanda99:  +100000000!!!!  Having a wedding you can’t afford is going to put so much unecessary stress on you.  Cut out whatever you need to to make your budget (alcohol, honeymoon, etc).

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