(Closed) We messed up..BADLY!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@IheartNYC:  Oops….ugh I don’t know what I would say then. Most people have probably already paid for flights and hotels at this stage so it would be really bad to cancel…. 

But I don’t know what I would do… Sorry OP. 🙁

Post # 48
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bride12713:  Thanks for doing that…I was just trying to get the math to work and I think there’s some information missing.

OP, some more detail about the costs involved would definitely help.

Post # 49
Member
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@bride12713:  I’m assuming she planned for 100 guests, and now 210 are showing up, making a difference of $7700 (which still isn’t quite $10k, but tax/gratuity could be separate). 

Either way OP, if you can, I would agree with other bees and cancel, although I’m not sure what your venue’s policy is 36 days out.  I think if you post a budget breakdown you might get more suggestions on how to slash your costs.  Sorry you’re going through this and best of luck.

Post # 50
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is a pickle. 

As others have pointed out, there is no courteous way to uninvite selected guests to your wedding, regardless of the excuse, because you are effectively telling them that when the rubber hit the road, you decided they were on the expendable list. And, frankly, it sounds like this is turning into an out-of-control debacle that is starting your marriage (so much more important than the wedding) off on a bad foot–stress, high-interest debt, and divisive fighting between you and your Fiance. Not a happy way to start out together, right?

I have to say, I agree with some PPs…the only gracious way that you can handle this now is to cancel this wedding, which you can’t afford, altogether. What about eloping with just family/your nearest and dearest and then having a more manageable reception to bless your vows/renew your vows?

I’m sorry you’re in this situation, because it sounds tough!

Post # 51
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Why not just have parents /siblings at the destonation and then do a reception when you get back?? It be cheaper and then everyone can come

Post # 52
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

OP – do you have guests who have made airline reservations?  If so, cancelling would put them out of a decent amount of money.

Post # 53
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  I am surprised no one seems to have mentioned this yet, but what about canceling your photographer and downgrading your accomodations or, if you’re having a honeymoon right after, canceling that?

I know none of these are fun suggestions, or idea by any means, but I think you’re kind of to the point of hard awful choices.  So sorry this happened to you!

 

Post # 54
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@hermom:  yes. Cancelling won’t work if people have already purchased airfare. This is tricky. I would cut whatever you can and get a loan for the rest. 

Post # 55
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 1988

I agree with those who’ve said… do not cancel or uninvite guests.

If your wedding is 36 days away, you guests have, most likely, purchased airfare and accomodations, taken time off work etc. Please don’t make them financially liable for your misstep.

As much as I hate going into debt… I agree that a loan or no interest credit card is your best option. Life lesson!

Cut, cut, cut… a destination wedding is beautiful even without all the details.

Post # 56
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

What costs can you still get out of?  Unless you’ve already put 100% of your money down, I would be considering forfeiting deposits and downsizing.  Talk to your vendors and explain the situation.

If I was in this situation, I would cut everything that wasn’t the venue and the food (sell my dress, no flowers, no cake, send the DJ home, etc) and have a big laid-back party with everyone invited (there’s still food and space, after all!)

Post # 57
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would just get a loan, who ever heard of only 60% of guests RSVPing? We only had a 8% decline rate. You will probably get a decent amount in your cards like 20,000-30,000, so uness you have tonnes of other debts etc from the wedding, you should be okay.

Post # 58
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsBeck:  This doesn’t seem like a bad idea – you are far enough out – just say you ran into some serious logistics issues and blame something at the destination – then cancel the whole thing and start over. Think tiny and stress free.

Post # 59
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

First, if you’re having a true destination wedding you cannot cut food or have a cash bar. These people are paying lots of money for travel and to give them only cake or light finger foods would be super rude. You can do beer and wine only or no alcohol at all.

Skip all the flowers except for your bouquet. Use candles for centerpieces instead. Brunch or lunch would be cheaper but you can’t change the time this close especially since most will already have travel plans.

Looks like you may need to eat some deposits and cancel the DJ, Photographer, Florist, Videographer, etc. Cancel the cake if needed. Use an ipod and have guests take pictures as they normally would. Sell your dress and get a simpler and cheaper one off the rack if possible. Skip tuxes and do suits or clothes the guys already own. You also need to call your venue ASAP, explain how you screwed up and see if they’ll work with you in any way.

I’m sorry this happened but you can’t change it now. You can’t uninvite some people (or dear god host a pot lock later?? that advice was just as bad as the 40% decline rate). If you cancel then you should reimburse those who already made travel plans. See which would be cheaper- reimbursing those people or having the wedding anyway. Start selling stuff on craigslist, pick up some babysitting or pet sitting jobs, and if you must, borrow. Not ideal and I’d never tell someone to go into debt for their wedding but unfortunately you haven’t give yourselves much choice here.

Some other ways to cut costs-

use the same chairs for the ceremony & reception so you’re not double renting. Skip favors. Cancel candy bars or photobooths, anything extra like that. Take back or sell your wedding rings and just get cheap fake ones for now. Skip pro hair and makeup. Downgrade your hotel room to a standard room if possible. Return any little things you’ve already purchased (like decor, etc). All you need is a meal, something for guests to drink, and someone to marry you. Fancy decor isn’t necessary. As long as your guests are fed properly, have a place to sit, and are comfortable, the other stuff can be eliminated.

Post # 60
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@jg780806:  But she should not count on that helping much. We had 45 people come to ours, and I think we made under $2k. Probably half of our guests gave us nothing.

Post # 61
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@alleycat1984:  If people are traveling, I doubt they’ll give as much if it was local. Mine was local, and half of our guests gave nothing. It’s a bad idea to depend on people giving money.

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