Post # 1
“Wouldn’t it be easier to call her?”
Last night he was texting a girl friend of his about some sports investigation that’s going on. I noticed that the messages were getting reaaaally lengthy so I asked him, “Wouldn’t it be easier to call her?” And he blows up at me. He gets pissed and starts going off about how she’s a friend of his and they’re talking about sports and why would he want to call anybody about sports? What if she’s busy? And on and on until he storms out of my apartment mad as hell only to text me ten minutes later to tell me that I was being a smart ass and why would he call her? and that my suggestion made no sense.
Apparently he read into what I said and took it a number of ways:
- That I was calling him stupid and implying that he doesn’t know his phone can make calls
- That I have trust issues and was jealous of him texting her (As if, I know her and went to school with her. I know they’re good friends with no sexual chemistry, so that’s not something I’m worried about)
- That I was nagging him because he was on his phone (he IS on his phone all the time, but it’s usually work related stuff so as long as we’re not out to dinner I don’t mind him being on the phone)
And a ton of other assumptions that I can’t even remember because they were so invalid to what I was saying.
He then goes on to say that many other hurtful things that have nothing to do with the initial argument so I won’t go into details there. After the many hurtful things he says that unless I understand that what I said was wrong, we will no longer be together.
Am I wrong?
I don’t intend to apologize for him getting himself upset because he assumed I had some vieled intent in my suggestion. He says I should have worded what I said better, but I don’t see why what I said was bad in the first place.
Help me, bees! I really want to understand why what I said was so bad so that I can sincerely apologize to him. Or, if he’s wrong, I want assurance that I shouldn’t apologize for his assumptions.
Post # 3
You didn’t say anything wrong. He’s being an ass and blowing up over absolutely nothing. I don’t text unless it’s a short, simple question. Any more than that, and a call is much easier and faster.
He owes you an apology, not the other way around.
Post # 4
If he perceives what you say as hurtful, the two of you need to address the miscommunications. I don’t think anyone is right or wrong, because if he’s hurt, some action needs to be taken, even if it was unintentional or unknowing on your part.
I do think the argument is blown out of proportion though…
Good luck in hashing it out!
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
…sorry but I don’t see anything wrong with what you said! Was it maybe the tone of how you said it? Even so… it sounds like he’s had a lot of issues that have just been building up and building up, and now they’ve exploded on you over nothing.
Hope you can figure out what to do, I don’t think you’re in the wrong here though :/
Post # 6
@AmyDee: Wow, holy over-reaction Batman. On his part.
I think he took what you said to be sarcastic and got insulted.
On the other hand, he was being rude, IMO, by texting someone for a long time when he’s spending time with you.
This sounds like a miscommunication on both your parts, however, I think his behavior is somewhat immature and slightly irrational unless you have a history of being sarcastic with him and this was the proverbial last straw.
Post # 7
I’m sorry – what? Does he usually do this?
He jumped to 10 conclusions based on your statement and you were trying to be helpful. I think he needs to apologize to you.
Post # 8
Personally, with his reaction, I would start to question his relationship with her…why would he get so defensive unless there was somehting to hide?
Post # 9
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
I’m sorry but this is sort of a red flag for me… Is he normally this short-tempered? You said absolutely nothing wrong, and for him to fly off the handle like that just seems totally uncalled for. Good luck in sorting this out!!
Post # 10
@strawbabies: I agree with this. He sounds like a hot head, he owes YOU an apology.
Post # 11
You’re not wrong. What he’s doing is called emotional blackmail. He’s threatening you with a breakup to drag an apology out of you. This is not how adults behave.
Post # 12
Some things he texted me today:
- “I have a legit reason to be upset because what you said anyone would have took as a sarcastic remark”
- “You may have meant something totally different or been trying to say something different but it came out on the other end as something totally different”
- “This could be the end of us if you fail to realize you fucked up”
- “What kind of fucking suggestion is that?”
- “If you can’t see what you did wrong we can’t be together”
- “I have every right to get ticked over something you said that I didn’t want to hear”
- (in respone to me saying “If you break up with me it’s going to be to my face) “If I was going to break up with you it would be however which way would be convenient for me. You were being a bitch yesterday. My venom is way worse”
- “I don’t want to break up with you but you aren’t even comin to a fucking compromise and the fucked up thing is that you were WRONG” (I’m sorry, I thought a compromise is when two people each give a little and take a little… this is not a compromise. This is him wanting me to say that he is 100% right)
Sorry everything got so long. I’m just so upset and had to leave work early because he kept sending me messages and everytime I thought of it I just burst into tears. I’ve been crying non stop since I got home two hours ago.
Post # 13
You didn’t say anything wrong.
It kind of sounds like maybe he was just looking for an excuse to flip out at you, especially since he used it as an opportunity to say a bunch of unrelated hurtful things to you. Seriously, he’s threatening to break up with you over this? You should tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.
Post # 14
You didn’t say anything wrong but it obviously triggered something in him. I’d give him space to cool off and then set a time to talk about it. Him threatening to break up with you because you won’t apologize is mindboggling. I’m so sorry 🙁
Post # 15
Sounds like there’s some underlying issue here. I think he blew up on you for this but is either mad at you for something else or mad about something else in general and took it out on you. I don’t think anything you said was wrong and I’m sure at some point he will realize he was really overreacting and blew it out of proportion, but in order for him to do that, he’s going to have to recognize and address the real reason why he was upset in the first place. Talk to him about it, but tread carefully – you don’t want to tell him that he was overreacting and he needs to figure out why, because that would be insulting. You should try to talk to him when he’s less upset and more rational about all the things that have been upsetting him lately and remind him that if he’s upset, he needs to come talk to you instead of letting it all boil up. Good luck!
Post # 16
Oh good god, he is just dragging this OUT! Seriously, that many text messages over a harmless comment from LAST NIGHT? My god he’s acting like you shot his puppy in front of him. HE’S the one acting like a child and is throwing a hissy fit over nothing. I wouldn’t respond and would just let him cool down. When he’s ready to act like an adult, there needs to be a calm, rational discussion where he isn’t holding the threat of a breakup over you!