(Closed) We might break up because I said…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 92
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No you might break up because he is a total assbag. Big difference. 

Post # 93
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Im sorry but hes so far over the line hes a dot on the horizon. Yes my DH and I have had stupid fights,over stupid things,but never has either of us taken more than an hour to realise how stupid we are being and deal with the original issue, in a more mature,sensible manner.

 My DH has never called me names,or dragged something so silly out for such a long time!some of the things he has said to you would really have me seeing red,and I would demand an apology out of him for his inappropriate behaviour and language,and even then I would be giving the relationship a serious re-think.

 

Post # 94
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Sunfire:  +1 to the “crazy-making” Hes pushing boundaries and seeing how far he can go…

Post # 95
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Sunfire:  Hopefully she takes your advice.

Post # 96
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@AmyDee:  DTMFA! Seriously. He called you a bitch for this. For making a suggestion. What the huh? Dump em.

I wouldn’t ever put up with behavior like that. I also agree that it seems like his reaction suggests there IS something going on. If not with this girl, with someone else.

I’d be putting his stuff on the porch right about now.

Post # 97
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It honestly, to me, sounds like there is an undercurrent of sh*t he’s holding onto and redirecting his anger about it.  Unfortunately, the excuse he chose to be passive agressive about is SILLY so he just looks like a stubborn idiot.  If I were you, been there – done that, I would just keep quiet and hold out until he becomes rational again and when he’s calm, then you can say ‘what is this about really?’ and get to talking.  And NOT over text, LOL. It really just sounds like at this point he wants to fight about anything, does not matter what it is. 

I also back up Nona99 when she implied that apologies (even if they’re for nothing at all) break the ice to help some solid conversation happen.  It happens in my relationship at least once a week. 😉

By the way, ladies, can we stop telling girls to leave their SO’s just because we witness ONE fight of theirs?  You know darn well that we don’t know everything.  For all we know, he’s pissed because she actually is always sarcastic (her expression), while her tone and her mind says it straight forward and innocently. They’ve only been together for 5 months and there is a lot of stuff to iron out in the beginning.  Don’t forget that.

Shamooooone, whoo who. (little MJ to lighten the mood.)

Post # 98
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

ps.  I do not approve of name-calling.  However, some men just need to be taught boundaries and it looks like this is your first opportunity to set them.  Some men are raised in families where calling a woman a bitch is not a big deal…some mothers even encourage it (ahem, my MIL), and I have broken my DH of it.

Post # 99
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

He sounds a lot like my ex-boyfriend. 

Don’t let it get to the point where he calls you stupid and useless for not folding laundry right and you have bruises on your arm because he grabbed you trying to walk away from an arguement and he had to yell at you more.  Or have him wake you up when you already went to sleep on the couch after a fight, get you back in bed, to yell at you more for not agreeing with him.  Or!  Walk home at 3am because you had a fight and he said “fine, leave!” and you know you won’t be safe there all night.

You aren’t crazy, he is. 

Not to say he’s going to turn into that, but figure out what the heck is going on with him that’s upset him so much.  Have an actual conversation.  Hold him to some standards of behavior.  And actually hold him to it.  “It’s not ok to send me torrents of ranting texts” would be a good place to start. 

Post # 100
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

 

  • This could be the end of us if you fail to realize you fucked up”

Oh, hell no. He didn’t say that. Did he seriously say that? Honey, I’d let him just go ahead and leave, because you’d be WAY better off without him.

And just so you know, you didn’t say anything wrong/sarcastic. He is clearly trying to pull some emotional blackmailing on you.

 

P.S. Most guys don’t go loco about a woman unless there is something hidden there. All you said was, “Wouldn’t it be easier to call?” Normal response would be, “Nah, I don’t wanna be talking on the phone when I’m with you” OR “Sure, that’d probably be easier.” Unless he doesn’t want to talk to her around you..for some reason.

Post # 101
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am going to do a MAJOR +1 to everyone here who said they thought there was an underlying issue. Also, I would recommend not responding to his texts in any way unless he apologizes. My guess is he’s burying himself right now wanting to believe he is right. My other guess is he will come crawling back later this evening apologizing. At that point, I would try to find out what heck is going on inside that head of his. If it is a big issue or a deep issue, how about some therapy for this guy?  

Post # 102
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@smcs28:  +1, i was thinking the same thing

Post # 103
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Something is up with him & this girl.  His response is completely irrational.  Most people have no idea what’s going on right under their nose.

I know this is not popular advice, but if you have access to his phone bills, I would take a peek.

To turn something around on you so minute as this makes me believe he is projecting his bad behavior on you so HE does not look like he bad guy.

Post # 104
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@fingerscrossed:  Yup, I think he actually KNOWS that he screwed up and he is panicking and trying to make her trip up and get her to bite back so that he feels better about his own dumb-ass reaction.  Honestly, I totally do this to my DH at least once a month (ahem…..right around AF, actually!).

Post # 105
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@WillyNilly:  I gotta bow to my sister here!  I thought I was the only one! Some men need to learn to fight….no name calling, no threats and no leaving until we’re both hollered out!   That’s five years of fighting to stay together talking!

Post # 106
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ooh dear I hope things improve, but it honestly sounds like he is either abusive or he has something to hide, or both.

 I know it’s harder to be in the situation than out of it, and I admire that you’re willing to walk if he doesn’t calm down and if he does this sort of thing again, but please actually be willing to walk!  His reaction was kind of crazy, and you shouldn’t be apologizing to him because you have nothing to apologize for.

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