Post # 1
I don’t know why I am so upset about this but I AM. Two of my Fiance closest friends will not be able to make it to our wedding since another couple is having their wedding the same day/time. The reason I am so disappointed is that my Fiance has lost a lot of his friends recently (one group)…the group split ways and my Fiance was left with a few good guy friends. These two guys were a part of the group but remained friendly with him. Fiance considered one of them to be his BEST FRIEND/BEST MAN WORTHY ETC…
When we got engaged this guy congratulated us and told us he didn’t think he could make it because of another wedding. Fiance asked him to double check on the day since he considered him to be one of his best friends and would be really upset if he couldnt make it. This guy never got back to him.
We had a surprise engagement party on Saturday and at first this guy responded that he could come. Then he was asked to contribute $25 to the party for a “bottle” and he responded that he would be unable to attend. My Fiance brother messaged him saying if its money that’s the issue not to worry about it, it would mean more to my Fiance if he just showed up. Again in the same one liner as before he simply said “I will not be able to make it.”
Is it worth postponing the wedding for these two guys? I am pretty sure the other guy is closer to my Fiance but is still choosing to attend the other wedding. Fiance is really upset as he said he never visioned them not to be there…it just seems that some friendships fade away and maybe he hasn’t come to terms with it?
I AM SO UPSET!!!!!!!
Post # 3
@Dell79: Don’t move your wedding for these two guys, they don’t sound like great friends, what if you moved it and they STILL didn’t bother coming? My DH and I got into a huge fight with his best friend and his wife before our wedding so I understand how hurtful stuff like this can be when planning a wedding.
Post # 4
I just feel so sad for my Fiance…the falling out with his old group of friends has changed the mix of his wedding party entirely…he even mentioned that if we change the date he doesn’t want anyone to know why…I think he is embarressed/ashamed that he has lost some of his closest friends 🙁
*He was considering asking BOTH of these guys to be groomsmen 🙁 🙁
Post # 5
Unless your FI is adamant that he wants to postpone your wedding because of this, then I would not postpone it — especially if postponing would mean that you would have to forfeit deposits or your church and/or venue.
Post # 6
NO, I would not move the wedding for these two guys. It’s one thing if it was like their twin sister was getting married the same day/time as you and I can see why they would pick her over you, but if it is just another couple, then I don’t see what the big deal is. On top of that, your Fiance and you tried to get their confirmation as to what date the other couple scheduled theirs for. In addition, regarding the surprise engagement party, if he really did want to come, he would’ve apologize for not making it, rather than a curt one-liner text back. If there’s anything we’ve learned from planning our wedding, it’s that true friends will make it work and do whatever it takes to come to our wedding.
Post # 7
Thank you for your responses. I post a ton of crap on here all the time but to me this was the first real problem that actually upset me and it feels amazing to hear support!! It hurts me so much to see my Fiance hurting ESPECIALLY when it revolves around this group of friends. There was a major falling out last year and they treated my Fiance like shit. TBH postponing the wedding would only be to make my Fiance feel better, so he could have the 2 guys he “thought” were his friends be in the wedding party.
“If there’s anything we’ve learned from planning our wedding, it’s that true friends will make it work and do whatever it takes to come to our wedding,” really hits home…but he is still so upset about it…the majority of his wedding party will be family NOT the vision he had last year…
I just want to elope.
Post # 8
As stated above, unless your Fiance is adament that he wants to accommodate these two friends (though I use the term loosely because they aren’t being very kind to your Fiance at this point), you should not postpone your day. The wedding is supposed to revolve around the two of you and no one else!
Post # 9
I am sorry they aren’t being good friend but don’t move the date. You don’t know the real why they can’t come but let them have their excuses.
Post # 10
No, I wouldn’t postpone your wedding because of them. I had two falling outs with my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man. I moved on from it.
Post # 11
thanks everyone…I REALLY didn’t want to have to move the date so this is making me feel so much better…I sort of have a pit in my stomach about the whole thing, I hope that will just go away with time…
Post # 12
Do not change your date. I think if it was important to the guys they would be there. It is sad to hear that they are not making your wedding a priority, but if he is not interested in participating then why make the interest in him? Good luck. Your wedding will be amazing without them. You will be surrounded by people who want to be there! 🙂
Post # 13
I think it’s so sweet that you’d consider postponing because of your FI’s friends. The choice is yours, and there is plenty of time to change it (even by a week or two) if you decide to, but I’m sure just the offer alone would mean a lot to your Fiance. How does he feel about moving the date?
Post # 14
If you can change your date consider doing it as you might regret it if you dont. We changed ours due to a clash with someones grauation, and someone elses pregnancy we hadnt known about. Now these people can come.
Post # 15
I actually registered for this site just to reply to this. What this sounds like – coming from a socially inept person – is that he is holding onto friends that may not necessarily be as close as he would like them to be. I am not a very social person, I lost my best friend a few years ago and the years before that were difficult due to some drama. I constantly find myself thinking of people that I can invite to our wedding who I actually have known longer than 3 or 4 years, and you know what… theres a lot! But the problem with them is that they aren’t really my friends anymore.
I think you need to talk to your Fiance and asks ome questions to find out just how important – or not – that they are. For instance is he envisioning them because he doesn’t have other friends that he could ask? Does he want them there because he is remembering how good of friends they were before and he doesn’t want to let go?
I think the best thing I’ve done recently is let go. I was very upset that my fiance had a full list for groomsmen and I could only come up with one friend, who I met within the last couple years, who I thought would be good on there. I had to fill the rest out with family. Thankfully 2 of my family members – the oldest ones – have been with me for over 20 years so we are close without the need to see or talk to eachother often.
I was upset but now I realize there’s other things. I’m not the center of the party most of the time, and I certainly don’t have a real friendslist to match my facebook one and I’m fine with that. The people that I KNOW love me, will be there. And It sounds to me like these two guys might not be that for your Fiance. I think it would be much more tragic to change your dates and then have him be disappointed by their lack of interest later. It is a shame that another wedding is happening at that time. But was there another party that they ditched out on to attend? Probably not.
I think your Fiance needs to search his heart for the real answer. Unfortunately, good friends in high school or college are not always good friends for life. I have almost no friends left, and I’m working on making some new ones. Nobody said that your best man or Maid/Matron of Honor has to be someone you’ve known forever!
I hope the best for you both, but don’t center you guys’ day around the attendance of two people who might not be as important as they seem. Be sympathetic but make sure he understand the real reason that he is upset.
Post # 16
@Dell79: To be honest those two don’t sound like friends at all so I most definitely would not postpone my whole wedding for them. It would suck to have moved your wedding and they still don’t show.