(Closed) We Move In Together, Sex Moves Out

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This happened to my Fiance and I when we first moved in together. There were a few different reasons:

  • When you see each other only a few times a week, you are so excited to see each other and therefore have sex nearly every time you get together;
  • When you see each other only a few times a week, you spend those hours together totally focused on each other — which makes sex more likely;
  • This is a personal reason, but my Fiance lost his job just two weeks after moving in with me, and he was depressed and I was FREAKED about paying rent (moving in with me was a significant rent increase for him).

Since you two have lived together for only 16 days or so, I think you’re still adjusting. If it turns into an ongoing problem, there are a few things to try – from agreeing to have sex every day for a week just to make a game out of it, to scheduling dates (either at-home or out), etc. 

Sorry you’re going through this, but perhaps there’s some comfort in that it seems to be pretty common! 

Post # 4
529 posts
Busy bee

@jd2012:  +1 I agree there are a lot of reasons this could be happening, give it a little more time for everything to settle into a routine. It may be that once you break the ice again things will get back to normal.

Post # 5
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think this is fairly common. Darling Husband and I have lived together for three years and we have sex way less than when we were only seeing each other on weekends. It’s ridiculous because back then we dealt with parents and roommates and now we have an entire house to ourselves, we should be doing it in every room. This has been an issue since the very first week we lived together, so we’re pretty used to our current schedule but we don’t particularly like it. We both want more sex but we tend to want it at different times and it’s so easy to just be lazy when we see each other every day.

Sorry this hasn’t been terribly helpful. Maybe you can try planning a nice date night or a romantic evening in and it will just be a natural progression to sex?

Post # 6
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

this is not a “child like burglary issue”…!!! Thats an excuse.



1. Is he regretting moving in?

2. Did he move in with you for any other reason than to be with you? ie.. did he just want to get away from his parents?

Post # 7
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think the burglar trauma must still be affecting him and maybe he feels embarrassed to tell you. Because I don’t think it’s normal to go from 60 to zero just because you moved in together. If anything, you should be having MORE sex than before.

My husband and dated long distance tend had awesome sex. Once we moved in together, we did it every day and still do, after nearly four years (not bragging-just how we roll:)

Still, I think he is having emotional issues because of the drastic change in frequency and I don’t think sexy lingerie or romantic dates are going to help in this case. Maybe a little therapy would be better right now.

Post # 8
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Are you done moving? As in done unpacking, setting up cable/internet, and ordering furniture? When we moved in we joked that it had the opposite effect as all of our parents warned us about. We were so exhausted after unpacking all night that we just went to sleep as platonicly as could be. Now that we are unpacked and in a routine, it is getting back to normal.

Post # 10
679 posts
Busy bee

Honestly I think what you’re going through is normal (aside from his stress about the burglarly in his childhood – that’s really scary!) When my Fiance and I only saw each other on weekends we’d have sex 4-6 times in a matter of two days. After moving in together, we have sex maybe 3 times a week (sometimes more, sometimes less.) 

The thing is, when you’re only seeing each other on the weekends, you have it in your head that you need to make the absolute most of that time, and if you don’t have sex then, you won’t have it at all. Plus it is time you’re setting aside to specifically focus on each other, since it’s all the time you have together and you have the rest of the week to do your own thing. That environment naturally leads to more sex. 

When you do move in together, the first couple of weeks are tiring and stressful, which leads to a drop in sex drive. After that, you adjust to being together all the time, and you know you can have sex any time you want so it’s much easier to think, “Well we could do it tonight, but I’m tired, and we can just do it tomorrow instead.” Then tomorrow comes and something else gets in the way, but still, you know the other person will be there the next day, so no worries. 

I’m not saying it’s good to fall into this pattern but it is normal. You’ve gone through the roughest period of initially moving and hopefully will start to get back into a semi-regular schedule soon! 

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