We moved in together! (both our first time living with a SO and up for advice)

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

Every couple is so different. You will quickly find what works for you. 

Biggest advice? Join finances, maybe just open a new joint account for now that your bills will come from. That was a lifesaver for us, honestly I don’t know why we didn’t do it sooner! 

And don’t fight about the small stuff (like when he’s too lazy to pick his underwear off the floor), its’ small potatoes!

Good luck xx

Post # 3
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Be open and honest- you will piss each other off sometimes. But you need to talk things through instead of bottling things up; it’s much easier to fix little problems before they become big problems!! 

Have fun! Go shopping for some decorations together. 

When Fiance and I first moved in together (not the first time with an SO for either of us), we had a real discussion about money and decided to open a joint checking account for rent and bills. That’s not for everyone, of course, but it’s worked really well for us. 

Post # 4
Member
5942 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Not very romantic, but you probably need to make sure you’re on the same page with finances and cleaning up the place. Who will pay for what. Will it go by percentage of income. Will you combine finances. Blah blah blah.

Just know there might be growing pains, getting used to living with another person and sharing space and all. Give it some time. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
10 posts
Newbee

My main advice is to remember that living together is not the same thing as spending time together. Make sure to still set aside specific time for dates and one-on-one time without phones/laptops/cleaning the house/other distractions. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Discuss your ultimate relationship goals. Are you playing house forever? Is a proposal coming in the next 6 months? Marriage in a year? Discuss your expectations. 

Discuss money, bills, obligations, finances and budgeting. Have a plan. You can adjust a plan. Without a plan the relationship will suffer.

Post # 7
Member
1492 posts
Bumble bee

remember to give each other space. Verbalise your discontent. Don’t assume and expect that you do things the same way. Accept the differences.

Post # 8
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
michik :  don’t assume this will lead to a ring. Sorry to be blunt I just am being honest.

Post # 9
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Come up with a plan of who will clean/cook what and how often. We have regular chores that each of us does on a as needed basis and then a list of extra chores that changes each week.

Having a joint account for joint bills makes life so much easier.

Try not to sweat the small stuff, and if you do have an issue with them that you would like changed, don’t come off critical or condescending, but rather calm and constructive. While you can’t change someone entirely, you can encourage small changes to not piss each other off. Ex: Remembering to turn on the vent fan when showering. 

Still make time for date nights (even if it’s popcorn, drinks, and a movie while laying in bed), but also take time to do your own thing. Don’t feel obligated to always go out together or hang out with friends together.

Good luck 🙂

Post # 10
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

Random but you should both try to keep the house as tidy as possible. I’m naturally a messy and unorganized person and when my Fiance and I moved in together most of our arguments were over the cleanliness of the house. And share responsibilities for the house… resentment can easily build up if one person is doing everything. 

Post # 11
Member
2832 posts
Sugar bee

Get on the same page about cleaning/housework and agree upon an acceptable minimum level of cleanliness/declutter.  (stuff like “the kitchen sink should not be overflowing with diety dishes” or “clear the coffee table off nightly.”)  

Find a way to make the space feel like it belongs to both of you – if it’s in the budget, buying some new bedding or some new decorative touches (throw pillows? artwork?) can really help, as can moving out some of his furniture to bring in some of yours. Rearranging the furniture can help with this too, by making a room feel new/different.  

 

Post # 12
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

View original reply
lelabee :  I love this advice. It is so important to have separate time between just existing in each other’s presence, to spending quality time together as a couple.

That’s not to say that a rut won’t happen, it happens to us all. But having that all important differentiation between is so undervalued sometimes.

Don’t forget to have time for yourself outside of him (still do things you enjoy, catch up with friends, see family etc.). Keeping yourself is an important part of staying sane in a live-in relationship.

And talk, talk talk. Talk about finances, expectations of the relationship, housework, sickness, going out/staying out, having people over, sexual needs… amongst what others have said. You’ll learn to pick your battles and some wicked negotiation skills.

And finally, ENJOY!! It’s a blissful period of time. There’s nothing like first moving in together and waking to find them next to you every morning 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If I had it to do over I would ask for a timeline- both to engagement and to marriage- upfront. 

My fiance is the first SO I’ve lived with. The first couple of weeks SUCKED. I don’t know if that’s normal or not. SO afaik, just get through it. 

Set time aside to just hang out. 

Post # 14
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

View original reply
michik :  be okay with finding space from eachother. youll get annoyed here and there, learning what you both like or dislike with one another. What worked for us was having a place where we could have space when we were not happy or something. space was HELPFUL

Post # 15
Member
8 posts
Newbee

View original reply
michik :  

*As fun and romantic as it is to lounge on the couch, eating takeout, and watching a movie together… still go on dates!

**Take care of you. Don’t get complacent!

*Always spend time with friends.

*Take an extra blanket to bed.

*Figure out who’s doing what chores and bills, and stick to it.

*Start talking about the next steps in your relationship sooner rather than later. Don’t wait until you’ve been living together for 3 years.

*Always kiss/hug them goodbye. 

*Live together, live your life together, but live your own life too! smile

 

 

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