- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2008
I just need to get this out. And because I am stuck at work, I feel trapped and can do nothing but be an absolute wreck. I want to share this to a) keep myself distracted for a least a few moments and b) put this out there into the cyber world in the hopes that people can send their prayers, healing thoughts, or other good vibes to my family. I also am hoping that others can share positive stories because I just can’t lose hope.
Two days ago, my dad informed me that my aunt (his sister) went to Urgent Care with a bad cough and fainted in the office. She was rushed to the ER and within minutes was on life support. She has the flu and pneumonia. In 48 hours, my dad’s updates when from “she’s very sick, we’re very worried” to “she is not going to make it. They are taking her off life support”.
Tuesday evening (after our family was told she would likely not make it through the day), I received hopeful messages from my brother and mom saying that, against all odds, her bodily functions and oxygen levels had improved. Yesterday, she continued to improve just a little bit. There is so much concern about the lack of oxygen to her brain, the incredible infection in her lungs, and a host of other things. Doctors have given her a less than 5% chance of survival.
This is a healthy woman who is not even 60 years old. This is my dad’s beloved younger sister, a woman who has two grown children and one teenaged grand child. She hosted an amazing engagement party for my husband and I. She is an integral part to our annual “girls trips” to the beach. She is funny, and irreverant, and unique, and wonderful.
Tomorrow will mark two weeks from when I last saw her. That Friday night two weeks ago as I was in NC visiting family, she was at my parents house as we threw an impromptu gathering. Two days later she was sick. Seven days after that she was on life support. And now, here we are. If you had told me that day that would be the last time I would see her, I would have told you you were the most ridiculous of liars.
An update from my mom a few moments ago said that her functions were failing and a brain scan would be done. If there was no activity, they would take her off of life support. I am stunned. I can’t accept this to be reality, but I know it is. I can’t actively accept in my head that this situation is grave and unlikely to go the way we all so desperately want it to. I literally cannot think thoughts other than “she will be okay”, even though I do understand the scientific concepts behind the facts of her situation mean very, very bad things. I have spent hours googling “unlikely medical recoveries” and “medical miracles”.
Mostly, getting this out is a catharsis for me. I will be the first to tell you, I am not religious. I don’t pray. I don’t know if I believe in prayer. But for the first time in a very, very long time I laid in bed and willed the inexplicable powers of the universe to will things in her favor. But I won’t pretend that I am not hoping that some of you might say a prayer for her, if that is what you believe in. Because I really don’t know what I believe in (if anything), for all I know, prayer could help her. If you don’t believe in prayer, I am hoping you can send your positive and healing thoughts to her.
I am sure many of you reading this have experienced sudden and tragic deaths of loved ones in your lives. Brothers, sisters, parents, possibly even a spouse or a child. But I am lucky that in my 26 years, I have not experienced the overwhelming feeling of shock and utter loss that goes along with the possibility of a sudden death. I literally cannot wrap my mind around how this has happened. I just do not know what to do, think, or say. It is a very, very tough time to live 3 hours away from my family.
And all of this…because of the fucking flu.