Post # 1
Hi, former lurker here making a post to get some opinions.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit less than a year, approx 10 months. We are late 20’s / early 30’s.
I am very marriage minded as of late, I think it is a combination of my bio clock/age and the fact that he is a really good person (I see him as husband material). We have discussed it a little but he was never, in his past, necessarily “sold” on marriage… he was of the mindset that maybe he would end up married or maybe not and he was totally okay with both. He is a bit of a free spirit and very independent. I am more someone who appreciates stability.
I made it clear that getting married was something I wanted from the beginning as not to waste eachothers time. He seemed receptive (didn’t go running for the hills) and even (once or twice) made “when we get married” comments… so I sort of took that in good faith and let the relationship progress.
Well, as the title states, he recently brought home a puppy (we do not live together, he stays with me about half the week – his apartment does not allow pets). I wanted a puppy … someday… and he knew that… I was just surprised that he actually got me one because a) we do not yet live together b) they are a commitment in itself. I asked him if the puppy was mine and he responded that she was ours. We have greatly enjoyed spending time with our puppy and he has been a fabulous puppy “dad”, spending every minute of free time with her.
Anyway, I am still kind of shocked that we are both pouring our love into this little pup who has made us both so happy. I also can’t help but wonder… is this a way of showing me that he is committed in a “for the long run” way? Does this help solidify that we are headed toward marriage, although he is relatively quiet about the topic? Or am I reading too much into this impulsive puppy purchase? I did not want to flat out ask him “does the puppy mean you want to marry me” as that seemed kind of ridiculous, but I was certainly wondering.
Post # 2
I think it likely does mean that he sees you two lasting long term. However, that may not mean marriage, for him. You’ve both made your positions clear. You assume that him not running for the hills means he’s on board with your plan, but he may assume that your not running for the hills means you’re okay without marriage. So I hope you enjoy yor puppy, but if marriage is an absolute deal-breaker for you, I woudl absolutely discuss it with him. I wouldn’t equate puppy with an impending proposal.
Post # 3
I would not equate him getting a puppy as meaning he will propose soon. Men are very straight forward and more blunt in how they communicate and what they mean vs. us women who tend to have double meanings etc. in the way we talk. If your man wanted to marry you he will most likely say, “hey I’ve been seriously thinking about marriage and want to take that next step with you.” If I were you, I would enjoy the puppy together but not take it to mean anything more than he loves dogs, you guys love being pet parents, and he did something to make you happy.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Weather or not he’s “marriage minded” in this decision, I do think it indicates he’s in it for the long haul. You don’t get a puppy with a person you’re not looking at spending a long time with.
Honestly though, some guys (especially those who don’t think about marriage much) wouldn’t even think to take it that far mentally. I know when my husband and I got our first dog I easily could have read it as a similar situation, but it really wasn’t… really he just wanted a dog!
Post # 5
devi514: I wouldn’t assume that the puppy is his way of showing you that he wants to marry you. I’m not saying he doesn’t want to marry you; I’m just saying that I definitely wouldn’t jump to those kinds of conclusions. The only way of knowing is having a serious conversation with him. Personally, I don’t think that 10 months is a very long time at all and I would not have been comfortable being engaged after such a short amount of time. I understand that not everyone feels the same way that I do; I just wanted to put that out there incase you do end of having that conversation.
That said, if marriage is a dealbreaker to you, I would make sure that your boyfriend absolutely understands that and I would be sure that marriage is something that he is also open to.
Post # 6
Not trying to rain in your parade here, but a puppy doesn’t mean a long commitment. Some guys think of puppies as a baby stop gap, so if their SO is too interested in marriage, kids, etc. they’ll throw a puppy at them to bide time. My friend (now 30) started dating this guy (now 25) two years ago and they got a puppy together less than a year in. They broke up this year and they tried sharing custody of the pet, but it got really messy and mean. Since the Boyfriend or Best Friend bought the puppy for the Girlfriend and she named it etc. ( a really sentimental name for her specifically), I’d assumed that she would “get custody” of the dog, but he just stopped responding to her (ever again) when he had the dog for the weekend so he essentially stole it and now it’s “his.”
This seems like a really sweet plan of your boyfriend’s, but if it was me, I’d be pissed he made such a HUGE decision without consulting me and with no backup plan! The dog can’t even come live with him if you hadn’t wanted one right now. It looks like he’s committed but don’t hang your hat on the fact that you have a joint dog.
Post # 7
Puppies aren’t always a long-term committment.. Some people get dogs to placate their spouse who dreams of marriage and or babies and have no qualms about breaking up down the road. Personally, this wouldn’t make me think anything was more solidified than it was previously…. I’d be more on the side of completely pissed off. He bought a dog without consulting you, dogs are huge committments to just spring on someone especially given the fact that his apartment doesn’t allow dogs. That’s a pretty big imposition.
This relationship could lead to marriage but I don’t think having a ‘joint dog’ makes it more likely than if you didn’t share ownership of a pet.
Post # 8
cautiously3optimistic: I agree. While I don’t think it’s a bad sign that he got a puppy, not at all, at the same time, I wouldn’t take it as some smoke signal that the dude is ready to get married.
And definitely agree that custody of the pup should definitely be something you guys discuss. Sure, he says that it’s “our dog” now, but if something happens between the two of you, you can’t split the (doggie) baby.
Post # 9
I agree with the other post. While it can demonstrate some commitment he may have just got a puppy because he wanted to get a puppy. You could always ask him about it or even ask him what his plans are when it comes to a timeline for proposal/marriage. I guess since you guys haven’t been together for that long I would just see how it goes for now and enjoy the time with your new puppy!
My SO always joked after we got our puppy and signs his version of Beyonce’s Single Ladies.. “If you like it then you should of a pug on it”.
Post # 10
It depends I guess me and my ex got a dog about 2 weeks later we broke up. We had been dating for almost 2 years and living together for one of those.
I ended up moving out and taking the dog since he works out of town. My current Fiance is a great dog dad we also got another dog about a year and a half into dating and he loves both dogs. With him he knew we were going to be together long term so he was fully on board with another dog.
Post # 11
OneDayMrsK: “If you like it then you should of a pug on it.”
This will now be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2015 - City Hall NYC
My now fiance and I got a puppy together after dating for two years, we didnt live together at the time but he would stay at my apartment and take care of him all the time. Then about a year and a half later we got another puppy (still not living together), a few months after we got her we broke up for 3 months and then got back together and shortly after he moved in with us (the pups and I) and 3 years later we got enagaged. A puppy is a huge commitment though and is a lot like having a baby so i’m sure hes pretty serious about you. Just go with the flow and enjoy it! Good luck!
Post # 13
LOL to “If you like it then you should of a pug on it” …
We have a bulldog … she is absolutely adorable and fun… a little naughty too… and yes, as PP said A LOT OF WORK.
Thank you for all advice and opinions! Much appreciate your feedback.