(Closed) We postponed due to doubts/other issues. Where to go from here.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas

I think postponing things is a good idea if you are having doubts.  There is no reason to rush into it.  How long does he plan on being in the military? Is this a lifestyle that you would be willing to live with all of the time apart?

Post # 4
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@aparana:  Postponing was a good idea and I’m sure took a lot of courage so I commend you for that.

Question though – is military a life-long career for him?  Is there an end in sight?  I’m wondering if after the move, if you guys get married, etc is he still going to be away a lot?  If so, this might not be the relationship for you.

It takes a really strong person to cope with their spouse being away for long periods of time.  It’s something I’m sure I couldn’t do.

 

Post # 5
Member
3429 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@JemmaWRX:  I’m sorry you feel lost. 4 years is long enough to “know”someone though. What exactly are you doubtful of?  If my SO was away for such long periods of time and decided to take a trip for a few months without me I’d be pissed. Maybe time is what you need right now. July is only 3 months away! 

Post # 6
Member
3429 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@JemmaWRX:  Sorry Obvs this was meant for OP crazy IPad:) 

Post # 7
Bee
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

It sounds like you are feeling pretty isolated and perhaps suffering from depression or anxiety. Is there a therapist in your area you can speak with? Having someone to talk to will help you feel less alone and more supported, as well as enabling you to learn coping mechanisms for when times are tough. You need to be able to take care of yourself and not lay it all on him being there.

Post # 8
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@JemmaWRX:  +1. 

i was engaged to someone in the military who was often away for very long periods of time, and it just wasn’t for me. he absolutely loved it and wasn’t willing to change, and i knew i couldn’t live with it so we ended it.  it was definitely the best decision for both of us. now i’m engaged to someone who wouldn’t want to leave me for a week, let alone months, and overall he wants the same things in life as i do.

Post # 9
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My best friend is a military wife, she and her husband married and lived in seperate countries for the first 6 months. When its true love no amount of time or distance matters and if you arent sure if you can cope then maybe this just isnt for you and theres no harm in that. I definitely couldnt be an army wife i miss my Fiance when hes at work 9-5 lol. 

Post # 11
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@aparana:  *hugs* what are your thoughts on going to therapy? not even couples counseling but individual therapy for you.  It sounds like you need some support right now.  A therapist could help you talk through not only your uncertainty about your relationship but also the anxiety and depression that you are going through.  It sounds like you guys can work it out, it just sucks that he’s gone so much that it makes it hard to work through things. 

Post # 12
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017

Your feelings are totally normal. I miss my Fiance if he’s away for a day! Some people can be a military bride and cope with the LDR parts and some just can’t and there ‘s no shame in that. If this is his life career plan you might be very unhappy if you marry him. Would he be willing to give up his job to be with you within the next few years? If not realistically I don’t think he’s the right man for you.

Post # 13
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you made the right choice to postpone. You should feel secure and happy with yourself & with your relationship before getting married. I agree with the others, for severe anxiety therapy could really help. Also make sure you’re doing things on your own when he’s away. Hang out with friends & fam, maybe find a new activity you love. Postponing until you’re in a better place is a very mature and courageous decision – you should be proud of yourselves for doing whats best for you.

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