(Closed) We said not gifts at first, how do we change our mind?

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t know whether you can change your mind re gifts without seeming ‘grabby’.  (ie sending out new info to guests when you have already stated ‘no gifts’)

( I am sorry, that sounds harsh, I know.)

People who want to bring a gift or give $ will. 

No worries with putting out a table at the reception however 🙂

Post # 4
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@KellyLouise:  I would say most people think you’re blowing smoke when you say no gifts and are planning to bring something unless they’re the type that usually don’t or can’t afford to. In which case you probably risk offending the people that were planning to bring something more  than convincing someone to bring one. 

Certainly a table at the reception as a clear spot for those who choose to bring something to put them is acceptable. 

Post # 5
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree, you are probably going to still get gifts or at least cash cards. I agree that there is probably no way to ask now without seeming greedy.

Post # 6
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You can’t mention gifts on an invitation or rsvp, but if you have a wedding website, you can direct people to a registry. I think people will blow off the “no gifts” thing, and if you just make sure not to say that anymore, you’ll find that people do bring gifts.

Post # 7
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree.The people that want to bring gifts,will.

Post # 9
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I do not, in any way, mean to be harsh. However, from an etiquette perspective, what you have already done (make mention of gifts/presents on your Save-The-Date Cards by implying that you do NOT want them) is not proper. You should not ever mention gifts — even the absence of them — in or on your wedding correspondence. Therefore, it also would be improper for you to now to raise the subject again by attempting to ask for gifts or to mention — or even have — a “wishing well.” 

You should simply move forward with your plans for hosting your reception and not make any further reference to gifts. However, it would be perfectly fine for you to arrange privately with your venue to have a location to put gifts, if people bring them.  As some prior posters noted, it is very likely that some guests will bring gifts — or give you cash — all on their own. 

ETA:  I should also note that it is perfectly fine for you and your Fiance to register and to have a link to your registries somewhere in a more subtle (i.e. not prominent) location on your wedding website.  Other than this, registry information should be passed by word of mouth from people who know (your close family members and close friends) to those who ask for this information.

Post # 10
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I agree with PPs about the gifts. You should never have said anything to start with. Don’t say anything now either, but make a registry and ou it on your website.

As for RSVPs, it is still really really early. You shouldn’t have even sent invitations yet, so to be expecting RSVPs already is not fair to your guests. Most people will respond in the week or two before the deadline, and you will have to hunt people down since you didn’tprovide response cards. But, you need to wait until the last week before the due date to do that.

Post # 12
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Websites are free through theknot.com and many other sites. It’s pretty self-explanatory.

As for when to send invitations, if you want to give people advanced warning, that’s what save-the-dates are for. Invitations for out at 6-8 weeks before the wedding. This is considered the optimum time because it is close enough that people can be realistic about whether or not they can attend and that (this is important) they won’t forget, and far out enough that they can still get plane tickets and hotel reservations. If you send to early, like you did, you risk people just putting it aside for later because it is so far off and then entirely forgetting come RSVP time and even event time.

Post # 13
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think most people would bring gifts regardless, or at least a card.  I’m not sure there’s any way to explicitly ask that politely.

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