- 1 year ago
- Wedding: October 2019
Original Accidently Closed:
So I love my fiancee. We have a good relationship. He definitely wants to marry me and planned an amazing proposal.
Here is the problem. When we were talking about getting engaged I told him that I wanted the commitment because I was quitting my job and moving across the country to be with him. He was coming out of grad school and I knew he didn’t have a ton of money until he got his signing bonus from his new job. So I told him we should get engaged with a placeholder and buy a ring later. I told him that our relationship and the commitment was more important to me than a ring, and I didn’t need a huge diamond to know we loved each other, and we could wait and pick one out together. I still believe all those things, but I definitely wanted an engagement ring at some point pretty soon after we got engaged.
We got engaged labor day weekend. It was great. Except he proposed with his mom’s very old, very beat up piece of CZ costume jewelry. It was a fine placeholder, but it was meant to be just that. I spent September figuring out what I wanted and by October I knew what I wanted to get. I settled on a blue sapphire with a simple band. I wanted to have something made in my hometown, so I was going to go meet with them and set up the appointment for Christmas, when we could both be there to pick something. My fiancee told me not to do that, and that we would get something in our new home. So I didn’t ever go to the jeweler I knew.
We get out there, and I am ready to start jewelry shopping. But every time I asked to go look for somewhere to get this done he didn’t want to do it. He wouldn’t help me research a place to have something made. When we would go to a jewelry store he would go look at nice watches. He made it clear he did not care about the process. Then he told me we should start the process at Christmas with the jewelry store in my hometown that I trusted. He told me that he wanted to wait until March or April to pick something out, when our lives settled down some, so I was stuck with the old beat up placeholder until then at the earliest. Then he said he liked the idea of just waiting the year until we got married. So 13 months wearing an old, scratched, beat up piece of costume jewelry. I love him more than a ring, but its an important symbol to me. I wanted it to be a priority for us. And I really wanted something to show my friends and family when I came home for Christmas.
I made an appointment at a brilliant earth showroom and found something that was 80% there, but I didn’t love it. The next day I tried to talk through the decision with him and we had a fight because he felt like I was going over information with him that I had gone over before.
The next weekend I went to visit my best friend in LA and we went to the jewelry exchange. The prices were much better than what I had seen. I was feeling pressured and tired and overwhelmed and hurt by everything. My best friend loved the ring, the people at the store were pushy, it was the best price I had seen. So I spend $2700 on a ring. And immediately panicked. It was not really what I wanted. The sapphire is more teal than blue. I just was so sick of fighting to get something that wasn’t that old, scratched piece of costume jewelry.
Now I hate the ring. I can’t look at it without feeling hurt and abandoned and down right angry, both at FH and myself. I don’t even know if I want an engagement ring at all anymore I am so upset. I am so upset about the money I spent. I can’t get a refund. And to top it all off my fiancee keeps saying how much he likes what I picked out. The thing is, if HE had picked out what I got myself, I would love it. If he even helped me pick it I would love it. But I can barely stand to look at it. I get so angry about it. I still love him more than anything. I still want to marry him. I am pretty sure that he stopped listening at “our relationship is more important than a ring” and just checked out completely. He is still more important than the ring, but I just feel like I wasn’t heard no matter what I said and asked.
How do we fix this?