(Closed) We secretly eloped 6 months ago and now want to tell our families

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you have to put things into perspective. Your couthouse deal as you said was half hearted and just legal marriage, nothing more.

Now if you had had a big traditional grand wedding and not told your family, that would probably be an issue.

If its on your heart and its something you can’t live with yourself for, just tell them! There might be a little bit of a reaction, but its just from the surprise, and Im sure it will all get smoothed over with time.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Or would you continue to keep it a secret til the grave?

absolutely not!  you are married – there is nothing half hearted about that.  it is not “just” a legal marriage, it IS a marriage and the dress and party and celebration are added extras to what marriage is really about, a legal bond between two people

i would be honest and tell people – doesnt make your renewal any less special but at least you will be honest to your family and guests

Post # 5
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Well, here’s a story…my mother & father were married in April 1948 when he left the Dutch Merchant Marines and came to marry my mother in New York. They went through the immigration process and got married in a courthouse as part of it. Mom was Catholic so to her and her family, the courthouse marriage wasn’t official. As a matter of fact, they never celebrated the April date and only considered themselves married when they had a religious ceremony in July of that year. 43 years later on May 3rd, when my dad passed away at age 67, my mother kept saying that she would have been married 43 years in July. I had to remind her they WERE married 43 years. You are married whenyou consider it official. I wouldn’t lie about it to anyone, but you’re not obliged to tell anyone either. However, in the event something awful happens, you may need to have that legal marriage and people might find out. I’d tell your close family what you did and why. There’s no reason for them not to support your “official” marriage in December.

Post # 6
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think you should just come clean.  You already refer to him as your husband.  You can have a ceremony later, but it will be a renewal of vows.

Post # 7
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I also didn’t mean to suggest eloping wasn’t legitimate! I think its the best way to go, haha. But I realize that to you  wanted a “traditional” planned on your own time.

Post # 8
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Don’t tell anyone. Who cares (really)? You’ll be “married” soon enough, no need to get people all worked up over something they’ll get to participate in when the time is right. There’s really no benefit to spilling the beans here. 

Post # 9
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

This is a subject that people are very opinionated about, so get ready for some heat.  I think unless you’re living it…it’s very hard to see it from the couple’s perspective.

HubFI and I secretly eloped in August 2011 and our public wedding will be on 12/1/12.

We did it for financial/religious/job requirement reasons. Initially we told our parents and siblings, and last month we broke the news to our close friends.

To me, getting legally married is just signing a piece of paper so that our country/govt. recognizes our union. That’s all we did, we didn’t exchange vows. Yes, we are spending the rest of our life together…but that was decided when he proposed and I said “yes”.  He is techinically my husband, but our wedding will be on 12/1/12.

I have a friend who outright told me it’s stupid that we’re having a full out wedding. This friend can’t even believe I plan on wearing a white dress. That’s her opinion. I’m not letting anyone take our special day away from us. I will probably cry and so will Fiance, and it’s about us and how we feel inside. We can’t wait to exchange vows and have the world recognize our love.

No matter what people tell you, it comes down to how YOU two feel. In some cultures you don’t get legally married AT ALL, and in others legal marriages are a formality that doesn’t really count. For example, my dad is hardcore Spanish and until he walks me down the aisle I am not married in his eyes.

It’s like gay people…they throw weddings without waiting for the government to recognize their vows as “legal”. Why should my wedding day be dictated by a piece of paper? It’s not.

I don’t expect all my guests to agree, but I sure do expect them respect our choice and views. I say tell who you want to tell. Just remember, don’t over explain yourself. Some people will get it, some people won’t…don’t lose sleep over it.

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